People inviting themselves to my wedding
How do you deal with random people inviting themselves to your wedding? My wedding is this July and it seems like the closer I get to the date, the more people anticipate receiving an invite. My FH and I are on a strict budget and we aren't making any exceptions. We are inviting family, close friends, and a few colleagues. I keep getting random requests from people that we don't see or speak to on a regular basis. We don't have the money to invite everybody we know, and even if we did, I highly doubt we would include these individuals anyway. How do I let them down without sounding insensitive or mean?

FutureMrs.BTA
Married: 07/02/2011
Reviews: 2
Posted On: Jan 28, 2011 at 9:13 AM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

17 Comments | Login or Signup to post a comment!

Married: 10/09/2011
Reviews: 9
Jan 28, 2011 at 9:16 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I would just tell them the truth that the wedding costs per person and that you dont have the means to invite everyone so you are keeping it small and simple, just inviting close family and friends, and that you appreiciate them wanting to be a part of your big day.

Chesty LaRue
Married: 08/27/2011
Jan 28, 2011 at 9:17 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Tell them the truth that our budget is tight and you family is big and you are just gonna have close family and friends. Ppl understand that weddings costs. It's not just a big party.

Married: 04/07/2011
Jan 28, 2011 at 9:18 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Tell them that this is a small intimate affair with family and close friends. You could also just smile and say "We will see we still haven't worked out the guest list." You can also just do what I did (as mean as it may sound) "Hey will I get an invite?" "Why would or should I invite you to my wedding?" Watching their faces turn red and stammer was pretty fun to watch.

Or you could just not respond!

Married: 11/05/2011
Reviews: 6
Jan 28, 2011 at 9:18 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I'm having the same problem. I just say "actually we're doing a more intimate/small wedding.... mostly just family". That usually spells it out in a nice way that people can't be offended by.
I'm going to throw a super informal party 2 weeks after my wedding for all the people I couldn't invite and who ever really wants to come. Just a BBQ/potluck with some music. Good luck : )

Brian Cesario Photography, LLC
Jan 28, 2011 at 9:19 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Well, there's a little discrepancy between the title and what you wrote here. If the people are asking questions like "So where's my invitation?", I think you can come back with something simple like, "Because of our budgetary constraints, we really have to keep the guest list trimmed." On the other hand, if people are flat-out telling you "I'm coming", then I think you can step up and be a little more bold. Maybe try something like, "I'm very sorry to tell you this, but our budget will not permit us to have you there." And then let it go. My two cents...

Married: 06/25/2011
Reviews: 9
Jan 28, 2011 at 9:21 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Definitely having this problem...**le sigh** I hope people understand that we can't invite everyone!

FutureMrs.BTA
Married: 07/02/2011
Reviews: 2
Jan 28, 2011 at 9:24 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thanks for the suggestions everyone! @ Brian, I've actually been getting the, "where's my invite" and the "i'm coming. make sure u include me on the guest list" LOL...it's CRAZY!!! When people do this, I'm at a loss for words because it always catches me off guard.

Meghan
Married: 08/20/2011
Reviews: 3
Jan 28, 2011 at 9:29 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
When you talk about your wedding EVER just say that you are doing a very small, intimate affair- mainly for family. Just say you are keeping very simple and VERY small.

A wedding is small and intimate to any guest that's not invited... whether the actual guest list is 25 or 250...

MrsD2011
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 1
Jan 28, 2011 at 9:31 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I ran into the same problem with my neighbor across the street, she just assumed she'd be invited to the wedding. She just came up to me during our July 4th party and said I'm so excited for your wedding ... I haven't been to a wedding in so long. I was like well the wedding is out of state and we haven't worked out the guest list yet.

I hate it when people just assume they are getting an invite.

Mrs♥In♥September
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 5
Jan 28, 2011 at 9:53 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
FutureMrs.BTA I've had people ask me the same thing, or they tell me let me make sure you have my address right or I can't wait until I see everything come together. And Ive been tight lipped, especially at work. I always smile and try to politely say that its just family and close friends or if I mention the wedding at all I say how tight our budget is.

Brian Cesario Photography, LLC
Jan 28, 2011 at 9:59 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I think the directness of your response is largely dictated by the boldness of the other person's statement. Some people are overzealous. Others have no couth. Still others just plain don't get it. Don't feel bad standing up for yourself if and when it becomes necessary. Girl I grew up with got married a couple of years ago. I was visiting with her when a nosy neighbor dropped by for a visit and started making comments on how she couldn't wait for the wedding and this and that (apparently, she had tried this multiple times previously). My friend got fed up and said to her, "Look, I'm sorry, but we can't invite you because our budget doesn't permit it, so please stop with the comments!" I think she took the hint at that point.

Brian Cesario Photography, LLC
Jan 28, 2011 at 10:09 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I'm also noticing a trend among the brides here that a lot of people have problems with pushy colleagues at work. The best way to avoid problems is to "sum up" the situation ahead of time. If you've been at your company for a while, you get to know the people. Are they the kind of who like to stick their two cents in on everything? If so, I'd keep the wedding information hush-hush (I even know some people who went as far as to remove their engagement rings before they went to work each day). They can't bug you if they don't know you're getting married.

On the other hand, if people know you're getting married and start pestering you to be invited, I think you can be clear that you're not inviting them for whatever reason (budget, no colleagues, etc). If they don't get it, talk to their supervisors. No one should feel uncomfortable at their job, and if you've made it clear that you don't plan to invite someone, they need to respect your decision. It's part of being professional.

....
Married: 2+ years ago
Jan 28, 2011 at 10:15 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Just be honest. If your budget won't allow for guest outside of family and close friends, just say so. It's your wedding, and you shouldn't have to make anything up, or worry yourself about how others will feel not being invited. Truth is, no matter what you say, some people may feel you're being insensitve and mean. Good luck girly!

Married: 10/01/2011
Reviews: 5
Jan 28, 2011 at 10:37 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
DO NOT MENTION BUDGET AT ALL. Just say 'Thank you so much for your interest but it's a small, intimate family wedding - you understand.'

If you mention budget it sounds like you value other things over people. Lets face it, if you really put your mind to it, you can always find ways to have everyone you want at a wedding - even if that means all you can afford is 'cake and punch' at home - as Miss Manners says.

This is why Miss Manners gives the above advice. Just repeat that it's a small, family wedding.

Married: 08/12/2011
Reviews: 8
Jan 28, 2011 at 10:45 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I would just tell them the truth. Your wedding is Intimate and you can only invite a certain number of people.

Greyash
Married: 03/12/2011
Reviews: 4
Jan 28, 2011 at 11:34 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I just told the truth, I had ex coworkers asking to come to the wedding and I haven't seen them in person in almost 2 years. As well as a girl from High school that I barely knew said she's "totally gonna be there!" uh, no ma'am, you're not. I just explained that FH and I are paying for the wedding ourselves and we're just doing a small ceremony with just close family and friends.

Noe
Married: 07/09/2011
Reviews: 6
Jan 28, 2011 at 12:16 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I feel your pain. I think you just have to let them know they are not invited in a firm but polite manner.
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