Not everyday is easy for us either, we didn't live together. But for us, it's not that bad so far. What makes you unsure that you're going to make it?
Rachel DellaPorte ·
Oh, Mrs. Hicks...I'm sorry. I remember you hit a rough patch shortly before the wedding. Maybe it's time to find a good family therapist. Ten years and a marriage? It's worth trying every remedy available. Stay in touch. Wishing you the best....
No we did not live together. Since being married we are living 2 totally separate lives. He says he sees nothing wrong with it. He is always hanging out with his friends. I work 2 full time jobs and I am off on Wednesday nights, which is supposed to be date night and we just sit in a room together barely talking. I am off every other Sunday and he is gone the whole day hanging out with friends. I have tried talking to him but then he thinks I am nagging. He seems to want a wife at home but wants to hang with friends and live the single life. I just can't live like this.
Things definitely change when you move in together. You do have somewhat separate lives because now that you are spending all of your time together, you need some time apart. So with us, FH plays video games on his computer (big gamer) and I do other things. We are both independent people so we appreciate our alone time. But we have the same group of friends so we almost always go out to the same events unless I don't feel like going out or it's a girls thing and he doesn't go. Even though it may not seem like quality time to you because you are watching tv and doing the dishes, that is counted as together time. It's hard to adjust as first, but things change. That's why I'm very adamant about living together for at least one year before marriage. People change when you live with them. Obviously, you didn't live together before for your own reasons and can't change that. But just letting you know that it's normal to feel a little strange living together at first. But I definitely recommend counseling since he is blowing you off when you try to talk about it and you aren't going out with friends together. I'm sure not every single night out is a boy's only night.
Good luck! Maybe trying counseling. I know a lot of people think of it in negative light, but it can give you a neutral space to share your feelings. I have heard that even if you life together married life can be different. Hoping for the best for you!
Valarie, we don't talk like we used to, don't text. It is just all different, just like that. I don't get it. Chantel it is just so hard to live like this. Everyone thanks for the hugs, well wishes and just for letting me vent. At 47 years old, I thought I was marrying my friend and partner for life. I just didn't see this coming.
I think he might be dealing with it differently. You have to remember that women usually fawn over the idea of marriage while men grow into it. Just be patient and understanding.
A counselor once broke down the phenomenon of "nagging" to DH and I. She said, "Men like to do things on their own time on their own schedule. So even though they hear you or the understand, they think, 'Yeah I can get around to that'. But women, in their head they think, 'He loves me so I'm important to him so my feelings are important to him and what I say is important to him'. So then you repeat it over, and over, and over again. Tada. Nagging."
He hears you. He probably heard you the first time. I'm not saying to let him get away with murder, but constantly bringing it up just drives him in the other direction. Plan the Wednesday together so that when he gets home, you're not just starring at each other. Do something awesome and remind him what it's like to spend stress free time together. Replace the "nagging" feelings with positive ones.