Reception BEFORE the wedding!
Has anyone ever heard of this before? My cousin just sent out save the date emails for her upcoming September wedding.Well the details stated that the wedding is on 9/6/09 but the reception is 9/5/09.I asked was this a typo and was told no.First of all I have never heard of having a reception before the wedding and on top of it we have to pay to eat at the reception plus it says that they would like cash gifts .The gift part I have no problem with because I always believe in taking a gift to events that I feel require one.But how are you having a reception that your guest have to pay to eat at and then to tell them that you want monetary gifts.I feel as though we(her guests) are actually giving them a reception.Now set me straight if this is a new trend that I dont know about.

Married: 03/21/2009
Reviews: 7
Posted On: Apr 30, 2009 at 8:29 PM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

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Married: 06/26/2010
Reviews: 13
Apr 30, 2009 at 8:43 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Hi Vernice. I have never heard of anything like that before. Either having the reception before the ceremony or having to pay for your own meal. With having it before, I personally feel like that could jinx it. I mean not that I would ever want your cousin, or anyone, to not go through with getting married, but that has been done before where the day of the ceremony doesn't take place. As for paying for your own meal...I agree with you about you feeling like you are giving them a reception. I don't think that is fair in addition to giving them a gift. Traditionally the cash gift was at one time enough to cover the cost of the persons plate. I have never been to or heard of a wedding where the guests were asked to pay for their food.

Married: 07/30/2010
Apr 30, 2009 at 8:44 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Everything that I have ever read or heard about says that asking for cash is a big no no. As far as having the reception before the wedding, that's a new one for me, but I guess it's not that strange...asking people to pay for the reception and to give them cash however, is a little much to ask from people. Is it just family that is invited? I would just feel awful asking friends and coworkers to give me money. But...to each his own!!

Married: 07/23/2010
Reviews: 1
Apr 30, 2009 at 8:46 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING... FIRST OF ALL, I THINK ITS KINDA WEIRD TO HAVE THE RECEPTION BEFORE THE WEDDING... IVE HEARD OF RECEPTION DAYS OR EVEN WEEKS AFETER THE CEREMONY... BUT THATS CRAZY..

N I THINK ITS TOOOOTALLY RIDICULOUS THAT THEY ARE MAKING YOU PAY FOR IT... THE GUEST ARE NOT SUPPESED TO PAY FOR ANYTHING BUT THE GIFTS... N I THINK ITS TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE TO SENT YOU A NOTE WITH THE INVITATION TELLING YOU WHAT THEY WANT FOR GIFTS...

I DONT KNOW HOW CLOSE YOU ARE TO THEM, BUT UNLESS THEY WERE LIKE REALLY, REALLY CLOSE TO ME, I WOULDN'T GO!!

Married: 09/26/2009
Apr 30, 2009 at 9:00 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Don't take this the wrong way, but that idea is really tasteless and tacky! When you invite someone to come celebrate with you, they shouldn't have to pay for their own meals. I've heard of people stating "monetary gifts are graciously accepted," but I still think that is tacky as well. The guests are paying for the reception if they have to pay for the food. The reception before the wedding....yeah, that's a new one that none of us know about.

Married: 03/21/2009
Reviews: 7
Apr 30, 2009 at 9:02 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Im not that close with this particular cousin.And to be honest the way things were worded I was kinda offended and felt like we (the guest) were just being brought out to give them monetary gifts and share a meal that were paying for.

Married: 08/14/2010
Apr 30, 2009 at 9:04 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Hey yall!!! unfortunately there bein stingy and greedy all i one package. If there on a budget they need to downgrade or ask for help but not living above there means and want people to cater to them....

Crystal

Crystal Sword Jewelry & Gifts
Apr 30, 2009 at 9:21 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Sorry, that is just wrong.....I wouldn't even go if I was sent something like that.

Certified Wedding & Event Specialist

Your Day Your Way!
Apr 30, 2009 at 10:06 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
You NEVER NEVER ask for cash gifts - very poor etiquette. I have heard of a reception prior to the ceremony in some Mormon weddings because not everyone is eligible to attend the temple ceremony. Paying cash for the reception is also VERY POOR etiquette. It's such a shame that her wedding will be remembered in this way. It's okay to have a cash bar although it's not recommended. I'm sure a lot of guests will decline attending because of this. Charlene Libertini, Your Day Your Way!, www.yourday--yourway.com

Married: 03/15/2009
Reviews: 5
Apr 30, 2009 at 10:18 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I find that absolutely ridiculous that they would make you pay for your own meal and STILL have the nerve to specify "cash gifts." I would send her a nice card and say that money is tight as she can understand, and that you would rather send her a nice gift to help pay for her wedding than come and use some of it to pay for your food.

Married: 2+ years ago
May 01, 2009 at 12:11 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Ohhh NOooo!! I would not even attend. Now my sister is having a wedding and she is asking for monetary gifts, which I still think its rude even if ive been too a bunch of wedding that do this, and i have no idea how much too give them. I don't want too give her too much because money is tight and im already giving her $100 to help with the wedding and not too mention the attire i have too buy (for me and my kids), but i don't want it too seem like her sister is cheap and gave her a lousy amount of money either. It just puts all her guests in a sticky situation. But anyways, the reception being before the wedding is completely dumb to me what if one of them says no then what they give you the monetary gifts back lol sorry but i just don't understand it and i wont even go there with the food you guys have too buy! Sorry too hear this

lauren10
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 4
May 01, 2009 at 9:20 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I'm with you Vernice. I don't get it.

guest \'gest\ n.
1. One who is a recipient of hospitality at the home or table of another.

When you ask someone to pay for themselves at an event, they are not a guest, they are a patron! I don't know about anyone else, but I'm not that excited over other people's weddings that I want to pay to go to one...and asking that in addition to bringing a gift and paying for travel and accommodations?!

The good gesture of hosting a wedding (or shower) is getting lost somewhere. It's becoming more about money than it is about asking loved ones to witness the sacred event of matrimony. I wouldn't make the assumption that anyone would want to PAY to come to my wedding...it's just ridiculous! When people offer a wedding gift to you it's out of love, so you reciprocate by offering a meal and a pleasant evening. If you can't afford the big to-do, don't do it!! Offer your hospitality in a way that is affordable for you.

Married: 10/24/2009
Reviews: 2
May 01, 2009 at 12:50 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I 100% agree with Lauren. Although strange, I don't think it's totally unacceptable to have the reception prior to the wedding, but I think it's absolutely asinine to request that your "guests" pay for their own meal. Plus, it's tacky and presumtuous to elude to ANY sort of gift request on the invitations, let alone specifying they would like cash. It's that much more rude when you ask people to pay for their own food too. I definitely would decline this invite, or MAYBE go to the ceremony only. As far as a gift goes, I would buy them something, and not give cash. Their request for cash is just that...a request...it doesn't mean that's what they'll get or what people want to give. In this situation I would be VERY incomfortable handing over cash because it gives off the impression that I condone their behavior. Just my opinion... Good luck!

FMS, the barefoot wife!
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 10
May 01, 2009 at 1:18 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Hmm..wow, I don't want to sound rude, but that invite def. was rude!! You have to PAY for your meal? AND they stated on the invite that they wanted cash?? Thats not appropriate at all! How ever, depending on different ethnic backgrounds, receptions are not always after the ceremony, sometimes they are the next day, after another ethnic ceremony, I personally never heard of the reception being before the ceremony before, Maybe it's the rehersal dinner?? and they are candelling the reception?? Hmm...This is not a new trend and the wedding couple should never expect the guest to pay for their reception...

Married: 05/15/2009
Reviews: 7
May 01, 2009 at 1:42 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
OMG!! You have to be kidding!!! I would not attend a reception where they have told us to pay for our own meals and then give them presents. I could ALMOST see if they were saying "In place of a gift to us we'd be grateful if you could pay for your own meal" Even that would be really rude but at least forgivable. It's strange that the reception is first but I'd roll with that one and I always give cash at weddings anyway, although to put that on an invite is pretty rude. But I can not believe they actually asked their guests to pay for their reception. WOW! I'd be surprised if many people show up at all. I would feel that they have no respect for us as their loved ones and guests so why should we have the respect to be there for their reception? That's crazy! This is going in my list of stories I tell people about unbelievable wedding stuff!

Married: 03/21/2009
Reviews: 7
May 01, 2009 at 2:16 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Im with you Laura about unbelieviiably wedding stories.This is why I had to ask someone else was this normal so I thought of you guys.And even you guys are appalled.

Married: 09/25/2009
May 01, 2009 at 9:22 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I agree with you and everybody else. Your cousin's reception is tacky and ghetto as hell. She better hope people show up because if I was one of the invites, I wouldn't come.

Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 5
May 01, 2009 at 9:58 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Etiquette aside has anyone in your family asked why things are being arranged this way? Asking for a cash gift isn't much different than putting gift cards on your registry and having a reception before the wedding may hold particluar sentiments for the couple. I would definately have reservations about attending the event but not in supporting the couple. Perhaps bypassing the reception and attending only the ceremony with your monetary gift...

FutureMrsMoore
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 2
May 02, 2009 at 7:30 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Are you serious!That is just tacky and unacceptable to have your GUEST pay for their own food and on top of that ask for money.I know its hard times with recession , but be serious,if you can't afford a wedding,don't have one.

Then the reception before ceremony issue, that is also tacky.The reception is suppose to be a celebration of the wedding after the ceremony .I wouldn't even entertain her tacky wedding ,I would just send a card(No Hallmark)and say congrads!SMH

soon2bMrsD
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 16
May 03, 2009 at 11:51 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
One word: GHETTO

If she wants to do it where the guests pay (AND THEY SHOULD NOT) then the more civilized thing to do is let her mother call everyone and tell them that the couple is going through financial difficulties. And there will be a BBQ reception held at xxx Park. Meat will be provided, please bring a covered dish to share and celebrate. --I would like this better as I dont mind cooking. But to straight up and tell me to pay for my own plate?!! ummm NO! Is it being held at a restaurant? Can you give us some more info as to how she plans to do this?

Requesting cash gifts is NO NO --I repeat A BIG FAT NO NO!

As far the reception before the ceremony--if she has a valid reason why--like grandma will only be here that day, then its understandable. Otherwise I personally find it weird.

All this is her way of saying they don't want to pay for their own wedding. And thats fine....just get mommy and daddy to foot it ---NOT YOUR GUESTS!
May 03, 2009 at 3:34 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Wow. I have NEVER heard of anyone asking for their "GUESTS" to pay for their own meals. That is beyond crazy and very thoughtless.

Just curious, did they provide a price for how much the meal would be??


If I were in your position I probably wouldnt even go...and probably wouldnt bother with a gift either. I find it offensive to be invited to a wedding and yet have to pay for something that should always be included. Times are tough, but there is no excuse for this.
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