Master September 2015

10 things you'll hear if you keep your name

winnipegwriter, on September 2, 2015 at 11:05 AM Posted in Community Conversations 0 18
Saved Save

I've already gotten most of these and we're not even married yet...why do people care so much?!


  • Tara
    VIP April 2015
    Tara ·

    Yup, so true!

    It was literally the day of the wedding and DH's aunt was writing on my FB wall telling me to change my weird. I don't understand why people care.

  • Celia Milton
    October 2019
    Celia Milton ·

    Ha ha,.....I'm divorced and I kept my married name ;-)

  • Brenda
    Super September 2015
    Brenda ·

    Ugh, i've just told people that I asked him to change his name to mine and he didn't want to so that settled that.

  • Janet
    Expert October 2015
    Janet ·

    @Brenda, I am doing the same! FH can take my name, but I'll keep the name I've had my whole life.

  • Wedding Belles
    VIP April 2016
    Wedding Belles ·

    ^ lol Good answer, Brenda! A friend of mine was recently married and her husband feels some intense irritation about the fact that she didn't take his name. She told me she plans to hyphenate, but who knows. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm doing with mine.

  • NotAllWhoWanderAreLost
    Master August 2015
    NotAllWhoWanderAreLost ·

    This article is on point!

  • Original VC
    Master July 2015
    Original VC ·

    I actually got the opposite, lol. I called my embassy to ask how change my passport, and they lectured me for 10 minutes about how I must keep my own identity, how changing my name would not only mean submission to a man but also rejection of my roots, and how I must give my children a hyphenated last name.

    I hate nosy/opinionated people -_- whatever their opinions are.

  • Tammy
    Expert September 2015
    Tammy ·

    FH is more bothered about me not changing my last name than any of our family.

    I told him he always had the option of changing his last name to mine.

    His reply: Why would I do that?

    My reply: exactly.

    Changing my last name to FH's or his to mine has no basis on how much we love each other or how long we will be together.

  • Wedding Belles
    VIP April 2016
    Wedding Belles ·

    Wow, VC! That is bananas!

  • -
    VIP February 2017
    -- ·

    Thankfully we've avoided this so far. Or have just avoided nosy/opinionated people about the subject.

    FH's family isn't fussed that he's taking my name (divorced parents, FMIL's side isn't FFIL's biggest fan especially now FSFIL is in the picture.) and mine is ecstatic that FH is taking my surname.

    I'm sure he'll hear some variation of these from step family but.. work has been pretty swell about the plan already (Joking that his monogram would now have HQ in it.. considering he works in web design/dev.

  • Barbara
    Master September 2014
    Barbara ·

    I probably would have changed my name if I hadn't hear any of these when I even just suggested I might not change my name. It all just pissed me off so much!

  • Brenda
    Super September 2015
    Brenda ·

    Yea tammy that's how our discussion went and FSIL and FMIL didn't change their names to their husbands so his family didn't have that tradition anyway. My grandmothers didn't either and my mom did because she wanted to but it's not that common in our families.

  • ConcreteWife
    Expert September 2015
    ConcreteWife ·

    I'm keeping my name and adding his (I'll have two last names, no hyphen). I've heard, "isn't your name long enough already?" and "why don't you get rid of your middle name and make your maiden name your middle?" My middle is a family name that currently spans 4 generations and I'm not tossing it aside either, but thanks.

  • Yasmina
    Master November 2015
    Yasmina ·

    I don't get why other people think its their business.

    I mean...I have a friend who got married about a year ago, and on FB she still has her maiden name...I asked if she was planning to change it or if she was keeping her maiden name, only because I wanted to address the invitation correctly... (she said she is changing it, she's just lazy and hates the DMV. Her words. lol) But other than that purpose...who cares?

    I'm taking my FH's last name, but that's what works for me. I know other women who kept their maiden name, because that works for them. I know a guy who took his wife's last name after they married, because it meant a lot to her, and he didn't care.

    It seems like everyone these days have to get offended by SOMETHING, so they pick the dumbest little nitpicky things...

  • Chelsea
    Expert May 2016
    Chelsea ·

    It's crazy that people think it is their business whether you change your name or not. I am so excited to change my last name because my last name is a first name, and people ALWAYS call me Cathey, or spell it Cathy, or Kathy. Can't wait for a "real" last name. Haha

  • Tahoegirl
    Expert September 2015
    Tahoegirl ·

    It could also be that the people are truly curious. For me, I don't understand why someone wouldn't want to change their last name to their husbands. But, I never care enough to ask. It doesn't affect me, so whatever they want to do they can do.

  • Mrs. P
    Expert October 2015
    Mrs. P ·

    Like VC, I've gotten some pretty intense criticism about wanting to change my last name. It's mostly around "don't you want to be your own person?" and "oh, I care about my career too much to take a man's last name". One of my coworkers didn't even know how to pronounce my last name for the first year we worked together, and it didn't matter one bit.

    It's none of their business, but people will be giving unsolicited advice/judgement forever.

  • Tuesday
    Dedicated August 2015
    Tuesday ·

    I personally am planning on keeping both our last names. The day of my wedding my dad told me a really cute story, and that sealed the deal for me. I have experienced criticism from coworkers that think you should keep your maiden name or take his name and nothing else. It irritates me as it doesn't affect them at all, no matter what I choose.

    My DH is fine with whatever choice I make. One of the reasons I love him so much, he's really quite open minded.

Comment on this discussion