I have so much for which to be thankful. I am now engaged to the most beautiful woman I have ever met--inside and out. I’ve known Bethany for over three-and-a-half years now. Even before we met in person, a mutual friend, Monica, expressed to Bethany (while they were deployed and serving together in Texas) that she had the perfect man for her (and that was back in 2008!). We actually met on January 25, 2009, after Dr. Denny Nissley of Christ In Action (CIA) spoke at Mountain View Community Church, where I attended. I was invited out to lunch after church and met several new people there, including Bethany. Little did I know, that God would call me to serve with Christ In Action and that one of those new acquaintances would become my best friend and future wife.
Just a few months later, I began working with Christ In Action part-time as the Director of Information Technology, yet Bethany and I remained co-workers and nothing more. The only interest expressed was Bethany’s family and friends trying to coax her to reach out to me. I remained clueless.
Throughout those three years, Bethany and I worked well together. We traveled together and served together in Virginia, Maryland, South Carolina, Haiti, Mexico, Texas, South Dakota, Alabama, North Carolina and Pennsylvania. Our first road trip together was from Virginia to South Carolina. Since I had plenty of video editing to keep me busy, we said hardly anything the whole trip. We made one stop for lunch and fuel, where I attempted to open doors and pump fuel for her... didn’t try that again.
During our three weeks spent in Haiti, Bethany said she received a new appreciation for me and the way I supported her emotionally through our difficult time there. I thank God for how He used us, these times.
THE DECOY
In December of 2011, though the request was unexpected, Bethany prayerfully began a relationship with a young man. As her co-worker, I was truly happy for her in this new found romance. For the next two months, since Bethany was “attached,” we grew closer as friends. We actually talked about deeper things and had opportunities to get to know more of each other since there wasn’t the possibility of anyone “misconstruing” pure intentions. As Bethany’s relationship continued, God seemed to be leading them apart, and at the beginning of our deployment to Kentucky following the March 2012 tornadoes, that relationship ended by mutual agreement--clearly, God’s leading, yet confusing for Bethany. Why would God have her begin and end this relationship so quickly and abruptly? Bethany’s mom lovingly suggested, “Maybe this guy was a ‘decoy’?”
MORE THAN ACQUAINTANCES
As we served together in Kentucky, God began to open our eyes to see each other in a new light. I soon realized that there was more to Bethany than a confident, capable leader with a guarded heart and exceptional work ethic. In those weeks, I knew that I wanted to get to know the whole Bethany and not just the bits and pieces I had been previously allowed to see. I sensed that she wanted to do the same, but neither of us had talked openly about the possibilities. Part of the problem was that I had already decided to transition from Christ In Action to another relief organization (Crisis Response International), and I had planned to leave for Hawaii (for an undetermined number of years) in April. I thought that perhaps in a year or two after my time with CRI, *if* God brought be back around, *then* maybe something could work out. As I pondered the possibilities, I knew that I at least needed to speak with Bethany so that she knew of my desire to (eventually) pursue her. If I was going to discuss such matters with her, then I needed to speak with her dad (my boss) as well.
Toward the end of March, while we were still deployed in KY, I needed to return to Virginia for two days for a training course that CIA was hosting. As I packed my bag in KY that Thursday morning, I felt God push me to talk with Denny that morning before I left. I wasn’t expecting to do this until later, but His direction was clear. Denny walked back into our room (the two of us were sharing the pastor’s office as our sleeping quarters) and sat down. I began my ramblings: “Denny, I need your advice on something...” I continued to try to describe what I *perceived* to be happening between his second oldest daughter and myself--with no guarantee that I was right. I also mentioned my concern for Bethany’s “recovery” from her previous relationship and the fact that I still believed that I was to leave for Hawaii to serve with CRI until further notice, yet I was also supposed to pursue his daughter. To me, it did not make any sense. After I concluded with an unsure “so, what do you think?,” Denny sat back, and said, “Well, about a year-and-a-half or two years ago, God told me this was going to happen.” I was dumbfounded and surprised to hear him basically say “Yes, do whatever you want. Just talk to Sandy (Bethany’s mom) when you get to Virginia.” After I made sure I understood that he had no concerns with this pursuit happening now, I walked out of the room with my bag and a “thank you, God” in my heart.
While I was in Virginia, I had little downtime, so it wasn’t until the very last minute that I had a chance to sit down with Sandy. I explained myself to her as I had done to Denny, being sure to include the parts about me leaving for Hawaii and Bethany’s recent breakup and how this whole thing didn’t make any sense to me, BUT I believed I was being obedient to God by walking down this road, wherever it led. I was again surprised by an excited and positive response (in her words, she was “jazzed” for us), and I walked away hoping I had explained things well enough. With a dual-stamp of approval, all I needed to do was express my heart to Bethany and PRAY that she felt the same way (at least enough to give me a chance!). I hurried to finish editing a deployment video, showed the video at the conference after lunch, closed my laptop, walked out the door, hopped in the truck and started DRIVING. Picking up flowers along the way (wrong color, *oops*), I made one fuel stop (pulled to the side of the interstate, fueled up from the auxiliary tank in the bed of the truck, and kept on driving), a promised Starbucks stop (where I also picked up a card for Bethany), and I made that trip in a record time of just under 7 hours.
SURPRISED
While I had been in Virginia, Denny had Bethany ride back with him after a normal day of work in Salyersville, KY. As they rode home, Denny said, “I had a young man approach me about pursuing pursuing a relationship with you. Do you know who it is?” Taken aback by how this was so soon after her breakup (and hardly anyone knew about the breakup), she said that she had no idea who would have approached him. When he told her it was me, he immediately began to recount how whenever he had talked to her about me, that she would always say how there was nothing between us, but he didn’t know if something may have changed. When Bethany said “It has,” she was immediately barraged by a host of inquisitions--”When did this happen?! What changed?! Why the sudden change?!” Bethany wasn’t sure exactly *when* it had changed, but she definitely knew that things had changed between us. Both were excited! Denny told me that he had talked to her. He also told her that I was in the know, BUT neither Bethany nor I mentioned our knowledge to the other while I was away--I wanted to talk to her face-to-face!
So this was my opportunity--I made it back to KY a little before 9PM, and curfew wasn’t until 10, so I staged the flowers and card near the parsonage porch swing. Even as I was pulling into the church, I had asked Denny “Are you sure that she is ready for this and that I shouldn’t wait?” “Absolutely, she is ready,” was his reply. So once I was back, I sent her a text and asked if we could talk that night. Of course, she said “yes,” and I met her out in the parking lot. Once we started walking and trying to hold a serious conversation, we realized that it was virtually impossible to do so and maintain eye contact. I asked if she wanted to go over and sit on the swing, and she agreed. As we made our way over to the swing, we were greeted by the pastor and his wife who were leaving the parsonage. They welcomed me back warmly, though both Bethany and I did our best to graciously pull ourselves away so we could continue our talk. We sat down, and I did my best to express what I thought was going on between us, how it didn’t make any sense to me, how I was still supposed to go to Hawaii yet also get to know her more fully. At the end of my speech, I couldn’t quite tell what her answer was going to be. She asked me to clarify what I was actually asking exactly. I told her how I wanted to enter into a courtship with her for the intent of seeing if we were well-suited to one another and, if so, be married someday. To this, she pondered and replied, “Well, the short answer is ‘yes.’” To which I replied, “Well, if the long answer doesn’t differ too much from that, then I think we’re okay!”
Since that evening, March 24, 2012, I have felt like the most blessed man in this world. Bethany and I have shared so many laughs and conversations. We even shared our first dates while on deployment in Kentucky. A few days later, I found out that I would be able to stay in Kentucky with CIA until the middle of April. Over the course of the next months, my departure date would get pushed out due to my involvement in various personal and ministry activities. Each time the date was changed, we both were overjoyed and thanked God for the opportunity to spend more time together in the same state.
God used that time to confirm that I was in the right place (serving with CRI) for this season, but I would not be with CRI long term. When I shared this with CRI, along with what God was doing and how I believed I was to be engaged soon, I received much encouragement and confirmation that I was to remain in VA and continue pursuing this amazing blessing that God has placed before me. The next step was to talk with Denny again before I could “pop the question.” This meeting took place at Red Robin over lunch, and I was delighted to hear a resounding “yes” from Denny. I begged him not to tell anyone so that the proposal could be a surprise. Now, I just needed the ring in my hand.
