Nicole
Savvy June 2019

5 Babies

Nicole, on February 18, 2019 at 9:00 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 162
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Hello all! I’m having an “adults only” wedding and reception and am having some troubles with some of the guests that have babies. So here’s the situation: most of our family and friends are local to us, however our ceremony and reception is about and hour and a half away. Meaning most people will have at least that long of a drive to get there and return home. Combined there are 3 guests with babies 6 months or less and 2 guests with babies 12 months or less... that’s 5 babies total. I would prefer “adults only” to also exclude babies, however the 3 people with babies under 6 months are also all in the bridal party! So some of them think they should be aloud to bring their babies because of this. I understand they don’t want to leave their babies, but they also knew our wedding would be adults only for over a year and we made it clear we didn’t want any children. Our reception venue is also extremely small and our guest list is already maxed out.

If we allow the 3 people in our bridal party to bring their babies I’m afraid it may upset other with guests with small children (which combined there are 15 under the age of 3). What does everyone think?

162 Comments

  • Kelly
    Master October 2018
    Kelly ·
    Usually babies that are being breastfed are an exception to the adults only rule because they can’t be away from their mother for that long.
  • Caytlyn
    Champion November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    You cannot tell a mother to leave behind their infant, especially if they’re nursing. It doesn’t matter what your vision looks like, a child’s basic needs are more
    important.
  • Ana
    Savvy October 2020
    Ana ·
    We are having an adults only wedding. A lot of vendors charger per head, regardless of age. We have some guests that will have babies/young children at that time and they aren’t invited - no exceptions. We are paying for our wedding 100%, this is our day, and you can leave your kid at home for ONE night. I’ve said it time and time again, children and weddings do not mix. If anyone had issues, explain your budget and space concerns. True friends and family will respect what you ask and leave the little ones with a babysitter for the evening
  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
    But the babies are so young. Where they pregnant before you started planning. Either way yes babies who are breast fed need to be fed. AND BEFORE anyone makes the daycare argument. Many moms come to the daycare and breast feed. I workmin daycare.
  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
    View Quoted Comment
    How does baby eat?
  • Ana
    Savvy October 2020
    Ana ·
    View Quoted Comment
    Stored Breast milk! Many mothers have to leave their children while they go back to work and the baby is still breastfeeding. There is always an option for pumping ahead of time and leaving it with the sitter/family member. Many mothers also choose not to breastfeed their babies and rely on formula for nourishment. Again, leaving these supplies with the sitter for A FEW HOURS OF THE BABIES LIFE will be okay. As long as your sitter is reliable and competent to feed a child, you will be good for the short duration of a wedding!
  • Laura
    Devoted January 2020
    Laura ·
    I’m having adults only except the bridal party! We don’t have any nursing babies but they’re usually an exclusion!
  • Laura
    Devoted January 2020
    Laura ·
    View Quoted Comment
    It all depends on the mother and their nursing and feeding style. Also if they are in the bridal party she should have a conversation with them. I think bridal party is an exception because they’re in the wedding.
  • Caytlyn
    Champion November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    View Quoted Comment
    You don’t get to dictate how someone raises their child. Many parents don’t feel comfortable leaving their months-old child with a sitter. Pumping absolutely is not always an option and some mothers simply choose not to. I know plenty of moms who exclusively breast feed.
  • Mrs. Dujmovic
    Devoted July 2019
    Mrs. Dujmovic ·

    In my opinion, it's not rude to be firm with your adults only invitation. It is you and your future spouse's day, leaving a baby at home for a night should not be worth fighting over. Just be prepared that those with young children and babies may not come if you stick to this rule.

    You don't want to have any regrets... decide what's more important: the possibility of your guests/bridesmaids not coming or keeping your adults only wedding vision.

    Do what's best for you and your future spouse! Some may say it's selfish... but in my opinion this is the one day you should have everything the way you want it!


  • Ana
    Savvy October 2020
    Ana ·
    View Quoted Comment
    I’m not dictating how someone parents, I’m dictating what happens at MY wedding. It has been made clear to our guests who is and isn’t invited, and anyone with concerns can talk to us. We have credible sitters in the area that are available for hire. But it’s an adults only wedding - no exceptions! That’s just me though - everyone gets to decide who they have at their wedding.

    Nicole - remember it’s YOUR day, make sure it’s how you want it!
  • Leigh
    Dedicated January 2020
    Leigh ·
    I think it depends on if you are ok with those people dropping out of your wedding party or not coming to the wedding. I have had friends that wouldn’t even leave babies that young with grandparents, not saying that’s right, but that’s how some people are. I don’t think there’s a right/wrong answer here, it’s just a matter of whether you’d rather have those people there with the babies or potentially not at all.
  • Kat
    Expert May 2019
    Kat ·
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree with this. I think making exceptions to the no kids/no babies rule for only certain people is asking for trouble. My MOH will have a 4 month old at the time of our wedding and never asked to bring her because she knew we were doing no kids. She had plenty of notice to make arrangements and asked her mom to watch the baby that weekend, it wasn’t really an issue. Plus it lets her and her husband enjoy the evening.

    To answer the breastfeeding question, most women will have some pumped milk stored which can be fed to the baby in a bottle. Someone else CAN watch the baby for a night (if the mom is comfortable with that of course)!
  • Nicole
    Savvy June 2019
    Nicole ·
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree! it’s just annoying because they knew what we wanted from the beginning and now that the babies are here they expect something else.
  • Nicole
    Savvy June 2019
    Nicole ·
    Yes exactly! It would definitely cause problems with the many other people who have young kids
  • S
    Devoted January 2019
    S ·

    If you don't want babies, you have to give the bridesmaids the option to drop out of the wedding party. Pumping, formula, family, and sitters are a great option for many women. But some don't want to or can't use those options. It's up to the mother if she wants to leave her baby or not.

  • Leigh
    Dedicated January 2020
    Leigh ·
    View Quoted Comment
    So I totally get how frustrated you are, but are some of them first time parents? My friends who became moms changed immediately and I realized part of being their friend meant I was going to have to adjust. It’s definitely rough when it affects things that you had planned way in advance and thought were settled, especially as important as your wedding. I’d cut them less slack if they’re not new to parenting - if they’ve done it before they know what having a newborn is like.
  • S
    Devoted January 2019
    S ·
    View Quoted Comment

    People can't always know what it will be like in advance, especially if it was a first-time pregnancy. Mothers have to prioritize what they think is best for their babies over being in a wedding. I understand that can be disappointing, but it isn't really their fault.

  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
    View Quoted Comment
    A lot of moms go and pump at the babies school cause it is painful and hard.
  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
    View Quoted Comment
    We’re they pregnant before you got married?

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