Vows to future Step children?
Hey ladies! I haven't been on here in a while- but I was watching David Tutera's My Fair Wedding premier tonight and the husband on the show pulled the wife's 12 year old son and said a set of vows to him and asked him to take him as his father. I thought it was the cutest thing! it brought me to tears! I have 3 children and I was wondering what are your thoughts on having a future spouse say a set of vows to the children in the family too? Do you think it's too much? or is it important for the little ones?

Married: 2+ years ago
Posted On: Jan 2, 2011 at 10:55 PM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

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Married: 06/11/2011
Jan 02, 2011 at 10:58 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
We are giving his Daughter a special locket and letting her do the sand ceremony with us!

Married: 08/18/2012
Jan 02, 2011 at 11:01 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
When my mom got married i had vows between and my step-dad. It was quick but they pretty much said to him, asked if he would take me in as his own and love me like his own. Stuff like that. He said "yes, of course" (Since i do should be said between the bride and groom) Then they asked me if i would take him into our family and treat him like a father figure. I said "Yes, of course" as well. And it was done. That was done when i was i think 10 or 11. I am now 19, and i know that it ment a lot to me that i was a part of the wedding (more then just a BM). It made me feel like i mattered, and a big part of my mammas big day.
Thought you would just like to know from a "kids" point of view that went through that.
Hope that helps!

Married: 2+ years ago
Jan 02, 2011 at 11:07 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
@ Natasha- It does help a lot! Thank you! My little ones are little- literally- when we get married they will be 7,5, and 4. But My FH is amazing with them- sooo much better than their biological father is and I think it will mean a lot to them to be a part of the whole thing and to know that the marriage is not only between me and Joey, but between all of us as a family! We have already decided to write our own vows and I think i'm going to mention the idea to my fiance and see what he thinks!

@ Tori- The locket is an awesome idea! What is a sand ceremony?

Married: 08/18/2012
Jan 02, 2011 at 11:11 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Im glad i could help =]
At the time in my life Chris (my step-father) was the only dad i really knew. So it ment a lot to me. I still talk about how much it means to me with my mom and him.
My step-dad even showed me the ring first and asked me if it was okay for him to purpose to my mom.

I think the vows is a great way to show the kids that the day is a big day for them as well and the day is celebrate the growth of your family

Married: 2+ years ago
Jan 02, 2011 at 11:16 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I def. agree. The children's father is around but he is horrible with them when he does take them- and the kids HATE going there. They always ask my fiance when he is going to be their real daddy- and i NEVER say anything about that to them ever- i never say anything bad about their father to them and neither does my fiance. I just think it shows a lot that a 3,4, and 5 year old can all look at the situation and see everything on their own. I have even spoken to my ex about what they say when they come home and he never changes anything. It's sad. So i def. agree with you. The day is not only to celebrate me and my fiance, but our family as a whole now. =-)

2d Bride
Married: 10/06/2009
Reviews: 12
Jan 02, 2011 at 11:35 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Honestly, I would be very wary of "family vows." First, if a child did not want to take your FI as his stepfather, could he really say no? I wouldn't think so. It is your decision to marry him, not your children's. And making your children make promises based on decisions over which they have no control seems inappropriate.

Also, children already tend to feel guilty if a parent's marriage ends. Having a child make vows during the wedding seems like it would just exacerbate that. If God forbid your marriage should end, would you really want your kids thinking it was because they did not keep their vows properly?

Even if the vows are just from your FI to the children, not vice versa, the fact is that your FI is going to stay if and only if he continues to have a relationship with you, not with the kids. So it can easily become one more promise made to the kids that gets broken.

My kids were my attendants. But I definitely avoided them making or receiving vows.

Future Mrs. Coleman
Married: 04/28/2012
Jan 03, 2011 at 12:17 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I like the idea, just don't make it too complicated since they're younger, they might get bored too quick or get confused and say the wrong thing. And we all known how children get when they're embarrassed in front of a crowd.

Married: 2+ years ago
Jan 03, 2011 at 12:20 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Oh my goodness! I know! especially mine! lol I def would keep it short and sweet. I want it to be special, not something they are going to remember as embarrasing!

Married: 04/29/2011
Jan 03, 2011 at 12:36 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I love the idea, and I get 2d's thoughts too... for that reason FS will just "accept" her since he already has she calls him daddy since he's been around and her real dad has been MIA. So HE will say words to her and give her a token but not making her say any vows to him. make sense? eek hope so

Married: 2+ years ago
Jan 03, 2011 at 12:40 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Yes Hayley! I agree! I don't think it would be appropriate to do vows between them, because they are so young and I do not want them to make a promise that they do not understand. But I think it would be special for my FS to make a promise to the children to love them, cherish them, respect them, and treat them as he would his own.

Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 5
Jan 03, 2011 at 1:10 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
We are BOTH saying vows to the 4 children that I bring into our marriage. We're going cute and serious by promising to stalk them, love them and scare away the boogey man but all in all, I wanted them to feel like they were a part of the ceremony since they're a part of the family.

Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 5
Jan 03, 2011 at 1:13 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
And because I feel it's appropriate and I love showing them off- here's **OUR** children... they're all young just like yours. 8, 7, 4 and 3 and my 7 y/o has Autism so we wanted to keep it simple and fun.

Married: 2+ years ago
Jan 03, 2011 at 1:13 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
awwwww thats adorable! How old are they!? My kids would really appreciate the whole "boogey-man" thing, only mine say "Pirates." Don't even ask where they get it cuz i'm not even sure, but everynight as part of their bedtime routine, my fiance takes them downstairs to make sure there are no pirates down there. If they don't do it, my little ones flip out! lol

Married: 2+ years ago
Jan 03, 2011 at 1:16 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
OMG! They are so cute!!!!! That picture is precious! good luck! These are my little ones!

Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 5
Jan 03, 2011 at 1:16 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
That's too cute!

Married: 2+ years ago
Jan 03, 2011 at 1:18 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thank you!

Future Mrs. Coleman
Married: 04/28/2012
Jan 03, 2011 at 10:51 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Aw I love the pirate thing! That's adorable. My FSD makes her daddy check the bed for "buggies" before bed, and won't go to sleep until he does. She always says "Daddy keeps me safe, noooo more buggies in my big girl bed"

Figured i'd join the trend and share a picture of mine too :)

Married: 2+ years ago
Jan 03, 2011 at 11:29 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Omg! She is so cute!! And "buggies" is adorable- I have no idea where my kids got pirates- leave it to them to be different!
Jan 03, 2011 at 12:27 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
We offer this verbage with the vows:

________, I promise to be a good and faithful husband/wife to you,
and also a patient, loving
step father/mother to (children's names__________),
caring for them and providing for them.
I promise to be their strength
and their emotional support,
loving all of you with all my heart.

Married: 09/10/2011
Reviews: 3
Jan 03, 2011 at 12:33 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
@Amy.. I love it. Sweet and simple with MUCH meaning. Thanks for sharing!
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