Scared To Get Married!!!
I have been with my FH for almost 6 years now - We got engaged last summer and are planning a fall wedding this year. Ever since we got engaged the idea of getting married has started to scare me! Did anyone else ever feel this way? How did you know that you were making the right decision?

Just looking for some advice - thanks!

Married: 10/01/2011
Posted On: Jan 5, 2011 at 3:51 PM • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

15 Comments | Login or Signup to post a comment!

Married: 10/03/2009
Reviews: 6
Jan 05, 2011 at 3:54 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
You need to discuss this with your fiance. If you are having these kind of doubts, it may be best to put off the wedding for a while, until you are ready, or perhaps seek some premarital counseling.
I knew I was making the right decision because I could never picture myself without my husband. Marriage or the prospect of it (forever) can seem intimidating, but I was never scared to marry my husband.

Married: 07/24/2010
Jan 05, 2011 at 3:56 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I think it's normal to be worried about the concept of marriage, or of moving too fast, but if you are questioning WHO you are marrying, not just THAT you are marrying, you might have some more serious problems.

Married: 06/26/2010
Reviews: 6
Jan 05, 2011 at 3:57 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I never had those doubts or thoughts at all. I was so excited to be getting married to my husband. I knew he was who I wanted to spend my life with and I knew that their was no one else. I too would talk to my fiance if I were feeling like that and definitely do pre-marital counseling we did because it was required to get married at our church. But it was so worth it.

Married: 08/12/2011
Reviews: 8
Jan 05, 2011 at 4:00 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
This is the topic that's not really discussed. Sometime after all of the hype about being engaged was over, reality started to set in. I kept saying I'm really getting married and I thought I was going to have a panic attack. It is extremely natural to be scared because it's a huge change in your life. You will have a whole new identity. If you value marriage like I do, you realize that it's going to be a lot of work. I love my FH to pieces, but the sun doesn't shine everyday. When I thought about it. We are really best friends and we generally like each other. With the help of pre-marital counseling, I think that we will be able to live happily ever after most of the time.

Ab
Married: 10/29/2011
Jan 05, 2011 at 4:00 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
What scares you about it exactly; the finality of it?

Married: 10/15/2011
Jan 05, 2011 at 4:18 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I hope its ok! lol I feel the same....We've been a couple for 6yrs now and I'm so used to being his girlfriend that I'm scared of being his wife. I guess I'm just scared of the unknown. It's not so much that I'm scared of marriage its the whole moving In with him. Im an only child and never lived very far from my mom or family this change will be drastic. But like everyone else he is my best friend. We speak like 5x a day and we our personality is a good match.

Officially His Mrs P.
Married: 10/09/2010
Reviews: 8
Jan 05, 2011 at 4:25 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
there shouldn't be any fear involved with spending the rest of your life with FS. this is something that should DEF be discussed with him. there was never a doubt in my mind whether I was making the best decision...i couldn't imagine life without him. sure i was anxious about the finality (is that even a word, lol?) of it all, but thats a normal response. best of luck!

Michelle
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 5
Jan 05, 2011 at 4:30 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
oh oh me me *raises hand* Not that I have experienced this, but I've been reading a book, and it's totally normal! It's not so much that you fear being married to FH forever, it's that you're scared of losing your identity. And that's perfectly normal! You will lose your identity. You will no longer be a single woman, you will become a wife. That doesn't happen by saying "I do". It's a transition that takes place over the course of your engagemnt.

Michelle
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 5
Jan 05, 2011 at 4:31 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
most women don't understand why they are experiencing anything other than total "bliss" before, during, and after the wedding.

Michelle
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 5
Jan 05, 2011 at 4:33 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
marriage is a rite of passage, and with that comes change. Birth and death, they go hand in hand. It other cultures, women have their mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers, and all the older women of their community guiding them through this transition. We no longer do that in our culture. What's left is a stripped down version of it: the bridal shower and the bachelorette party.

Married: 08/06/2011
Reviews: 9
Jan 05, 2011 at 4:34 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Rosa, I am getting married for the 2nd time. I never thought I would though because I thought getting married again would mean that I would give up my identity and my independence. I, like you, am an only child and most only children think in terms of "I', "Me", "Mine"... because that's what we're used to. I'm not saying we're all ungrateful and selfish though those tendencies can be there-- most only children I know wish we'd had siblings around to share with over the years. I think what you need to do is to evaluate what it is that really scares you. Moving in with him is really just a change in households-- you won't be losing your Mom. You've been with this person for 6 years so it's not like you're jumping in. If he's truly your match then the only thing that's really going to "change' is that you're be bound together contractually as well as emotionally.

Michelle
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 5
Jan 05, 2011 at 4:35 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I'm telling you, read this book, and you will arrive calm and serene (or as close as you can be!) on your wedding day! It's called The Conscious Bride. I've talked about it so much, they should pay me for their endorsements lol. You won't identify with EVERYTHING in it because every woman is different, but most of what you're experiencing is totally normal!

MrsD2011
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 1
Jan 05, 2011 at 4:37 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I'm sure it's normal, I'm not scared of getting married. In fact i can't wait to be married but that has a lot to do with the fact, I can finally get out from underneath my mother's thumb, I can do what I want, when I want too, without having to seek approval first and I see it as I can finally start living my own life, something I enjoyed very much while I was away at college ...

Married: 10/15/2011
Jan 05, 2011 at 4:44 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
@ Karen I know what u mean. Growing up I never "wanted" another sibling or atleast thats what I told myself but now its so hard not having someone to share any of my special moments and worse when my mom was hospitalized I was sooo alone. I am also moving to New Jersey and my mom lives in Brooklyn, if I can get my license (stupid snowstorm) its only a 40min drive other than that its a 2hr commute in PT. @ K.R. I suggest u analyze where these feelings are coming from and picture yourself married to him.

Married: 10/01/2011
Jan 05, 2011 at 5:51 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thanks to all of you for the advice and ideas! I ordered The Conscious Bride and will talk to the FH and a counselor. HOPEFULLY, that will clear my head of any doubts!

Best Wishes to you all!
Login or Signup to post a comment!

Topics

Vow of Conduct