Style & Decor

The Bachelor Party- strippers allowed?

So finally the topic of Bachelor party has come into existence. I think it would be nice for my fiance and his friends to go on a camping trip or out to a bar together. When I mentioned the "no strippers" line, my fiance became really defensive. He said he wants to go to a strip club at least once in his life.... but I am really not okay with that idea and I feel disrespected by it. I couldn't imagine my fiance getting a lap dance from some... woman... It just breaks my heart. Anyway, what should I do? He thinks I am trying to control him, but honestly, I just don't think it is necessary to see other women naked the night before our wedding. What do you think? Did your husband have a stripper?

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 8:17 AM

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Stephanie M.

Wedding: 06/21/2010

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Aussie Bride

Wedding: 02/07/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 8:33 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
My FH and I sat and discussed it. My point was very simple I didnt want him to go to a strip club as I felt it was disrespectful to me and a waste of money and that I knew he wouldnt be comfortable if it was the other way around and I went to one. He completely agreed said he had no intention of going to one (we only talked about cause the best man wanted him to go) and couldnt bare the thought of me going to one. We are both doing something different. He is going out going to paintball during the day then a big steak dinner at night. Ill be having some silly games at the hotel and then going out to a jazz club that night.

Jamie J.

Wedding: 05/01/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 8:37 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I don't see what the problem is. It's not like your FH is going to leave you on the night before your wedding for the stripper who gave him a lap dance. Lots of guys enjoy going to strip clubs but it doesn't mean they love you any less. You can't even touch the girls when they are dancing so there are no lines being crossed. I don't think its worth the fight. Have confidence in yourself. He loves you very much or else he wouldn't be marrying you. A little trip to the strip club isn't going to hurt anything.

noel

Wedding: 05/08/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 8:45 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
'What's the point of stripclubs? What's the point in seeing naked women, when you won't get laid anyway?' My FH's words, not mine...

Stephanie M.

Wedding: 06/21/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 8:49 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Jamie, it's funny that you say that because my best friends husband cheated on her the night before the wedding with a stripper. My fiance would never do something like that, but I think that using the bachelor party to oogle breasts one more time is ridiculous. There are lots of men who go to Bachelor parties to bond and hangout with their male friends. I'm sorry, but when he asked me to marry him he should have been saying "I want to be with you, only, forever" not "I want a lap dance from a stripper."

Not-A-Bridezilla

Wedding: 05/15/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 8:55 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
First of all, I would HIGHLY recommend that if at all possible you talk to him about having it earlier than the night before the wedding! I would like my FH to have his about two weeks before.... this gives time for getting over hangovers and any bitterness about strippers! I'm not gonna lie I'm not really happy about him going to a strip club but he really wants to-- probably because for him it wouldn't be a bachelor party if it didn't have strippers. Ask yourself one simple question: do you trust him? Yeah none of us like the idea of someone rubbing up on our men but like a PP said, the men aren't allowed to reciporicate anything. Plus-- what state are you in? I know that in MD the girls aren't allowed to be naked but in some southern states there's fully nudity. I would just sit down and have a talk with him about how it makes you feel-- but I wouldn't give him "rules". When you do that guys are more likely to get upset with you and break them. Good luck-- he chose to MARRY YOU!

Jamie H.

Wedding: 02/27/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 9:35 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Let him have his Fling before the ring? Thats how the ladies word it! Just trust your man & don't think about what he's doing. My FH don't like strip clubs, but his best man his brother does. So guess what? He's going & he's going to have a blast while I sit at home. Our parties are different days. When he gets home Ima show him why he's marrying me.(taste fully) Lol. It's one night of fun before he spends the rest of his life with you.

weliz

Married: 10/03/2009
Reviews: 7

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 9:57 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Definitely talk to him about how you feel about it, like Aussiebride did. If you really do trust him, then perhaps the issue is about your feelings, not his possible actions. Definitely don't give him an ultimatum! That is not the way to start off a marriage. Would you want him telling you what you should or shouldn't do at your bachelorette party? Probably not. But if he told you something bothered him and why, you would listen, right? Give him the same consideration. And don't worry, if he does go to a strip club, he may just find out that it's not all it's cracked up to be! As for the party itself -- Not-A-Bridezilla said it perfectly! Consider having the bachelor party (and the bachelorette, if you're having one) a week or two before the wedding. Trust me, you'll be SO busy that last week and that last night, you will appreciate having a more relaxed time of it. Tell him you'd like to savor your last single night together, like a date.

wonderful moment

Wedding: 03/27/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 9:59 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Let him have fun. My FH can have it if he wants, but he do no his limitation. He said that he is really not into all of that and it is mainly for his groomens since they are single. And of course I will have some at mine. So as long as everyone have fun and do not cheap, sleep, etc with someone else I am fine by it. This is the reason why his parents did not get marry and he do not want that to happen to us. So I say let him, because he is marrying you and not no one else. And if it makes you feel better just tell him I do not mind but there can't be ................... during the night.

wonderful moment

Wedding: 03/27/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 10:00 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Plus you may can not stop him for having it because the groomens is throughing it for him, not the other way around.

jkhines1979

Wedding: 12/05/2009

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 10:02 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
It's all about TRUST. Let him do it...he might not even want a stripper dancing on him. My FI might be going to Baltimore Street with his fellas but I know that he knows he has the good stuff at home....so I'm gonna let him do it. Just get together with your girlfriends that night so that you aren't thinking about it. But I realize it's hard...better said then done!

Jessica B.

Married: 09/05/2009
Reviews: 6

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 10:13 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Honestly, strip clubs aren't that bad. Yeah, you have that one person you know who's husband cheated with a stripper, but guess what? If they cheated with a stripper, they were going to cheat at some point in the marriage, and being at a strip club was not going to change that. Like pp said...you can't touch the strippers. They are so heavily guarded that one touch gets you thrown out on your butt very quickly! And since he's never been, he's only going to get more and more curious. I say let him get it out of his system now. A bit of advice should he go though...DO NOT do it the night before the wedding! I have seen some strip clubs where they find out there is a bachelor in the crowd and the girls get him up on stage and beat him with belts and stuff...you don't want to see those on your wedding night. Better yet, make a compromise...he can go, as long as he does not have that done to him!

Future Mrs.Schmidt

Wedding: 08/07/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 10:15 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
My FH didn't really understand my thoughts towards strippers, which I don't care if he goes and see's and what, as we have gone together as a couple and he has gone with friends. The only thing I told him I didn't like was lap dances. Because the only naked woman body that should be touching him, is mine. I'm fine with him going and watching them do their little dance and what not. I just told him that if he thinks he should get lap dances, then I should be able to give lap dances to any hot guy in the bar that would want one, because it is the same thing. (He didn't like that idea.. LOL) I would just explain to him why it makes you uncomfortable, like, you feel that his buddies will pressure him into doing stupid things, or he'll feel the need to do absolutley anything because it's his last night of 'freedom' which doesn't make sense because some guys don't ever step foot in a strip club until their bach. party. Why start now?

Lucky_Girl23

Wedding: 02/13/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 10:28 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I told my FH that I didn't want him going to one because I don't want him to have any other girl rubbing up on him. Then I asked him how he'd feel if I went to one and he completely understood. He told me that they'll probably end up going to play paintball.

Jessica P.

Wedding: 06/12/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 10:33 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
He should respect your feelings, period. I agree with you completely - it's not worth the fight for one evening of naked women. My fiance doesn't want me going to a club and rubbing myself on other guys and I don't want him getting a lap dance by a naked girl that he's not about to marry. End of story.

southerngirl

Wedding: 12/28/2009

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 11:31 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I think you should sit down in a neutral place and have a good conversation about it. Explain why you are uncomfortable with it and make sure you both understand where you're coming from. Think about the big picture and see if you can come to an agreement together. I agree that when the roles are reversed many guys aren't so keen about their ladies going out to strip clubs or giving lap dances or doing pole dances with other men. Mostly it should be about respecting each other.

erikatarrance

Wedding: 07/23/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 11:53 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
He can see stripers because I plan to have one at my party....its all entertainmeent. If he wanted a stripper or any other woman I wouldnt be wearing his ring or getting his last name. Thats how I look at it. There is no way to control a mans actions and if he wants to do something he would do it just trust that he loves and respects you enough no too.

tara98gold

Wedding: 06/26/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 12:56 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Based on both of our faith we are not at all doing anything of the sort. We are planning on having our parties like a month in advance. We are planning basically a half a day for ours. We are going to go to lasertron and have it be the bridesmaides against groomsmen and then we are going off our seperate ways. He is having a barbeque with his guys and we are going to do something haven't decided yet. Neither of us believe in doing anything of the sort as far as strippers go. His Best man was talking about it but my FH is not for it. I think you need to talk to your FH and let him know how you feel about it.

RavenK

Wedding: 09/04/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 1:13 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I also don't really understand the problem. We &/or He & friends go to the strip club more than we go to the regular bar, it's Entertainment, mine doesn't do lapdances or go up to the stage, just drinks and watches from the table. Having said that I agree with others that it's a trust issue, either you trust your guy or you don't, the stripper has nothing to do with it, he could just as easily get hit on by some drunken girl at a regular bar. I've actually seen girls behave much worse there than a strip club. I definately would talk him out of the night before the wedding tho. Hangovers suck. Mine tells me all the time that he never thinks about crossing any lines b/c I show that I trust him. Why would he mess up the good thing he's got at home over something stupid like a lapdance?

MRW82584

Wedding: 07/30/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 1:42 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I'm kind of with I don't really care if he goes to a strip club or even has a house party with a Stripper, I have a friend that used to dance and I have nothing aginst them or their line of work. I know he doesn't really want a stripper but if they have one I honestly will not care because I trust him 150%. However if you really feel strongly about this sit down and let him know how you feel about it. Don't fight or yell or threaten just calmly talk about it.

Aussie Bride

Wedding: 02/07/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 2:06 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I think you do need to talk to him though. For me it was never an issue of trust I have no doubt my FH would never cheat on me I know I mean the world to him but im not comfortable with strippers. I just dont think I want any girl rubbing themselves over him. He doesnt want any guy being all over me either. His best man was trying to pressure him to going to a strip club because he couldnt for his wedding. My FH wanted a guys day with friends going out hunting or camping or something but has decided on paintball. Sometimes its the groomsmen that want that and I think the bachelor party should be what the groom wants. If FH had truly wanted to go I wouldnt of stopped him or let it effect us but he knew how I felt and said he felt the same about the idea of me having a stripper. We made the decision together to not have strippers at either party and we've never regretted it. Strippers havent even been brought up again.

Dan's Future Wife

Wedding: 08/28/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 2:18 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I think you should let him know how it makes you feel.... IT SHOUKDNT BE DONE!!! instead offer that you'll do a lap dance yourself the night of your wedding. Why does he need to go off and see other women?! Its true how he is gonna marry you and its THE EXACT REASON WHY HE SHOULDNT DO IT. This is an insane thought! I dont even know who invented this. I mean if his groomsmen want to go off and see other women its fine they should do it on their own budget and on their own time. But a bachelor party should be to congratulate the groom for his happines. And he is already happy enough with having you and being with you. If he wants to do it now and with all these reasons he's gonna do it then what gives you the hope that he wont do it AFTER the wedding? Trust is not an issue! its about RESPECT and what is dealing with your heart... which is the most important thing.

Stephanie M.

Wedding: 06/21/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 2:46 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Thanks for everyone's responses! They have really helped me organize my thoughts. My FH still does not understand where I am coming from, although I explained "It isn't that I am afraid you would run off with a stripper, it's that I feel uneasy and disrespected knowing a girl other than me is rubbing her naked body against you." He actually told me that he doesn't know why he is marrying a stupid Georgia girl when he could have a Brazilian hottie. "There are a million girls hotter than you," he said. I know it's true, but it definitely doesn't make me feel any better. We've been engaged for 2 years! Shouldn't he have addressed this by now?

RavenK

Wedding: 09/04/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 2:52 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
umm, ouch. Sounds like maybe there is a different discussion needed than one about strippers. Just my opinion, no offense meant. If it bothers you this bad then he should respect that and you guys should be able to come up with a different option, together. Respecting each other and your feelings/opinions should be your top priority.

Laura K.

Married: 05/15/2009
Reviews: 7

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 3:00 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I agree with Raven....the issue here is not whether strippers are ok at bachelor parties...the bottom line is that it upsets you, so even he doesn't agree with your reasoning he should respect your feelings and not want to hurt you for something as frivolous as strippers

CelticChick831

Married: 10/17/2009
Reviews: 7

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 3:02 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
for me strippers were never and issue. I personally dont like them and can see why a lot of women are against them, but I have seen with a lot of my guys friends (who think of me more as one of the guys) that if a woman tells them they dont want them to do something they want to do it more. A strip club is almost like a right of passage for some of them and they dont want to miss out on it. Honestly, I like to dance and I go to clubs and if a guy wants to dance, we dance. My now husband doesnt care. Because I always come home to him and he knows I wont do anything with that guy. Same goes for him and strippers. If he wants to go and look, so be it. The female form is a beautiful thing and I can understand why he wants to look. Lap dances are just a added "bonus" for the guys (not that I like it) The plus side to strip clubs (if you know there is no temptation of cheating) is you get to have all the fun when he gets home. LOL

CelticChick831

Married: 10/17/2009
Reviews: 7

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 3:05 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
as to him commenting on the way you look, dont take it to heart. He is most likely upset about the "restrictions" and is trying to make you feel better by saying "even though there are prettier girls out there, I still want to be with you and looking at one of them is not going to change my mind about that". but anger gets mixed in and everything just sounds like and insult. Again, i have been around a lot of guy friends for years and have had to help them understand how what they meant and what they said were two totally different things.

Stephanie M.

Wedding: 06/21/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 3:10 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
CelticChick- You are so guy-smart.. your explanation for why he commented on my looks is exactly what he would typically say. Well, what he hopefully will say. Also, my FH is exactly how you explained guys in your first post. He never wanted to go to strip clubs, but I mentioned my aversion to them and suddenly he is willing to throw away our entire lives together because he feels I am trying to control him. I am just so dumbfounded by his (over)reaction that I don't know what to do. How do you convince someone you aren't trying to control them?

Aussie Bride

Wedding: 02/07/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 3:16 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I can imagine what he said would be hurtful. Maybe wait for him to calm down and try speaking to him again later. Its very important to resolve things like this. I personally believe its important for us to not be made to feel uncomfortable for fear the guy may run off because of we say we dont like something. I would happily dance with other guys and not think anything of it but I know my FH doesnt like the idea of me dancing with men he doesnt know so I wouldnt but thats because I respect his thoughts and feelings. I have a lot of male friends and I make sure my FH is comfortable with them and would never do anything to make him uncomfortable. Its the same for me when it comes to strippers and things. He respects that I dont like the idea of it and because of that he doesnt do it. Its not something he feels he needs to do and its not worth making me uncomfortable over. Its important that you both respect what the other is comfortable with.

Aussie Bride

Wedding: 02/07/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 3:18 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Also lets face it if our men love us and want to be with us they arent going to leave us or run off and do things behind our backs just because we arent comfortable with it and if they are like that they arent the right person. I think when we truly love a person we are respectful of their thoughts and feelings. I dont think its fair to say if you dont let them do everything they want they will leave. Marriage is about communication and at times compromise. Maybe one day you'll feel okay about him going to a strip club as long as their are no lap dances involved.

CelticChick831

Married: 10/17/2009
Reviews: 7

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 3:21 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Its a hard one and truly up to you, but with my husband, I had to calm down and unfortunatly be the firs to say I was sorry. In this case sorry for sounding controling, then continue with the reason YOU dont like strippers and how they make YOU feel and how it would make YOU feel if he went. At that point you have to decide if you are willing to let him go without being upset if its something he truly wants to do. As long as he knows how you feel, he can make a choice. He might go because he wants to, he might go because he know now that you dont want him to, or he might act mad for a while, say hes going and they say the guys changed their plans and not go at all. You never now. But if he continues to feel like he is being controled, he will do it anyway and just hide it from you. Be as calm and as open as possible and be willing to except his decisions or a compremise. Maybe you can go with him (wink wink. LOL)

Shell

Married: 06/27/2009

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 3:23 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
im sorry but Jamie J. you said that going to a strip club doesnt mean they love you less. is that not disrespectful? to go out and commit adultry? "if even a man lusts after a woman with his eyes he has commited adultry in his heart" im sure i am a small voice in a small crowd going against the majority but i strongly believe that this is not showing love.

Not-A-Bridezilla

Wedding: 05/15/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 3:30 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Well by that logic Shell if a guy looks at porn he's cheating on you. Granted, having gone to catholic high school I have learned by this point NEVER to take anything said in the Bible at face value. I think that even though I don't look at it, porn is alot like a strip club. If you view it every once and awhile its OK but if it gts to the point where you're doing it all the time and hiding it from each other then THATS a problem. He's being straightforward about the fact that he's going so that's good. Like I said before, it's not that I LIKE the fact that FH is going to a strip club. However, I know its something that he's looking forward to (possibly because his friends are making him feel like thats what he SHOULD be doing) and I don't want to take that away from him. I know he wouldn't do anything with a stripper-- I plan on giving him the "dont do anything you wouldn't want me to do" and send him out the door.

Shell

Married: 06/27/2009

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 3:31 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
and can i say one more thing... whenever i was dating in the past, i always thought, if we were to get married, what would HIS bachlor party look like?? i often knew right then and there that this person would not be "the one" that they would not respect me as i wished they would, and that they did not have the same morals or values as i did. when it came down to it, this would not be the one i would marry. and i am so thankful that i judged past realtionships like this.

Stephanie M.

Wedding: 06/21/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 3:32 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Shell, I believed that for a long time to. If a man truly loved me, then I would be enough for him. I would be the most beautiful and amazing person he knew. This just isn't the case here, and in some ways (such as his porn usage), I've accepted that he is a man with manly desires, even though I always thought my FH wouldn't be that way. He refers to me as a "sexual prude" because of my aversion to strippers and porn. Really though, it was just the way I was raised. It was the kind of love my mother wanted, and it's the kind I wish I could have. Being with my FH has made me lower (to perhaps a more realistic level?) my expectations. Still, I wish I was all he needed. I wish my body was enough.

Aussie Bride

Wedding: 02/07/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 3:35 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
@ Shell, I wont pretend that I am religious because I am not but I do think that it is wrong to just be told if you say you dont want him to do it he'll do it anyway. I know my FH and I know that because he loves me as much as he does that we respect one anothers opinions and feelings. Saying that if we dont let them do everything they want to do that they'll sneak off is a load of BS. Im sorry but I have a lot of male friends and when they fall in love they respect their partners opinions and feelings. Also I think it is important to have enough self respect to stand up for the way you feel and not just let the man do whatever he wants or feel he'll do it anyway. My FH has told me things he does not feel comfortable with and I respect that. I dont think we should be telling others that our feelings need to be ignored or men will do it anyway.

DawnDawn

Wedding: 03/14/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 3:37 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I told FH if he wanted to go to a strip club, fine. But no lap dances or touching of any kind. I personally find it disrespectful and why pay to see boobs when you can stay home and play with them for free. He said he wasn't interested so that sounds great to me. If he does decide to go I will send my brother along to make sure his friends don't get out of hand. I trust my FH completely but I will not tolerate some nasty stripper crawling all over him because one one of his friends thinks it will be entertaining. What your FH said was very mean and he is being inconsiderate of your feelings. How would he feel if some hot hunky guy was grinding all over you? You could be with someone like that if that is what you wanted. I think he needs to take a good look at what is important in life, JMO.

Shell

Married: 06/27/2009

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 3:39 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
NAB- yes i do look at porn that way, the same way i view going to a strip club. skmason i hate to ask this, but are you setteling with your FH? you should NEVER lower your standars. if i had who knows where id be today. 4 months ago today i married a man who i though i would never find. i had struggled with the fact, or so i thought, that i would have to lower my standards or never marry. but i was blessed with a man that is far above my high standards. he has never gone to a strip club and never well, he veiws women and mothers and sisters and respects everyone. i love him more everyday for who he is. and there are more out there like him. your high standards are realistic.

Aussie Bride

Wedding: 02/07/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 3:41 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Skmason, im sorry to say this but you should not feel that you are not enough. I am in no way a prude, I dress up for FH and all those fun things we do together. I have watched porn with him occasionally and we get a good giggle out of how ridiculous some of it is but having a naked woman rub up on him i draw the line at. My FH tells me all the time that im the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. He says he'd rather see me naked and dancing for him than some girl he has to pay who means nothing to him. Maybe im just lucky in that way as I know not all women get someone like that however you should always feel that your partner finds you beautiful. There is compromise in marriage so maybe try to accept the porn to some extent unless he is looking at it constantly. But dont feel like you need to just go along with everything he wants or you will feel like you deserve better than that

Shell

Married: 06/27/2009

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 3:52 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
also may i add, he may be a man with maly desires but thats not what i call it. i call it a lack of self control. we are to rise above our animal instincts to have self control. i think this article gets my point across better then i can http://www.drlaurablog.com/2009/03/25/the-pope-the-rabbi-and-condoms/

Shell

Married: 06/27/2009

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 3:53 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
sorry i have alot of typos... "views women AS monthers AND AS sisters" "with MANLY desires"

RavenK

Wedding: 09/04/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 3:54 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I'm gonna repeat my former comment here, it sounds like a different conversation needs to be had. You shouldn't think your not enough for your FH, You shouldn't be "lowering" your expectations. JMHO, please don't be offended I mean no rudeness or disrespect but that kinda raises my red flag. I'll repeat, respecting you and your feelings Should be His first priority. I wish you the best and only happines in your life.

Not-A-Bridezilla

Wedding: 05/15/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 3:55 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Wow... I think some people are getting slightly out of hand here. Just because some guy goes to a strip club or views porn DOESN'T mean that he doesn't respect women or he is any less of a man. Sorry to all the deeply religious people out there but humans are animals-- which means we are naturally sexual beings. "God" created us that way so to deprive yourself of that would be unnatural. This in no way means that a man should cheat on his wife or anything like that but implying that your man is on the highest pedastool simply because he hasn't gone to a strip club is ignorant. I think its all about what you DO rather than what you DONT do-- my FH does alot of great things but he has gone to strip clubs (not since we met though). Anyways I digress... just had to get my point across.

Shell

Married: 06/27/2009

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 3:59 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
im sorry you think i am ignorant, and im sorry you can see my side of it. im also sorry you cant see that we are better then animals and have been given self control.

Aussie Bride

Wedding: 02/07/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 4:01 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I dont think anyone here is saying that going to a strip club means a man doesnt respect women. I am not religious AT ALL I have been to strip clubs with my guy friends however saying a man will do it anyway is a load of bull. If your partner loves and respects your opinion he wont do it. My FH has been to strip clubs before but just isnt into them. Paying someone to dance for you is not anywhere near as sexy as someone doing it for you because they love you. However you should never feel that you are not enough for a man and he should never be insulting you or making you feel that way simply because you are uncomfortable with somethings. As Raven said respecting you and your feelings should be the first priority.

Shell

Married: 06/27/2009

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 4:01 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
cant* please forgive the typos. all i ment to imply was that we shouldnt lower our standards, like what raven said, "I'll repeat, respecting you and your feelings Should be His first priority."

Not-A-Bridezilla

Wedding: 05/15/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 4:03 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I can see your side of it I just think that it's rude to think that someone is better than everyone else simply because they don't go to a strip club. That's how your last post came off. There are plenty of priests that have molested little children--- are they better than someone who has gone to a strip club? I don't disagree with self-control.... or else I would think that it would be OK to cheat on a spouse. However if you're just there because its your bachelor party and its not something you do on a regular basis I don't see a problem with it. I dunno I guess with the whole Catholic school upbringing I got a little tired of people thinking that because they held different moral values than other people meant that they were better than everyone else

Not-A-Bridezilla

Wedding: 05/15/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 4:05 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Couldn't agree with Aussie more--- if I was REALLY upset about the stripper thing I would expect that FH wouldn't go there. I'm not thrilled by the idea but it doesn't really bother me much so if he wants to go I say do it, but be good! :-D

OneLove

Married: 11/28/2009

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 4:06 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
skmason - I hope I don;t come across the wrong way but I fell like I need to be pretty frank right now. Don't let him talk to you like that! Ever! You are worth much more than that and should not take that from anyone. I was in a similar relationship. He was very mean spirited and would say the same thing to me that I was a "prude" among other things as well. Always degrading me any chance he got, although he always said he did not mean it, it was still very hurtful and really pulled me down. I ended up feeling worthless and that I was nothing without him. He did say that to me too. After 10 years of constant abuse, I finally got out. It took me getting very sick and being in intensive care unit for a few days to realize what I wanted for my life. Hun, strippers are not what you should worry about right now.

Dan's Future Wife

Wedding: 08/28/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 4:12 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Its true that a man can have his instinct of reacting to the situation of you letting your FH know you dont want him to go to a strip club. But that doesnt give him any right to tell you the words he did. He is not dealing with his mom to give his childish REACTIONS he is becoming your husband which he should learn to communicate. You are doing your part and you should feel proud of it. I do believe this is more than a thought of strippers restriction. This is your future, your feelings, the respect, and the things love can manage. You give respect to the one you love NO MATTER WHAT! You are beautiful girl and you sure dont deserve receving the words you received. Think TWICE about sharing your life with someone like that. I'm sure it won't happen just once. I'm with Shell and the others about lust, porn, Strippers True it is shared in the bible and those of us whom are religious obey. But this is more than just being in the bible and being Religious. This is about morals and values

Stephanie M.

Wedding: 06/21/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 4:16 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
OneLove, your post is very revealing. My FH can be so hateful, but he always says he doesn't mean it too. He says that I make him so angry, he can only see red and can't even comprehend what he's doing, which scares me. He says I should feel lucky that he choose me. He has been through a lot, so I want to be understanding. I have suggested counseling but he refuses. He is everything I want in a FH, except for his tantrums. When dealing with someone you love, it is just really difficult to determine when the relationship is worth fighting for and when it has become hopeless.

Not-A-Bridezilla

Wedding: 05/15/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 4:17 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Oh gosh here we go... this is why morals shouldn't be debated on a public forum. You can be religious and go to a strip club. You can have good morals and go to a strip club. OMG you can even BE A GOOD PERSON.... and go to a strip club. I'm just going to stop here before I say something rude to someone lol

Shell

Married: 06/27/2009

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 4:18 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
nab- im sorry that post came off that way, i didnt mean that hes better then you and i, but i did mean to say that he was better then any of my ex's which is why i married him and not them. i would not have married someone that lived a life i didnt agree with, thats all i ment by that, and that we should not lower our standards, as i almost with in my past. im sorry to have offended you or come off as rude. i hope this can still be a place where we can share our honest opinions and views and although we wont always agree with each other, we can still respect each other.

Stephanie M.

Wedding: 06/21/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 4:19 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
From what I have gathered... Good guys have been spotted at strip clubs. The bad guy is the one who disregards his wife's feelings and goes behind her back or in spite of her.

Trina

Wedding: 09/10/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 4:20 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
My FH tells me that I confuse him b/c I used go to strip clubs w/him but I told him that he can't have a stripper at the bachleor party. I told him that it was something that we did when we were younger. I also told him that was before we even thought of marrying each other. Whatever those girls do I feel like I can do it for him for FREE. It is a waste of money that we don't have. I honestly think that it is disrespectful and if my FH were to feel like it's so important to have a stripper then that would mean that I am not the one for him. But it really hasn't been an issue. And he knows once I say no it no and don't ask

Aussie Bride

Wedding: 02/07/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 4:22 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Skmason, i went through two abusive relationships one was very emotionally abusive and he would say similar things that i just made him so angry and that he was sorry and he loved me he would also say no other man would love me and things. The things he is doing and saying are a big red flag. If he truly loves you counseling would be a good idea. Im sorry to say but I personally think his trantrums need to be resolved and he needs to find a different way to deal with his anger before you get married. My ex used to tell me I was the one and he wanted to marry me and everything. After 3 years and escalating abusive I finally left for good. He too had been through a lot and I felt like if I held on we would be okay. Marriage is about communication and compromise you should never be scared of your FH. I think you really need to think about things before committing to a life together.

Iris M.

Wedding: 03/19/2011

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 4:25 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Fist off, glad you have enough communication in your relationship to speak upon the topic. Second, his best man is going to plan the party not your fH. 3rd, he respect you enough to talk about it. Strip clubs are so over rated. I plan on having a stripper at my party "What is good for the goose is good for the gander". Enjoy your party it will be all worth it at the end. Relax, it's not the end of the world. And if anything at a strip club he will be in his right mind if any of the strip clubs in your area are like San Diego's. If they are all nude no alcohol served. Half nude alcohol served.

analy m.

Married: 10/03/2009
Reviews: 5

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 4:25 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Wow sk, I really think that you should be evaluating a lot more than just a strip club issue here. This sounds like someone who has no respect for you! Even if he says that he does not "mean" the things that he says, the damage is alredy done, and bottom line is THAT IS ABUSE!! Do you really want to deal with that all your life? You certainly don't deserve to. If you are questioning whether the relationship has "become hopeless" I really don't think wedding plans should be the focus, but rather whether you want to share your LIFE with this person. Sorry if I sound preachy, and its JMO, but girl I have soooo been there. Just don't settle. Prince charming DOES exist! :)

Dan's Future Wife

Wedding: 08/28/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 4:26 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
It could be true that the man who let's his wife know where he is going is ok. but what if she disagrees with what he is doing with good reasons? So in this case, your FH is a bad man? (to what you just mentioned skmason) Then.... what is this gonna do to your plans?

RavenK

Wedding: 09/04/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 4:30 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
exactly skmanson. Like I said earlier the stripper thing is actually irrelevant. It's the responses and apparent lack of respect for your feelings that should be your concern. Think long and hard about what's important to you in a relationship and DO NOT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS. You deserve your perfect match just like everyone else in the world. NAB & Shell, I think you guys both have valid points and opinions, however I don't think it's about being good vs bad b/c of what you enjoy/allow in your life. I think the point is to find someone that shares YOUR specific views & values, regardless if anyone outside your relationship agrees with them.

analy m.

Married: 10/03/2009
Reviews: 5

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 4:31 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
WELL SAID RAVEN!!!

Not-A-Bridezilla

Wedding: 05/15/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 4:33 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Skmason-- I think you hit the nail on the head Shell-- I completely get what you are saying and respect your opinon (I think I read it wrong the first time)... I think I personally, among other people that I know, get a little heated when people bring the Bible into things. I respect everyone's choice to hold their own values regarding religion, but I don't really like it when people bring it into an argument because in my opinion the bible was written thousands of years ago and doesn't really stand anymore (eg-- should we stone someone who cheats on her husband, no not really because then you will be killing someone, which is against the Commandments)....etc. I understand that some nice stories that are meant to teach a lesson come from the Bible. I just don't think that a solid argument can be made from it

OneLove

Married: 11/28/2009

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 4:33 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
He may be refusing to go to couseling because he may be afraid of his own insecurites. Looking back I understand that now with my ex. It still doesn't mean he can be hurtful in any way. Just know you are a beautiful woman and I truley wish you the best and HE should feel blessed that he has you in his life.

Jessica B.

Married: 09/05/2009
Reviews: 6

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 4:40 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
@skmason....I know this will sound repetitive, but I too have been there. He is taking any anger or issues he has and is blaming you for them (that YOU make him so angry, not looking at the fact that HE is the one who can't control it). He should be telling you how lucky HE is to have YOU, not the other way around. You sound exactly like me about 5 years ago. I thought that what I wanted only existed in the movies, and that I would have to lower my standards and expectations to find what I wanted. Then, I found my husband. THEY DO EXIST! If you have to question your relationship, then something is wrong. I do not in any way want to tell you how to live your life or your relationship, but for your sake (and the sake of any future children you may have), take a step back from the wedding planning and REALLY look at this man. Is he someone you want passing down values and morals to your children? Will he stand by you in 30 years when you are wrinkled?

Stephanie M.

Wedding: 06/21/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 4:51 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Thanks for everyone's advice. DFW, that is the big question. I suppose all I can do is try to talk to him and convince him to seek counseling for his anger issues. I just have to prepare myself for the worst- If he doesn't apologize and agree to at least talk to me about the issue without insulting me... I don't know what else to do except leave (we live together, which makes this situation even more difficult). I don't have any close family or friends to stay with in the area... that is one of the million reasons I have been trying to avoid leaving. I just don't have anywhere to go. Also, I have one more question for everyone... What is it like when your FH is angry? I have been with my FH for so long I have began to assume his occasional (certainly not daily) tantrums (telling me he hates me, calling me dense or stupid) is just something ppl do when they are angry. I have to be wrong, right? Is it normal for your FH to get so angry? and Raven, you're completely right

Aussie Bride

Wedding: 02/07/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 4:57 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Skmason no that is not normally. When FH gets angry with me or frustrated he walks away for five mintues comes back in and talks to me. Usually within about 10minutes we have resolved things or are both calm and talking about what we are trying to say. He has never yelled at me raised a hand to me or insulted me. We both agree to try and stay as calm as possible (im the more feisty one lol) We never go to bed angry and I think the longest argument we have ever had is about an hour before we both had calmed down and sorted it. Do not be afraid to leave for fear of no where else to go. If you dont leave and you stay together and get married are you truly going to be happy?

analy m.

Married: 10/03/2009
Reviews: 5

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 5:00 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Sk I totally understand. That makes it very scary. When I was in that position and decided to leave, I used a site called www.roomates.com. I would highly recommend it!

OneLove

Married: 11/28/2009

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 5:04 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
My FH doesn't get angry. He may get frustrated but is able to talk things out without yelling or name calling. when I left my ex I didn't have anywhere to go, no friends or family so i just rented out a room with a family that lived in the area. Then I met my FH :)

Not-A-Bridezilla

Wedding: 05/15/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 5:06 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I would say that each person/couple is different.... I personally know that both my fiance and I are very verbal and very stubborn. When we fight, we certainly get into it and I will admit that there can be some name calling going on there. However, physical violence is NEVER OK... and if you ever get to the point where you wonder if he REALLY means the name calling and its not just something said in anger than that's not OK either and you should address that. Some people may think that the way we fight isn't OK but honestly for both of us its better to just let it all out so we can move on. So I think only you can know the best "fighting style" for you but if you ever get to the point where you wonder if its all really worth it THEN you need to so some serious thinking about your relationship

Shell

Married: 06/27/2009

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 5:08 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
when my husband is upset with me, he calmy tells me and we talk about it. we have never yelled at each other or called each other names. in fact, we dont even say "shut up" even jokingly or in common conversation ex: "shut up!? no way??" because he sees shut up as disrespectful. we dont fight, but when either one does something the other one didnt agree with, we sit down and talk about it. i NEVER thought i would have such a blessed marriage and such an amazing husband.

Shell

Married: 06/27/2009

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 5:10 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
and i'll also add that i am super stubborn and am not usually the first one to admit fault, however he brings me to a point of resposibility and i am now more and more able to say that i was wrong.

Stephanie M.

Wedding: 06/21/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 5:12 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Shell, your marriage is inspirational. Thanks for letting me know it's possible!

kathy

Wedding: 03/06/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 5:16 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
skmason- IMO you need to leave this relationship ASAP! You are in an emotionally abusive relationship. If you look up the signs of an abusive relationship online, I bet you will find most, if not all, apply to you. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I've seen this far to many times. There are services out there to help women in your situation. IDK if the house/apt is in your name, but it doesn't matter. If he's acting in a threatening manner towards you, and you are scared, then call the police and have him removed from the house. If need be, get a restraining order. The fact that he tells you that you're stupid and dense, and that he hates you is a serious red flag! There is NO EXCUSE for someone who is supposed to love you to say those things to you, especially more than once. Do you have a friend at work? Do you have family? Even if they live out of state, go to them and let them know you need a place to stay for a while. If you are questioning you relationship, it's your cont.

RavenK

Wedding: 09/04/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 5:19 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I know for me, it's all about the tone used when the argument is going on. If either of us gets a nasty/hateful tone we stop and check ourselves and try to calm down & continue to discuss the issue. I say this b/c he calls me a dork all the time and I call him an A$$, but it's kind of a playful pet name kind of thing. (we're weird I know) Now I had an ex that was very hateful (tone-wise) whenever we would fight and things got VERY heated (slamming doors, throwing things, cussing and name calling) then once we both calmed down we would talk about it and everything would go back to normal. This went on for 4yrs, me just accepting that as our "fighting style" Then we had an arguement that ended with my nose broken, eye blacked and all 4 tires on my car sliced. End of relationship. I was totally blindsided--as bad as things sometimes were between us I NEVER thought he'd hit me (especially with him knowing my history of prior abuse) Come to find out he had hit EVERY one of exs,

kathy

Wedding: 03/06/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 5:20 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
cont. consciousness telling you to leave! Abusers always blame their "victim" for making them angry, or making them say bad things, and they always apologize, but they continue the same behavior. I am very sorry if I've scared you, but I am concerned for you! Please seriously consider what I said! Good luck!!

RavenK

Wedding: 09/04/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 5:24 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
no one every mentioned this to me and outright lied when I had asked about his prior realtionships. I tell you this b/c I know what it's like to convince yourself that it'll be okay and it's not as bad as it could be and to settle b/c you just overlook the bad and focus on the good parts. I thin kyou need to really talk things thru with him an think about if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life. Love is not meant to be that hard, it shouldn't need to be "fixed" you should be able to argue with out being scared. I think counseling is a very good idea and if he won't hear of it then you should worry about taking care of you.

sweet_firefly

Married: 11/14/2009
Reviews: 8

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 5:29 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
So, I'm joining the thread kinda late, but just wanted to give my two cents. My fiance and I don't have many disagreements, and we definitely don't raise our voices to each other. We are both kinda stubborn, so when one of us is upset, it makes the other person upset. But we always come to a resolution. He has NEVER told me I was stupid. In my humble opinion, you can't have a relationship without respect. If your fiance doesn't respect you now, he's not gonna change when you are married. Just think long and hard about it. It may be a hard choice to make, but make it for youself. @ RavenK OMG, my fiance and I do THE SAME THING. He calls me a dork and I call him an a$$. LOL, it's always in a joking manner, like you said "playful".

The Potters

Married: 09/12/2009
Reviews: 8

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 5:57 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
SKmason.....there are so many posts on here that I only read about half. But if you have a problem with porn and strip clubs, and your FH does not, then you shouldn't be with him. You obviously have different opinions on life, and getting married won't fix that. I am with you, my husband would be in BIG trouble if I found him looking at porn. All he needs is me. I would never have married him if he was the type of guy that wanted to look at that stuff. He went to Hooters for his party, which was fine with me. Cute girls, but they aren't touching you. Plus, he doesn't want to go to strip clubs. That is completely disrespectful and I would say it is cheating. Especially a lap dance. If it is not ok with you then it should not be ok with him. And he told you there are hotter girls out there????? WHAT??? No no no, that is not ok. There are better looking girls than all of us, but the ones you love think you are the hottest thing ever.

The Potters

Married: 09/12/2009
Reviews: 8

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 5:59 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
It sounds to me like you have doubts. Remember that marriage won't fix anything and it won't change him. If you have issues with his behavior now, then don't get married. It will only get worse. You mentioned not thinking your FH would be like this. Then that is a big red flag. Sorry to be so negative, I have a minor in pscyhology so I know a little bit about some of this stuff. I don't know you but I truly just want you to be happy!!!!!!!

Not-A-Bridezilla

Wedding: 05/15/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 6:05 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
LOL... the "type of guy that wanted to look at that stuff"... and just what kind of a guy is that? As far as I know my FH doesn't look at that stuff but if he did it wouldn't really bother me because I don't feel threatened by a picture. I guess I'm the only one who is bothered by some of the sweeping generalizations made by some people in this forum..... everyone has an opinion about so called "creeps" who go to strip clubs or look at porn on occasion (I will agree however that people that engage in this kind of behavior like its a second job have a problem). Am I seriously the only one who doesn't like the high and mighty attitude? This response isn't aimed at any particular poster but really!

Kristina G.

Wedding: 05/30/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 6:09 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I'm joining late too but when I read this post I couldn't help but say something. When my FH is angry he stays silent for awhile and then we talk about it, it doesn't reach the "angry" level very often though b/c we usually discuss things before it gets there. Don't lower your expectations for this guy, I'm certain you are worth so much more, and it sounds like he does not treat you right. I think if he keeps refusing to go to counseling it shows that he's not willing to put time into your relationship. Your FH is supposed to be your best friend and support system. That's not to say he has to agree with you 100 percent of the time about every issue, but he should stand by you, not insult you. I can understand how it would be hard since you are living together and you don't have anyone close to stay with, it would be scary to leave. Still, imagine your life with him in 5 years, do you really want him bashing you like this?

Laura K.

Married: 05/15/2009
Reviews: 7

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 6:10 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
whoaa Skmason...no that's is not "normal" or even slightly ok for a man to act that way just because he is angry, I don't care HOW angry he is. There is nothing you could do or say to him to make you deserve that. Of course my husband and I fight, it's healthy in a relationship. But I could never imagine him ever calling me those names, just as I would never call him those names. I'm not gonna play Dr.Phil here so I'll stop with just answering your one question: no that is not normal behavior for a man when he is mad at the person he loves

Laura K.

Married: 05/15/2009
Reviews: 7

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 6:12 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
think hard about the comment you made "he is the man I want to marry EXCEPT for these tantrums" you don't get to marry parts of people...it's the WHOLE package and people do not change when you marry them....actually marriage usually magnifies those flaws. Don't marry someone unless you love every single thing about them. I'm not saying my husband is perfect by any means, but I wouldn't change a thing about him.

Aussie Bride

Wedding: 02/07/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 6:13 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
NAB I dont think anyone is trying to be high and mighty just that sometimes things that are written come across differently to how they are intended. Some of us look for certain traits in a partner and if not looking at porn is one of them then I can see why they would say that. However being someone who is not religious has looked at porn been to strip clubs and all of that you arent the only person. I think maybe because religion is sort of involved perhaps you are getting a little more annoyed with it then you normally would. Just my opinion and coming from a non religious person.

Not-A-Bridezilla

Wedding: 05/15/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 6:24 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Yeah I would have to agree with you Aussie Bride-- though I've never been to a strip club! I would have to say that one of the best ways to piss me off is when people use the Bible to try and prove a point. You definitely hit the nail on the head. Laura K-- I think that even though sometimes me and my FH get into some pretty intense fights, through it all we love each other. I think you are definitely right in that there are certain things that just CAN'T be stood for.

The Potters

Married: 09/12/2009
Reviews: 8

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 6:24 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Not a Bridezilla.....I am not stereotyping. That is how I feel in my relationship. There are plenty of good "normal" great people who look at porn. But if your gf/wife/FW is not ok with it, then there is a problem in your relationship.

The Potters

Married: 09/12/2009
Reviews: 8

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 6:28 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
You may love him. Or you may want to rescue him because "he has been through a lot." Or maybe both. But loving someone is not always enough. They have to love you and respect you back. And he is not doing that. There is a lot more than love in a relationship. May I ask how old you are? It sounds like you have low self esteem and therefore see his actions as ok. It really is not ok. And it isn't going to get better. Letting go is one of the hardest things, its awful. But you will be so much better off in the future. That "perfect" guy you invisioned as your FH could be right around the corner. Nobody is perfect, but someone with this many red flags is not who you want to spend your life with.

Not-A-Bridezilla

Wedding: 05/15/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 6:33 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Potters-- I actually wasn't referring to your post but I agree disagree with the statement you made above. I think that as long as people were straightforward about it in what they expect from the relationship in the beginning then there shouldn't be a problem with it. I just think its funny other people seem to think that everyone who looks at porn or goes to a strip club is bad which is definitely NOT what you are saying!

Shell

Married: 06/27/2009

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 6:33 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
thanks Mrs. Potter for getting back to the topic...i hope to heed what has been said here today. you dont have to lower standards, you dont have to be subject to verbal abuse, you do deserve the best and the best is out there. just do not settel.

Not-A-Bridezilla

Wedding: 05/15/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 6:34 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Oops sorry I got the posts mixed up... I just thought the choice of wording was interesting that you don't hold a grudge against anyone who views it but then you said that you wouldn't date the "type of person who looks at that stuff". I don't mean to single you out at all-- I think that this viewpoint seems to be shared by alot of women in here. I am just curious to see what exactly this "type" of person is!

Dan's Future Wife

Wedding: 08/28/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 6:36 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
NAB I think you looked too much on the word BIBLE than try to see the focus of the advise. Plus this is not a discussion to talk about religion, its a life we are dealing with. Which she is asking for advise. Its up to her to judge what goes according to her situation. I dont want to start an argument but If any of my comments made you angry or something then Sorry.

chearysgirl

Wedding: 03/05/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 6:42 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
WOW...I am going to agree with Raven on this..adn many of the other women..you need to talk to him...try and make him understand your feelings and the issue at hand....I seriously think that marriage or even engagement at this point is not a wise decision...Marriage will not fix your problems, it will increase them. You will have children to worry about, JOINT fianances...you need a man that is equally respectful of you and someone who treats you like a QUEEN...the QUEEN your family raised you to be!!! I really hope that you heed all the advice on here and look at the whole picture... Strip clubs aren't bad...I go with my FH and we have fun..we "people watch" its our entertainment...then we go home..The girls can't show their bottom half, the men can't touch..and all they are wanting is a dollar...as far as bachelor party, we aren't having seperate parties, we are doing it all together..like the rest of our life..TOGETHER.

chearysgirl

Wedding: 03/05/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 6:46 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
As far our "fights" we never fight..we have been together 1.5 yrs, which isn't long, lived together for almost a year, and it hasn't been bad. We disagree and we have had one fight..I threw a huge fit, screamed and yelled, and he sat there...holding my hand the whole time..We just never "fight" when we disagree I just tell him my point of view and he tells me his and then we try and compromise..if not we just each do it our own way and see which one works best...thats just what works for us..He never raises his voice he doesn't abuse me, he doesn't do anything abusive...and I am blessed..So please, if you are having this many issues and he is ABUSING you, you need to leave.. Just like the saying "if it is meant to be it will work out..he will get help and coping mechanisms to help with his anger, and you will learn to trust him and know that he isn't going to be mean to you and say very hurtful things...sometimes the things said are more hurtful than any physical form of abuse...

Laura K.

Married: 05/15/2009
Reviews: 7

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 6:52 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
whatever a couple decides TOGETHER is right for them is their business. If Shell and her husband agree together on their beliefs on this then I think it's great they're on the same page and it works for them. Doesn't mean that it's right for other people. But the point of this post is, whether you agree or disagree with strip clubs, etc.. your PARTNER should respect your feelings...it's not about if WE think they are right or wrong, it's about a couple coming together to decide what they want in their lives together. And NAB don't get fired up about her saying she wouldn't be with "that type of person" cause I wouldn't be with the type of person who is so rigidly judgmental and that's ok too, luckily we all find the type of person who is right for us! I don't think she meant it personally at all and even if she did, it doesn't matter cause you are secure in who you are right?

Not-A-Bridezilla

Wedding: 05/15/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 7:39 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Laura K-- can I just say I love you without being wierd? Pretty much what you just said sums up everything I have been trying to say but alot better! I know that many times I can take things regarding religion a little too personally and for that I apologize. I just had my entire catholic family tell me I was a whore when I was 13 over a rumor that I was having sex (which definitely wasn't true by the way). It went on and on and I was essentially grounded for a lonnnng time. I've also lost many people who were close to me in my life, so I tend to struggle with the whole "god" thing. Anyways I don't want to get into my whole depressing life story but I just wanted to let all of you know why I reacted the way I did to the religion concept. I respect everyone's decision to belong to a specific religion. As to what Laura K said-- I would like to think I am a very secure person but I do have my moments. I know that I have some areas I need to work on. Thanks ladies!

icart

Wedding: [Private]

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 8:26 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
With me, I made a request of No Stippers to my Fh and he was in full aggreement. I know he is not the stipper type. Told him we can go together some time and i am fine but not for his night. just shows disrespect for me. i am not even having anything. I may be the DD for him so all his friends can have fun. Also FH will not do it the day before.

Soon2BMrsP

Wedding: 03/20/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 8:54 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
i didn't read everyone's responses...BUT if he's never been and really wants to experience this BEFORE he gets married, then i wouldn't begrudge him. if you're up for it, why don't you all go together? we are. but we're just alot more open minded than some are. our only issue will be finding out what club they go to. afterall it's houston, and there's probably over a hundred bars haha.i'm sure if i said no strippers he wouldn't go unless he wanted to suffer the "Jess wrath". and it's pretty bad when i want it to be, but it's supposed to be fun, and it's supposed to be geared towards guys. i'd rather have my fh headin to the clubs BEFORE he married me, than wanting to try and go AFTER our nuptials.heck, i took my exhusband out for his 1st legal drink at a strip club in san diego.but i'm nearly as offended as some are. i worked at a strip club for a week, and not all the girl's are nasty. i guess i see all sides of the "business", so i'm not as bothered by it. i never tell i danced b4.

Soon2BMrsP

Wedding: 03/20/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 9:00 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
as far as porn, fh and i both find it entertaining, in a "blair witch production" kind of way rofl. so neither of us really watch it, but again, it doesn't bother me. but if it's something a couple has agreed not to indulge in, then that agreement should be honored. as for "that type of guy", well there's so many types. and sometimes, you get the guy who's done it all and doesn't care for it, or just for certain things as entertainment, or sometimes you get the guy who's never done it, is mildly interested in it, wants to try it and ultimately decides it's a worthless entity. whatever happens, i hope all goes well. wow, this is the biggest thread i've seen happen in 1 day since i joined the forum ;) great topic, apparently!!! lol

megan w.

Married: 11/21/2009

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 9:28 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I think it's sooooooooooooooo funny that so many of us are with the guys who "aren't into that stuff....it's just for the groomsmen". Hhahahahaha!!! Ladies, they're all into it. T & A wins. Hate to be a downer, but let's get real. The point is, you have to trust your man. If you don't, this won't get any better over the course of your indefinate marriage. Hate the idea myself, but it's reality. Let it go, I guess. The act makes them feel more like men...I think.

Laura K.

Married: 05/15/2009
Reviews: 7

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 10:40 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
megan I have to respectfully disagree that ALL men are into in because i was a bartender in a stripclub and I saw first hand the business and how different men behave in those environments without their women with them. Granted, many women would be shocked to see how their men actually behave there...but there is such a thing as gentlemen who are there with their buddies but they do not partake at all but to drink and have fun. I've seen them shun the girls and not even bother looking at the stage. One man said to me "This is all so stupid and boring when I have a more beautiful woman waiting at home for me" Loved it! Even some professional athletes I served there who were on the road and could do what they want, most were pigs but there were some that were beyond innocent. I'm sorry that you haven't found one of the guys who don't lie about it

mizzy713

Wedding: 10/10/2010

Posted On: Oct 27, 2009 at 10:52 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I personally don't want to go to a strip club for my bachelorette party (and plan on telling my MOH that as well), but I know how guys are and I am not opposed to the FI going to one if he wants because 1)his Best man is very happily married and 2)most of his friends aren't that wild/crazy or they are married themselves. lol. i don't find it disrespectful, but i understand where ur coming from.

Dan's Future Wife

Wedding: 08/28/2010

Posted On: Oct 28, 2009 at 1:51 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
skmason.... would like to hear how you're doing.... you havent comment in some time. Maybe it is that you are busy now but hopefully you are doing ok. Overall... dont do a rushed action just for all the comments here. Analize what you want and need most at this time. Though I dont really know you it is still a worry I have. Cuz I know this was not just a place to comment, its your heart that you put into the question. Take care... best wishes.

Denise M.

Wedding: 06/26/2010

Posted On: Oct 28, 2009 at 8:28 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I personally am fine with whatever the bestman comes up with. I trust my fiance! I did however tell the BM that whatever it was HAD to be done at least 2 weeks before the wedding. Dont need a drunk hung over fiance at the alter... lol. Again, I trust my fiance and I trust the men that he'll be with.

Marcy G

Wedding: 05/15/2010

Posted On: Oct 28, 2009 at 10:58 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
skmason I would tell your Sammy Hagar wanna be to smarten the heck up! He's emotionally abusing you you poor thing:(

Stephanie M.

Wedding: 06/21/2010

Posted On: Oct 28, 2009 at 1:58 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
DFW, my FH and I talked last night, although the issue of a strip club was never brought up. He apologized for his behavior and agreed to finally go to counseling (together). Our fighting styles are very different, so hopefully counseling will help us reconcile them. As for me, I am still trying to understand the entire situation. Everyone's advice has helped me to put my life into perspective and regain my inner strength. I feel more confident that if I did choose to leave, my life would continue toward another amazing future. The Potters- I don't have low self esteem issues or see his actions as being okay. I love the person life has made me, which is why I am so baffled and upset by my FH remarks. Now however, I realize that if he doesn't think I'm wonderful, there is no use trying to convince him. A relationship should make both parties better. Neither person should have to spend time "proving" themselves. It's such a waste of time. The only thing I have time for in life is loving

Aussie Bride

Wedding: 02/07/2010

Posted On: Oct 28, 2009 at 2:14 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Im very happy to hear he has agreed to counselling. Make sure you do what makes you happy and maybe hold off on wedding planning too much until you are both in a happy loving environment and these issues have been dealt with. If you choose to leave then there are plenty of women on here who can give advice. You certainly deserve too feel loved and beautiful by the person you are with.

Soon2BMrsP

Wedding: 03/20/2010

Posted On: Oct 28, 2009 at 2:16 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
skmason, i think that's great that he's agreed to go to counseling. an FYI although i've never truly done marital/couples counseling, thre's a good chance you 2 might be finding out more things you don't like about each other, but the ultimate goal is to confide and figure out which is petty(abusive relationships are NOT petty!), and what is worth working on. you'd be surprised when something that sems huge is easily worked out, and how often a tiny thing gets flipped around and about, and turns into a make-or-break thing, and it breaks the relationship. i'm really hoping everything works out for you 2! like laura i've worked in a club before, and you'd be surprised just how many men, really want to be at home w/wives rather than out with their "boys" lol. i've heard some men, walk in, sit down, start flipping his wedding ring, or fidgeting, and they walk right back out! good luck! you've got some time to work these things out, and i hope the result is best for both of you & each of u

megan w.

Married: 11/21/2009

Posted On: Oct 28, 2009 at 2:29 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Laura, no need to feel sorry for me...I think that's what you were trying to articulate in your last sentence. You worked in a strip club for Gods sake! You've got a much better perspective then me. If you didn't, you probably wouldn't be responding to everyone's comments on the matter. It's nice to hear that guys pay the cover to hang out with their friends and drink, not just to check out naked women (what was I thinking). I'm sure they'd be doing the same if saaaay... fully clothed nuns were swinging around on those polls.

Jrsgirl1

Wedding: 04/10/2010

Posted On: Oct 28, 2009 at 2:34 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
WOW, Just the thought of his saying "he dont know why he is marrying a STUPID Georgia girl would have sent him packing, but when he said that craziness about there are million of girls hotter than you he could have(POSTED OCT 27th) would have probably earned him an ass kicking! If he feels like that, why marry you in the first place? It seems as if you will face more issues after the wedding.Counseling is a good idea at this point,and Im glad he agreed to it. I really truelly hope all goes well. Keep us posted!

DawnDawn

Wedding: 03/14/2010

Posted On: Oct 28, 2009 at 2:53 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Good to hear that he has agreed to counceling. Have you considered postponing until a later date? Changes will not be made over night.

Dan's Future Wife

Wedding: 08/28/2010

Posted On: Oct 30, 2009 at 3:12 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Sorry I'm a bit late to respond... but went back to check on how you were doing. Glad you were able to respond. And overall IM GLAD YOUR FH DESIDED TO GO TO COUNSELING WITH YOU!! BEST WISHES!! We're here for ideas and help on your wedding planning. TAKE CARE!

Soon2BMrsP

Wedding: 03/20/2010

Posted On: Oct 30, 2009 at 5:56 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
nice to see people are biting their own lips again.....i think until skmason comes back and says something on the thread, maybe we should leave the thread sit for now...because as always, there is someone here to run her mouth...and no i'm not talking about any regulars, i'm sure it's easily read what i'm referring to...

LovelyUnique

Wedding: 02/11/2010

Posted On: Oct 30, 2009 at 6:15 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Everyone keeps saying it's about trust and respect so she should trust him but in turn he should respect her take the actual subject out of the picture....strippers .. the point is, she is uncomfortable with him doing something, he should respect her enough to let it go and not do it

Topics

Etiquette and Customs