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Please give me some advice....

Hello ladies...I have a bit of an issue, so I will give you a brief explanation. My FH and I met 4 yrs ago. We met very random at a bar by my house (southern Florida). Come to find out he was visiting his brother & he actually lived on the other side of the state. (170 miles away). Long story short, we commuted every weekend to see each other. I own a house & my 14 yr old attends school on my coast. He owned a house on his coast & had been at his job for 14 yrs. He finally made the plunge & got rid of his house, quit his job & moved over to my coast in October because I wouldn't uproot my daughter. Well, about 2 weeks ago his former boss (from across the state) called him and wants him to come back to work for him. His former boss knows we commuted for FOUR YEARS and are getting married. BUT a contract that my FH was in charge of is up for renewal & the person they hired to replace my FH is not cutting it so they are going to loose the contract if FH doesn't go back (cont..)

Vicki

Married: 05/18/2013

Posted On: Feb 21, 2013 at 10:03 AM | Vendors are allowed | Add to My Watchlist | Flag As Inappropriate | 0 likes

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Vicki

Married: 05/18/2013

Posted On: Feb 21, 2013 at 10:09 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Now that contract is worth 1.5 million to his former boss. So, of course he doesn't want to lose it. He has offered to pay for a condo for my FH and he wants him to work from noon Monday to 3 p.m. Thursday. (3 hour drive) So FH would have to leave the house at 9 a.m. on Monday morning and wouldn't be home until 6 p.m. on Thursday night.... :( I feel like absolute crap saying no. The money is amazing, and now that we downsized and his old home is gone we could install a pool that we really want....BUT I have dealt with it for FOUR YEARS already...and I really dont want to do it again. His former boss has said that if he accepts, then my FH will need to sign a 1 year agreement to stay on. What should I do? Just go with it? Complain about it? My heart is hurt and I don't want to go through all of that again, but he loves that job, the money is amazing....but money doesn't mean that much to me....please give me words of wisdom :) Edited On: Feb 21, 2013 at 10:11 AM

Marlina R.

Wedding: [Private]

Posted On: Feb 21, 2013 at 10:15 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate3 likes
All I can say is doors open for a reason : ) Get a pen and paper and write down the pros and cons of both options. That will help you see clearly what decision will be best. Change is not always bad. Fear stands in the way of happiness and success. I dont know what your faith is like so I will speak if it were me.... Pray about it.

CrystalS

Cricket Catering

Posted On: Feb 21, 2013 at 10:15 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate3 likes
One year isn't that long. Your child is 14 which usually is 9th grade. Once she graduates in a few years, would you move there since his job is stable and he loves it?

Belais

Wedding: 10/12/2013

Posted On: Feb 21, 2013 at 10:16 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate1 like
For what it's worth... I don't know what your FI does for a living, but is there any chance he could work remotely from where you are now? That's what I do for my company - I'll do conference calls or sometimes will have to go to the office (1.5-2 hr drive, driving time included in my work day), but mostly I just work from home. Your FI at this point has 0 obligation to his former employer - I've seen people resign (or, at one point, get laid off) in the middle of a big project or when they were the main contact for a customer and the company was able to work it out. This is what businesses do. I would be careful about getting sucked back in to something like this... On the one hand, maybe your FI can get some things worked out since his old boss seems fairly desperate...on the other hand, if he says yes now, more likely to get sucked in later. What does your FI think about all this? Have you told him how you feel? He/the two of you need to decide what's most important, imho. GL!

PurpleSun

Wedding: 09/01/2013

Posted On: Feb 21, 2013 at 10:16 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate1 like
How long would this commute go on for? Edit - nevermind, i just saw it was only for a year. Also, why don't you want to "uproot" your daughter? I moved to England for a year when I was 11-12 years old. You just learn to accept it and respect your parents decision for what is beset for the family. Its nowhere near as bad as army kids who have to move every other year or more. Edited On: Feb 21, 2013 at 10:17 AM

Nancy T

Barefoot Weddings, Sarasota, FL

Posted On: Feb 21, 2013 at 10:17 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate1 like
Could your FH be hired as a consultant for that one client?

Lucky me

Wedding: 06/22/2013

Posted On: Feb 21, 2013 at 10:18 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Well that's tough! I think if it's for another year then maybe he should do it. A year goes quickly! Plus if you need the money then he should do it. If money is not a factor and you are doing fine on what he makes now, the tell him your concerns and say you really don't care about the money, you just want him home.

Shannon

Wedding: [Private]

Posted On: Feb 21, 2013 at 10:18 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
3 nights away a week isn't THAT bad. I know it's not ideal but 3 nights away is probably better than you were doing before FH moved and it's only for a year to start. I know how hard long distance can be as FH and I live more than 300 miles apart and have been doing distance for years as well. It would obviously be very difficult. How does FH feel about the offer? Maybe you can work out a better situation with FH boss to work remotely on weeks where it's important he's there such as birthdays, anniversary, or a significant event for your daughter. If his boss is flexible it might not be so bad. Sit down and talk to FH and see how he feels.

Katie L.

Wedding: 08/10/2013

Posted On: Feb 21, 2013 at 10:26 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate2 likes
If he wants to do it I would let him. You dont want him to resent you or be the reason he didnt advance in his career. Yeah, it does suck, but Id let him know you think it sucks, but you are going to support his decision and then let it go.. A year will fly by and if he made the sacrafice to uproot his life to come to you, then I think you need to make the sacrafice to let him do this.

Vicki

Married: 05/18/2013

Posted On: Feb 21, 2013 at 10:32 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Thanks ladies :) He is a little apprehensive, because he was soooo happy when he left! lol He is a project manager for a landscaping company. So he is in charge of 770 homes in a development, so unfortunately he has to be on site. I have lived in my home since my daughter was in first grade, and since she is in 9th grade now, I will not move her. Plus, he lived near Miami (no offense if anyone lives there) but I hate it. We live in a small city called North Port, and we know everyone and we both love it here. All of our family lives on my coast (including his dad, step mom, brother, uncle and his best friend). I know my FH has the upper hand with this situation & it is only 3 nights a week. BUT....damn. I just finally had him home, and now he is going to leave again.

CrystalS

Cricket Catering

Posted On: Feb 21, 2013 at 10:40 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate1 like
What is he doing now? How would that be impacted by going back for a year?

Belais

Wedding: 10/12/2013

Posted On: Feb 21, 2013 at 10:43 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
@Vicki - I think the whole him being happy when he left is a telling sign (but again, I'd discuss it more with him). Does he have a job now & if so, does he like it? Something else to consider. I can also understand not wanting to move your daughter. I've known people who move and they adjust/are fine with it. I lived in the same house in my hometown from the time I was 3...but a couple years after my parents got divorced, my dad married a woman (big mistake, it turns out) & we sold my chilidhood home so he could move in with her (I went to live with my grandparents, my bro got uprooted to live with my dad). It was not fun. From what you're saying, your current home is ideal for various reasons. 1 year isn't the end of the world, but if he does it, make sure you go over the agreement thoroughly.

PurpleSun

Wedding: 09/01/2013

Posted On: Feb 21, 2013 at 10:52 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
@Vicki - yea I have lived in my same home all of my life (my parents still live there in fact) so it was really interesting to me when we got to move. I guess it wouldn't be exciting for your daughter (as the attitude of the parents usually reflects onto the kids), but for me it was a great opportunity and a whole new experience. I made a ton of new friends the first week I was out there. But in your situation, it seems like the only reason yall would accept the position is because of financial reasons and you don't even like where you would be going. The accountant in me is telling you to make an opportunity cost calculation (the cost of doing, or not doing something) and weighing the financial AND emotional costs. If you DO decide to go for it, keep an open mind! Edited On: Feb 21, 2013 at 11:00 AM

Lindsay™

Wedding: 01/04/2014

Posted On: Feb 21, 2013 at 12:56 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I don't see a problem with him doing this. Other posters are right that once your daughter graduates you could move at that point. My Dad was a truck driver for 12 years and he was gone 5-6 days out of the week, every week and we all came out alright :)

diane m.

Wedding: 05/17/2014

Posted On: Feb 21, 2013 at 1:09 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
After reading all this to me it comes down to 2 things: FH really wants to go back? or Do you need/want the money? I hope the two of you make a decision that you both can live with. Good luck :)

Marie C.

Wedding: 09/28/2013

Posted On: Feb 21, 2013 at 2:34 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
What would happen after the 1 year contract? Would he be without a job again? Sit and discuss..... in my opinion, happiness is worth more than money.

bittsey

Wedding: 07/13/2013

Posted On: Feb 21, 2013 at 2:51 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
My Dad commuted to/from Washington state (we are Virginia based) for 18 months because it was a GREAT opportunity for him professionally and financially. He and my step-mom talked about it for a long time, and to them it made sense. It's a super personal decision and I hope you guys are happy with whatever you decide!

Vicki

Married: 05/18/2013

Posted On: Feb 21, 2013 at 2:52 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Thank y

Jamie D.

Married: 05/04/2013

Posted On: Feb 21, 2013 at 3:09 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
A year isnt too bad for the money and the fact that it is just a few nights a week. I would see if there is ANY room for flexibility about maybe a couple days a week then a full week so it isnt as bad and you can be together. What does your daughter day? Is she dead set against a move or is it just you? She is old enough she might be ok with it and if its just you, thats ok, but see what she says too. Personally if he loved the job and its a short term thing, I would make FH do it. But ultimately it isnt up to us! Good luck, this is a hard decision!

Steph ☺

Married: 04/27/2013
Reviews: 6

Posted On: Feb 21, 2013 at 3:54 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate1 like
Here is my thought. It's only one year. And because he does have the upper hand I say he asks for a good hike in pay. So when he is done for the year you guys can have a good chunk of savings. whether it's for college for your kid. Or future kids. Or to take a trip once the year is done... or all of the above...

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