Spin Off - Guests Offering to Pay
Since three people have now asked, I'll post the spin off. Definitely bad taste to ask people to pay to attend your wedding -- it's not a concert.

BUT!!! If a guest offers to pay to attend your wedding with no provocation, is it also in bad taste to accept?

Let's add some background: A few of us have had friends offer to pay to come to our wedding. I already have a guest list that I plan to stick to, and if I end up having space, perhaps I'll invite my buddy, but no promises. So I'll have enough to pay for the people I *want* there. So this is asking your thoughts as to how to respond to someone offering to pay to come, someone who you don't absolutely need to have there (like my current guest list), but who you wouldn't mind being there (buddies I only ocassionally hang out with.)

Just Reenski
Married: 1+ year ago
Reviews: 9
Edited On: Apr 26, 2012 at 9:44 PM
Posted On: Apr 26, 2012 at 8:31 PM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate0 likes

18 Comments | Login or Signup to post a comment!

Pink Bride
Married: 2+ years ago
Apr 26, 2012 at 9:06 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Bump :)

Married: 07/21/2012
Apr 26, 2012 at 9:14 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thanks for posting! I am Curious to see if one of our WW vets have any insight on this topic! I have actually had someone approach me on this!

KKnTrev
Married: 06/02/2012
Reviews: 7
Apr 26, 2012 at 9:34 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
It's not just the food cost you have to think about... it's favors, drinks, alcohol, chairs, linens, etc. Guess it depends on the wedding you are having and if you want it to be that way. We made sure we had money to pay for the people we wanted there...

justine
Married: 07/13/2013
Apr 27, 2012 at 4:05 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
i dont no if your guest list is final, but if its not an option may to be a "a" list and a "b" list. my FH hates this idea, but when you have a budget and you have a lot of people you want there its not a horrible idea to me.

basically, you said out "a" and if some one cant come you send an invite to a "b" list.

I was thinking of doing this our destination wedding, just because i have a lot of friends that i would love at my wedding, but i dont want to have 80 people there.

To answer your questions i dont think its right to accept some one's money unless its for a gift, i would just feel weird.

Married: 06/16/2012
Reviews: 3
Apr 27, 2012 at 4:12 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I am with KKnTrev. It's not just the food. It's so much more. Every single person invited is precious.

I have put a lot of work and effort into making sure they have an amazing time at my wedding which is a a minimum 6 hours away for the closest people.

I wouldn't accept the money because it's not just about the money.

Just Reenski
Married: 1+ year ago
Reviews: 9
Apr 27, 2012 at 5:29 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I have a A & B list, but even so, I doubt I'll be able to get to everyone on the B list, including my friend. I have wiggle room in the budget, so inviting them wouldn't even be an issue, but I was just floored when my friend offered to pay in response to my excuse of budgetary constraints (he asked me at another friend's wedding, and I was just trying to shut it down FAST -- my mistake.)

I agree with you ladies, I wouldn't allow anyone to pay to come to my wedding, but having been approached, I'm curious if a. anyone has ever had to handle that situation, b. if so, how did you handle it (or how can one tactfully handle it), and c. what are people's opinions on it.

Married: 06/16/2012
Apr 27, 2012 at 8:11 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Idk....I think he was the one being tacky by asking! Lol...like, who does that? Asks if they are invited to an event...if you get an invite, you are invited, if not then....you're not! But if he is a friend of yours....and you wouldn't mind him being there....and be offered....I don't see a problem with it. Clearly all the cool kids will be at your wedding and he wants to be a part of it too ;-)

Ab
Married: 10/29/2011
Apr 27, 2012 at 9:03 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I would not take them up on the offer..for the other reasons..if the person wasn't close enough for me to pay for them in the first place, then they shouldn't be there..or if they are then they should be included..the person put you in a very awkward position..I'd feel uncomfortable accepting the money also..especially if they balk at the price too since it does all add up.
Apr 27, 2012 at 9:15 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Your wedding isn't an event that others can invited themselves to; it's an even you control. Keep it that way.

Mrs.
Married: 10/16/2011
Apr 28, 2012 at 12:46 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
If they weren't on the guest list to begin with, why should they be on the guest list after the offer to pay for themselves? I think it is tacky. You invite people to your wedding that you want there. If you wanted them there, you would produce the funds to have them there. If you haven't invited them, then there are obviously other people that you would rather have there over them.

In my opinion, it is tacky. And who would offer to pay to go to someone's wedding? That is tacky in itself. Seems desperate.

Married: 04/20/2013
Reviews: 5
Apr 28, 2012 at 1:21 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I agree with Celia and Mrs.D..first off i would never take money for someone to come..i would just say "I have limited space and I am very sorry that i could not invite everyone that i wanted".."I would love for you to come but would never expect,or accept a guest to pay".."I hope you understand and if anything changes I will let you know" or something along those lines...also i just don't get the guest inviting themselves..it just seems odd to me!

Married: 08/27/2011
Reviews: 1
Apr 28, 2012 at 2:48 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Its a part of my culture to have family members help pay for each others weddings. I didn't ask them to like my cousins did but when they offered I did accept as that was part of my wedding gift from them. My husband is from the same culture but his family didn't offer to help us in any way and we didn't ask (except for his mother who kept on insisting that her friends needed to be in attendance so she paid for them.)

Wedding: 11/15/2014
Apr 28, 2012 at 7:30 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I would probably laugh, in all honesty... Then, I would politely decline and say something like, Oh your sweet.... unfortunately we just don't have the room to accomodate extra guests. I appreciate your offer, but we just don't have the room. Thank you though!"

Nicole S. (formerly Nicole C)
Married: 10/13/2013
Reviews: 5
Apr 28, 2012 at 7:48 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
The most awkward question for me would be- when do I collect the money??? Stop them at the door and say sorry, you're the only guest that can't enter before you pay

*picturing a giant bouncer with a VIP list*

Andrea Ank.
Married: 04/07/2012
Reviews: 5
Apr 28, 2012 at 8:51 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I agree with Nicole C.
It would be really awkward to collect and to have to put an actual price tag on a seat at your wedding? I dont think that people need to know how much you are paying.
Besides, I think that the people that you invite should hold special meaning. Not just people that you know or are aquainted with.

Married: 10/15/2011
Reviews: 7
Apr 28, 2012 at 9:31 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
It's totally inappropriate either way. Weddings are a celebration of marriage that should be shared with those you care about and/or those you have to invite for some reason. But weddings are not a business and should not be treated as such, at least not from the couple's perspective.

Also, people constantly complain how everything wedding is so expensive. But wedding vendors do that for a living. They, in fact run a business. So if it's OK for couples to treat weddings as a business, then vendors should really charge whatever on earth they want.

I would tell people asking that you're grateful and flattered, but that venue has restrictions unrelated to the budget.

Just Reenski
Married: 1+ year ago
Reviews: 9
Apr 28, 2012 at 9:33 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
First and foremost, I'm really happy to wake up and see that this has stayed a discussion. I agree Mrs. D, like I said, I was just trying to shut down an awkward conversation and didn't think it would take the turn it did. I've never in my life heard of anyone offering to pay to come to your wedding, and on another post, found out three of us have had it happen!

@Ruby, I think that's a little different. My parents are kindly paying for my wedding (part of why I'd like to keep the guest list small, spend less of their money), but that's different than friends paying just to come. But it's always nice to have help.

@Sabrina, I like your wording, and I'll go with those lines if/when he brings this up again, thanks!

@Andrea (and Labake, who also mentioned it), I agree with the sentiment of the guest list completely.

Married: 03/02/2013
May 15, 2012 at 11:13 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Hi i am kinda having the same thing happening to me now , i have two couples i no of they are not friends i just see them and say hello they are friends of friends and they ask if they were invited to my wedding and i nicely said its mainly family and very close friends and repeatly they have asked to pay for thier selves and i think its rude now bc they have ask more then once and i gave my answer and they keep asking bc my fiance and i are getting married its not just a house party.( just heard them couples are now mad at us oh well i guess. but its stressing me out
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