MrsHicks
Master June 2014

After 10 years together and 6 months married.....

MrsHicks, on November 18, 2014 at 2:56 PM

Posted in Married Life 56

If I thought things would go so wrong, I wouldn't have gotten married. These 6 months have been tough to say the least. Not sure we are going to make it.

If I thought things would go so wrong, I wouldn't have gotten married. These 6 months have been tough to say the least. Not sure we are going to make it.

56 Comments

  • Precious
    VIP August 2015
    Precious ·
    • Flag

    He might just be gone on Sundays because it is football season. Don't sit at home. Go out with your friends.

    • Reply
  • Munashi
    Super October 2014
    Munashi ·
    • Flag

    I think the other ladies are right to suggest counseling, MrsHicks. I am so sorry you guys are having a hard time. I wish you the best, and hope that you two will pull through together.

    • Reply
  • SandM
    VIP August 2014
    SandM ·
    • Flag

    Oh no I'm so sorry Mrs Hicks! Things definitely do change after you move in together, however, it should be nothing like what you described. Hope things change for you soon!

    • Reply
  • mrs. joyceee
    Super September 2014
    mrs. joyceee ·
    • Flag

    HUGGS. I'm sorry you are going thru this and I'm sure all these changes and only 6 months in and I bet you never felt this was going to happen. Before you call it quits, you should try counseling. Marriage isn't easy, so a lot of work has to be put in the both of you. I think having someone to talk to you both that doesn't really know you could help open communication and hear each other out. hang in there!

    • Reply
  • Jessica
    Expert October 2014
    Jessica ·
    • Flag

    I'm sorry to hear this!! I know HIH had suggested some relationship books a while back. It might be worth getting titles from her and checking those out. Good luck!

    • Reply
  • 1MrsMarlow
    Expert July 2015
    1MrsMarlow ·
    • Flag

    MrsHicks, I am sorry to hear that your marriage isn't going the way you would like. I am on my second marriage. I was married 10 years and together with my ex husband for 16 years. We went to marriage counseling to try an make it work but, he was not willing to make changes to save our marraige. If I had GOD as a true foundation in my marriage I do believe we may have made it. My FH and I went to marriage bootcamp that our pastors were holding and we really learned a lot by doing so. We gain tools we will use before we even walk down the aisle and before our 6 weeks marriage counseling. I think if you have a church home and can talk with your pastor it is worth it, if not then finding a great marriage counselor will benefit you both. At the very least you will know where your marriage is heading and you will know that you did not give up without a fight for your marriage.

    Best Wishes to you and your DH. I pray that everything will workout for you.

    • Reply
  • DisneyNut
    Master October 2014
    DisneyNut ·
    • Flag

    I am so sorry you all are going through this. Marriage isn't always easy even with the best of circumstances. HUGS girl.

    • Reply
  • Rachel
    Super August 2015
    Rachel ·
    • Flag

    I don't really have any advice that hasn't already been given, but I wanted to send you huge hugs. It's very hard when there is a lack of communication. I really hope that you guys can get back to where you were and make things work.

    • Reply
  • AndixLyn
    Master June 2015
    AndixLyn ·
    • Flag

    If it helps at all, we live together and there are times we just sit in the living room on separate couches watching tv and being on our phones. its what life long term is like once in a while. but it shouldnt be daily. ask him to make an effort. plan a date night and take him, instead of hoping he figures it out. talk to him about the sadness and expectation that he would spend more time at home. you have to make an effort when you first move in. after 10 years, you should definitely be able to communicate that. hes your person, love isnt always easy. it takes work. best of luck.

    can i ask why you chose not to live together before now?

    • Reply
  • Ally
    VIP October 2014
    Ally ·
    • Flag

    I agree with everyone. communication is definitely key! you have got to tell him how you feel even if he thinks that you are just nagging. show him how hurt and upset you are! let him know that you don't want to be in a rut...you want it to be just like old times. i really, truly believe that after a long time together sometimes you just have to be determined to start "dating" again and learning to feel the way that you felt when you first got together and it was all new. i've been with my husband for almost six years (only married one month) but gosh sometimes we just can't STAND to be in the same room together after some of our fights lol. i know i'm not going to be head over heels in love every single second of the day but i do love him and fight hard for our relationship. you just have to do that sometimes! i'm not coming across well with my words since i'm at work but i totally feel for you and pray that you are able to overcome this!! <3<3

    • Reply
  • Ostrich
    Master April 2016
    Ostrich ·
    • Flag

    If you don't want counseling yet there's this really good book i read that I'll see when I get home. Does he feel like things are different or just you?

    • Reply
  • Chantel
    Master May 2014
    Chantel ·
    • Flag

    I understand how you feel. When we first started living together it was a huge adjustment. And then we leveled off, now 6 months in and we are both ready to walk. But, we agreed to both give it 110 percent, which includes.counselling, praying together and carving out time daily specifically designated to each other. It is hard. Very hard. Whenever you join 2 lives together, it is challenging at one point or another. You guys are having to adjust to being married, living together and merging your lives together. Just like when you first became a mom it was challenging and sometimes.difficult, but worth it. You learn as you go. I agree with someone said earlier: plan a date night for you guys. Change it up. While he is out on Sunday make a date with a girlfriend or one of your kids. Or treat yourself to a pedicure and movie. If you sit home while he is out it will breed resentment. I am not saying just be ok with it, but if he sees that you arent sitting home waiting for him, it may make him take notice.

    • Reply
  • Brittany
    Super August 2014
    Brittany ·
    • Flag

    Moving in does change everything =/ My husband and I were weird in the sense that we lived together pretty much from the beginning. I would never had married him before living with him. I'm sorry, I hope things get better.

    • Reply
  • MrsHicks
    Master June 2014
    MrsHicks ·
    • Flag

    I have tried pouring my heart out and he says things like "well what are YOU doing to feel the way you do." Everything is redirected back to me, he will not take ownership of anything. Chantel I do take time for me and go out with friends and family when I get a chance. 1 MrsMarlow our Pastor is also my boss and he feels he only has my best interest so he doesn't want to talk to him. Yet he feels that everything is ok, but he is just not acknowledging how I feel.

    • Reply
  • MrsZ
    Super February 2015
    MrsZ ·
    • Flag

    Smiley sad I truly hope things work out for you. I didn't live with my ex-husband before we got married and things did not work out. I wish I would have because I would have seen a lot more. Since you've already gotten married, you definitely need a counselor who will speak with both of you.

    • Reply
  • Andrea
    Expert May 2015
    Andrea ·
    • Flag

    Counseling definitely seems to be the best option at the moment. I have been to counseling and it really helps to have someone who is impartial look at what you tell them and take an objective stance. Sometimes it's managing expectations, sometimes it's more talking, there are LOTS of options out there. Maybe your pastor could recommend someone else in the community that would be good for both of you.

    *hugs* Things will be okay, I hope everything works out and it's just a matter of adjusting Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Summyya
    Super May 2015
    Summyya ·
    • Flag

    Everyone else has already suggested counseling, and I'm going to do the same. We lived together for two years before we got married, and the first 3 months were hard. He still wanted to have friends over everyday, he never leaves the house but he was turning my home into his old bachelor pad apartment. I couldn't take it and I was so unhappy. Luckily my job offered 10 free therapy sessions, and I got us in counseling. Because before we even got engaged I wanted to work shit out. Counseling helped us see our faults and keep are arguments from becoming yelling matches. We learned that sometimes resentment is the reason we were fighting. I still had some doubts before we signed our license. We even had a big revelation after. I was sick of the drama and finally got out of him why he was angry with me, he felt unappreciated and that he tried so hard at one point to make me happy and nothing worked (once again resentment). So of course I'm pissed, asking why would you marry me if you felt this way. And let him know I'm sorry that I hurt you but if you cant let it go then we will never work. Because I cant be in a relationship that involves constant arguing, and blow up over little things. When the reason your blowing up is because your hurt about something else.

    So I suggest seeing a counselor or if your apart of a church, some mentoring from another couple. We had to Before I say I do classes at our church. If he's willing to try counseling, please do so. You loved each other enough to get married, I'm sure you love each other enough to do the work to make your marriage last.

    Its not easy, I know but its worth the work. Marriage is never ending work. Hope my experience helps.

    • Reply
  • Summyya
    Super May 2015
    Summyya ·
    • Flag

    Oh And I live with a die hard football fan, I'm talking about two tv's in the man cave, wont leave the couch, yelling and screaming at the tv. I was told to try and watch a game with him. Go to the sports bar and have a beer together during the game. This way your spending some time together, even if you just watch the first half.

    • Reply
  • Maltese
    Master June 2015
    Maltese ·
    • Flag

    Awww....Mrs Hicks, I was going to say Welcome Back, but this isnt a happy occasional to cause your return. Oh hell, regardless, welcome back!

    • Reply
  • mrsrobinvalentine
    Master February 2014
    mrsrobinvalentine ·
    • Flag

    1st, let me say, marriage isn't easy and we all know that.

    When I became a women of a certain age, my views & patience changed. My DH doesn't always see things my way nor do I see things his way all the time. I've learned how to think before I respond, before I was guilty of reacting & flying off the handle. Anywho, my DH doesn't go out unless it's a family holiday dinner or celebration. He works long hard days, 7 days a week. When he's home, he is a couch potato. He loves football, basketball, all sports including high school & college football. So I give him that, sometimes I watch with him & other times NOT. Our lines of communication has gotten better. We have date night, he plans them. I have my volunteer work and my 12yrs old daughter that keeps me busy. During our premarital counseling, the Pastor said, "we should wake up everyday, thinking what can we do to make our spouse happy". Ask your husband to try that. Be happy and give yourself & your marriage more time. He's probably trying to prove to his self that he's still the man. His ego will deflate, soon. I'm not on facebook anymore, but if you want to talk, call me at 973-855-3602 Hugs & smooches

    • Reply

Comment on this discussion

×