What to do with estranged father of the bride???
My ex-husband paid child support until the bride reached 18, but completely ignored her in every other way. No contact whatsoever. When she turned 18, he flew her out to visit once or twice, and then nothing again. When she became engaged at 22,I called to see if he wanted to be involved, and participate in the wedding both physically and financially, and he claimed he did. I sent him a list of prices and vendors that we chose, and asked that he get back to us as soon as possible for planning purposes, and he has remained absolutely silent for at least a month now, and has paid for nothing. He won't answer calls, emails, or text messages. I am happy to move foward and just handle everything myself. My current husband who is the brides step-father for the last 12 years is happy to perform all father of the bride duties, but because there has been NO communication from him, we don't know exactly what to expect. Do we plan for him to show up? do we plan to include him if he does?

Married: 01/17/2010
Posted On: Oct 11, 2009 at 9:24 PM • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

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DreamComeTrue
Married: 06/25/2011
Oct 11, 2009 at 9:33 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I am sorry that you and your daughter are going thru this. However, it is a Blessing that her stepfather has taken the father role in her life. Unfortunately, I am in a similar situation with my dad. I'd say plan without him. Therefore, if he does come thru as he should it will be a gift that you weren't expecting! Congratulations to you and your daughter!

Married: 07/10/2010
Reviews: 3
Oct 11, 2009 at 9:36 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
i agree with dream. but more importantly how does your daughter feel about it? it seems to me that your husband has truly been her father from what you have said.

Married: 01/17/2010
Oct 11, 2009 at 10:17 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Yeah, my daughter loves my husband, and will be happy with him doing all of the honors, but should I be including her bio-father in some of the honors if he shows? My daughter SAYS that if he doesn't step up she couldn't care less, but I know that it will crush her on some level.

Married: 01/17/2010
Oct 11, 2009 at 10:18 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thanks for the advice!

Married: 11/14/2009
Oct 12, 2009 at 12:49 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I AGREE WITH JUST4ME. WHEN MY BRO GOT MARRIED HIS WIFE HAD A SIMILAR SITUATION. WHAT SHE DID WAS THAT SHE LET HER STEP-FATHER WALK HER DOWN THE AILE SINCE SHE FELT HE DESERVED IT SINCE HE WAS THE ONE THAT HAD BEEN IN HER LIFE AND WAS LIKE A FATHER FIGURE. ALTHOUGH HER BIO FATHER WAS INVITED AND DID ATTEND. I THINK THAT A FATHER IS NOT THE ONE THAT HELPS YOU COME INTO TO THIS WORLD BUT THE ONE THAT RAISES U. JUST MY THOUGHT. MY FH FATHER HASNT BEEN IN HIS LIFE BUT HE LOVES HIS STEP-FATHER LIKE IF HE WAS HIS BIO FATHER BUT BECAUSE HE PRACTICALY RAISED HIM IN TO THE MAN THAT HE NOW IS. GOOD LUCK. HAVE A TALK WITH YOUR DAUGTHER AND ASK HER HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT IT AND WHO SHE THINKS DESEREVES TO SHARE THAT SPECIAL DAY WITH HER.

Married: 01/17/2010
Oct 12, 2009 at 8:03 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thanks!

icart
Married: 2+ years ago
Oct 12, 2009 at 8:15 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
On moms note, how do you feel about it? She tried to include him,however he has done nothing. So in a moms stand point if he shows up for anything just treat him like any other guest without honors. If an when my daughters get married and if they don't want their father to even know that is all the best for me and my FH, as he would only make their life hell. Talk it over with your daughter. She is the one that matters on this day.

Married: 01/17/2010
Oct 12, 2009 at 8:31 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I hate him for rejecting her AGAIN. I was all ready to play the gracious host, and be civil and polite and drop dead gorgeous, and now I just want to rip his eyes out the sockets and leave him for dead.
Should I just detach?? Play like he's of no consequence whether he's there or not?
My daughter will be happy with her step-dad, but she will still be in a state of disbelief that her BF could be a big enough jerk to actually NOT be involved in her wedding.

Married: 07/24/2010
Oct 12, 2009 at 8:39 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
As a daughter and a bride in the same situation, I am torn as to even invite him or not. My mom says I need to invite him even though my stepfather is walking me down the aile. I don't feel that I should due to the fact of him not being a part of my life now. I probably will invite him but I am NOT including him in on any plans or anything and when they ask who gives this bride away, he will remain seated. He gave up that right when he gave me up.

Married: 01/17/2010
Oct 12, 2009 at 8:46 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I think you're right. When a "father" decides that it is not important to father his child, then he also makes the decision that he will not BE important in his daughters life.

Married: 02/13/2011
Oct 12, 2009 at 9:15 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
There is more to being a father than just finacially supporting them. Your current husband has been the only real father that she has had. If your ex husband decides to go, then fine but, IMO he doesn't deserve to be showcased like anyone special. Discuss it with your daughter and follow what her heart is telling her. Just try not to have her get to excited in case he doesn't show up. Wishing you the best of luck!

Married: 10/24/2009
Reviews: 2
Oct 12, 2009 at 11:47 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I agree with TinkerBell - This man really hasn't earned the right to any of the FOB privileges. I say at this point plan without him (logistically & financially), send him and invitation, and be as gracious to him as you would any other guest if he shows. But he should not be given any special roles. Of course, this all depends on what your daughter thinks. She should really be calling the shots on this one, with you right there carrying them out and backing her up (sounds like you're good with that). She knows how she feels and what her relationship with him is like, share your opinion, but let her decide if she even wants to send him an invitation. Best of luck!

Married: 02/27/2010
Reviews: 6
Oct 12, 2009 at 7:34 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
This is my sitution to a "T". Only my mom doesn't want my Bio Father to be there. My step father is my dad. I'm inviting my Bio Father but he will only be a guest to my wedding. He's still my father wether he's a loser or not. I don't want to die thinking or feeling guilty that he was not there. My son will be walking me down the isle & my mother will give me away. My son's only 4, so my mom has to speak for the both of them.

Married: 08/22/2009
Reviews: 6
Oct 12, 2009 at 7:41 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Sounds like you have more of a sperm donor than a father. I woudl give him one more chance to respond to helping/being a part of the weddign (and let him know in whatever way you contact him that it is his last chance to be a part of rather than an invited guest,) Perhaps he has some financial constraints that he is ashamed of?? If he doesn't contact you back, send him an invite and treat him as any other guest so long as you daughter is ok w/ him being invited. Don't give him any rights or privelidges that he has not earned. It sounds like your husband is her "dad" and thats what a girl needs on her big day. Just my humble opinion... I almost wish my dad hadn't shown up for my wedding b/c he cuased me stress the whole weekend and judged everyone there b/c he doesnt drink and everyone else did and had A GREAT time, while he was being gloomy.

Married: 01/17/2010
Oct 12, 2009 at 7:49 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
More good advice, thanks so much everyone!

DreamComeTrue
Married: 06/25/2011
Oct 12, 2009 at 8:53 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Bpetersen you nailed it on the head! Capecoutures reading your profile makes me understand how my mom feels. After the divorce she has been a single mom and me being the oldest we are totally close and she is so hurt by my fathers indifference. My siblings say just get the money. He hasn't offered any yet but usually he feels guilty and gives us money instead of showing up to events (like he did when i earned my Masters). I won't lie it hurts, but pretending and having him walk me down the isle would hurt so much more. Your daughter will be ok and she's blessed that stepdad has taken on the role of a dad!

Married: 07/17/2010
Oct 15, 2009 at 5:06 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I'm in a similar situation, and I'm just planning not to include my bio-father. My step dad has been around over half my life & am having him walk me down the asile, do the father-daughter dance, etc. To me, being a actual father is more than being apart in conciving the child. Its actually being there for them, & that was always my step dad. He may or may not attend, but for all I'm concerned my dad is going to be there. & I'm sure your daughter probably feels the same way.

Married: 07/03/2010
Oct 23, 2009 at 6:01 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I REALY know how you feel. My dad has been in my life as far as that he payed support and he took me everyother weekend. He never came to games or dances, that I did all of middle and high school. when we told him We are getting married he said NO. As the planning is still going on, he tells me that he is not going to come. He thinks we should wait. I believe(know) that he does not like My FH. So I asked my bro. to walk me down. IF she feels that she is closer to her stepdad and he supports the whole thing that is who it should be. If the BIO. father has not made no point to call or send money then I would count him out. Just like mine. I will be hurt if he is not there, but in the end it is his lost that he missed out on the biggest day of my life and some for your daughter. hope this helps you and your daughter.
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