What is a polite way of telling guests they can't just invite extra people?
We're having a problem with a lot of our guests. Unfortunately, me and FH are young (22-23) and a lot of our friends haven't been to a wedding before and don't know proper etiquette. We have had a couple friends (that we weren't that close with and weren't planning on inviting) post their address to our facebook wall saying "Here's my address! I know you're sending out STDs! So excited to get mine!" Etc. Now, someone who we haven't heard from in over a year (not a peep when me and FH got engaged OR had a baby) is upset that he didn't get an invite and asked someone else that was invited to the wedding if he could be their plus 1. Ugh! I really don't feel like hurting peoples feelings... but I don't want to keep paying for extra people. We got another message today that a groomsman wants to bring a date to the wedding but he doesn't know who yet (cause he isn't with anyone). Is it bad that we're only allowing couples that have been together for at least a couple months? Any advice? :(

*Peacock*TheWifey
Married: 08/27/2011
Posted On: Jun 9, 2011 at 11:45 PM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

17 Comments | Login or Signup to post a comment!

Chesty LaRue
Married: 08/27/2011
Jun 09, 2011 at 11:51 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
It is not bad. On my RSVP cards I wrote in how many seats were reserved in their honor and made it clear on the website that the number on the card includes the addressee. I also added that if they had issues to contact me. If there is space I may give but only to long standing couples. As for the FB friend who wasnt even invited, you have not spoken to him in forever he wasnt there at other major milestones in your life (the baby) and he wants an invite??? Its sounds like he just want to party on your dime. I would worry about his feelings. I would tell him just want you posted here "Space is limited, and we haven't spoken to you in a long time."

Natalie
Married: 11/05/2011
Jun 09, 2011 at 11:53 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I will post what I have enclosed in my invitations I actually have two sets. One for those who have two seats and one seat reserved


Married: 11/11/2011
Jun 09, 2011 at 11:55 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
i understand! i am on the if i dont want you there. This is how i am going to handle the plus one issue. " i am sorry but we are not allowing our guests to bring dates that we did not invite, we really want an small intimate wedding with those who are truly close with us and not strangers" though my dating limit is 6 months.
Edited On: Jun 09, 2011 at 11:57 PM

Married: 07/27/2012
Reviews: 8
Jun 09, 2011 at 11:58 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Natalie I like that card, I was also wondering the same thing even though I haven't sent out anything yet I have a feeling this will become an issue for me.

Crystal S
Wedding: 12/16/2014
Jun 10, 2011 at 12:05 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Natalie, that card is beautiful!!!!

Natalie
Married: 11/05/2011
Jun 10, 2011 at 12:09 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
@Natacha I got those cards at vistaprint.com for free (except shipping) I just made regular business cards. I made 2 sets because some people are allowed to bring a guest, but people like my coworkers,Im sitting them together so no guest for them

*Peacock*TheWifey
Married: 08/27/2011
Jun 10, 2011 at 12:16 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thanks for the help girls, I actually ended up saying something to this effect. "Due to our budget restrictions we cannot allow extra guests at this time, but we will be sure to seat you with people you know and love!" We'll see how it goes haha.

Married: 07/27/2012
Reviews: 8
Jun 10, 2011 at 12:19 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Ooh thanks Natalie I will have to go take a look, I'll probably use them when I send out our invitations
And Lea hope that helps, it's really sad how people can do so disrespectful things and just think it's ok. :/

Married: 09/17/2011
Jun 10, 2011 at 12:19 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Everyone is having to cut back because of the economy right now. We made a rule that we were only inviting significant others that have been together for as long as we have been or are engaged. (We've been together for over 5 years, so that sets the bar decently high too.) I have friends who have been dating someone for say 3 years and I've just been open with them. I've explained our "rule" since our guest list was getting out of control - saying the only exception was for members of our wedding party. We're allowing them to bring dates if they're in a relationship no matter how long it's been.
Anyway, the people I've spoken to have been extremely understanding. I've also mentioned that I really wish I could have their bf/gf there and that if circumstances change later on, I'll definitely let them know so they can be included too. We didn't send STDs and our invites still have to go out, but I've called a few people to "warn" them. They've been incredibly understanding about

Married: 10/01/2011
Reviews: 14
Jun 10, 2011 at 12:20 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Lea, that is very nicely done. I answered that question on my FAQ page by saying:
"Please restrict the attendees in your party to those listed on your invitation. We wish we could accommodate all our friends and family, but resources restrict this. We hope that we are able to celebrate with others at a later date!"

Meghan
Married: 08/20/2011
Reviews: 3
Jun 10, 2011 at 12:20 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Make it WELL known that you are having a very small wedding. Unfortunately, guests cannot be accomodated. For the groomsmen, smack him upside the head! If that doesn't work, just tell him it wouldn't be fair to his guest. He will be busy that day with bridal party activities, so anyone he brought would be sitting alone. That's not fair to them.

Married: 09/17/2011
Jun 10, 2011 at 12:22 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
it. If they're really your friend, they'll understand and just be happy for you. It's not rude of you to not invite them, it's rude of them to think their date is automatically included. People who haven't been through wedding planning don't understand. It sucks 'cause you're probably going to upset someone, but if they love you, they'll get over it.
I think you're being overly generous already allowing fairly new couples to bring their date. You shouldn't have to provide a significant other to every single on the list. Just make a steadfast rule and stick to it. Then no one can be upset.

*Peacock*TheWifey
Married: 08/27/2011
Jun 10, 2011 at 12:31 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
The groomsman just texted back that it's someone we know, and asked if he could pay for her so he could bring her? Ughhh... now what?

Jane
Married: 07/19/2011
Jun 10, 2011 at 12:34 AM • 
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void
Married: 2+ years ago
Jun 10, 2011 at 12:36 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Ugh, I hate that crap. You already told him no!

I'm brutal. I'd reply back with "The answer is still no, you can come alone or not at all."

Meghan
Married: 08/20/2011
Reviews: 3
Jun 10, 2011 at 12:41 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Tell him if it's someone you know, and they aren't already invited- then No! If they are dating, he shouldn't be hiding it from you two...

But tell him that the wedding itself is still 2 1/2 months out... you can't give up an extra seat just yet. You already can't invite all of your friends that you want to...

*Peacock*TheWifey
Married: 08/27/2011
Jun 10, 2011 at 12:51 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I just feel so bad. He's a really good friend of ours so I want him to be happy, but at the same time if we let him do it, it'll open up a can of worms and everyone'll be begging to bring someone... It's such a damned if you do, damned if you don't part of the wedding process.

Married: 08/27/2011
Reviews: 1
Jun 10, 2011 at 2:59 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Tell him that his request has been acknowledged but you need to get responses back first and if anyone is not attending (which sounds like everyone will show up), then you will try to accommodate his friend. Either way, he probably doesn't know all of your and FH's family so he'd never know if anyone said they weren't going. Then you can make the decision on whether or not to extend his invite or not.
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