Not inviting kids to a wedding.
I'm getting married in August. It's a 5:30 p.m. wedding in a garden setting followed by a 5 hour reception of dinner and dancing. My fiance's brother (his only sibling) has 3 children...they'll be 6, 4 and 14 mts. by then. They're unruly. They can't sit still and have to constantly be entertained. When my fiance told his family 'no children' it got ugly. My future father-in-law said it was "tradition" to have children of the immediate family there. My future brother-in-law said he was hurt and disappointed, and his wife said if they couldn't go, she wouldn't go either. And they don't trust their children to babysitters. She also said not to expect the kids to behave if they did go because kids that age are expected to run around and carry on. I don't think an evening affair is any place for little children. Is there etiquette to follow when dealing with the children of immediate family?

Married: 08/28/2010
Posted On: Dec 11, 2009 at 2:02 PM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

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Married: 11/06/2010
Reviews: 5
Dec 11, 2009 at 2:08 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
There will be no children at my wedding, except for the 2 that are in my wedding. If it was immediate family I would probably make an exception however, if they cannot be respectful enough to attempt to control their children and make sure they don't show out during your affair, I would not rack my brain about inviting them. The audacity she had to tell you that they won't be have pissed me off when I read it! She just wouldn't be there then. If your fiance' agrees with it let him handle it.

If you want to be nice then you could set up a little area for the children to play away from the actual party, if your venue can accommodate it. But if they aren't trying to help you, no need to help them!

Married: 05/07/2011
Reviews: 6
Dec 11, 2009 at 2:09 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
There isn't any etiquette that I know of, but if you don't want the children there, then they shouldn't be there. I am of the opinion that children shouldn't be at more formal weddings. 1) There are kids and will be bored out of there minds. 2) When kids are bored they act up and I wouldn't want misbehaving children at my wedding. 3) If the parents don't trust their kids with babysitters what makes them think it is appropriate to bring them to a wedding? 4) You aren't their parents so you shouldn't have to deal with them.

One thing you could do is have a room off to the side for children and ask someone or hire someone to watch the children. I would be furious if misbehaving children were running rampant at my wedding.

JulyBride
Married: 07/25/2009
Reviews: 5
Dec 11, 2009 at 2:09 PM • 
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JulyBride
Married: 07/25/2009
Reviews: 5
Dec 11, 2009 at 2:10 PM • 
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Married: 12/14/2013
Dec 11, 2009 at 2:10 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
for one someone needs to slap the mother and father for not making they're children behave. the proper etiquette is to allow them to come under the condition that they are going to be controled and monitored the entire time, and warn that if they come and do not behave they will have to leave. it's never easy to stand up to family but sometime it is nessesary. hope that helped.

yadayada
Married: 10/30/2009
Reviews: 5
Dec 11, 2009 at 2:14 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Yikes, so basically they know the kids won't behave and they expect you to have them there anyway? I think the rule with kids is all or nothing - meaning if you allow some guests to bring their kids you have to allow ALL the guests to do so. Some families do make an exception for wedding party or immediate family, but that might cause some resentment among the other guests.


In your situation I would say "well, I'm very sorry you won't be able to make it to the wedding. You will certainly be missed." These are probably empty threats because they are too cheap to pay a sitter...

Married: 11/21/2009
Reviews: 5
Dec 11, 2009 at 2:23 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I agree with the girls above. You really need to be firm if you want a no kids reception. Sounds like you really need to be firm in the case of this family and it sounds like those kids really shouldn't be at the wedding. Let your fiance be the bad guy. If they won't leave the kids with a sitter that's there problem. You shouldn't have to pay for the kids to attend your wedding. It most likely increase your cost. We had this same issue come up. We used the we can't afford kids at the wedding and if we allow yours then we have to allow everyone's. We had to be verrryy Firm!! We still had one kid come up un-invited after several discussions that they weren't allowed. Day of the wedding we let it go because we were too busy having fun. People are rude you have to be firm with what you want its your day.

Married: 06/11/2010
Dec 11, 2009 at 2:25 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
i dont think its rude not to have children? I mean, im having children at mine, but thats becuz my little sister and my two brothers will be 6,5,3 at the wedding! i figured if i let others bring their kids, it would give them someone to play with! :) But not having children is understandable! its your day! and plus wouldnt it take the stress off the parents, that they arent ruining something? (not saying all kids are hectic; just curious..) Kids dnt mean to mess things up, but if they arent there it keeps them from getting in trouble! lol.
i hope it all works out for you! your day should be how you want it! so good luck :)

Unique
Married: 02/11/2010
Dec 11, 2009 at 2:28 PM • 
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Dec 11, 2009 at 2:29 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Ahhh same thing happened at mine. We ended up having to invite his sister's two kids but I limited everyone else's kids.
They were pretty much the only two kids at the church and reception. And yes- they were miserable cuz our reception was until 1am...but that's their choice as well.
What I did was reserve his family a row towards the side which they were easily able to walk out and be unnoticed if their kids got roudy..but everything worked out thankfully.

Unique
Married: 02/11/2010
Dec 11, 2009 at 2:33 PM • 
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Married: 01/23/2010
Reviews: 5
Dec 11, 2009 at 2:35 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Just stick to your guns it wont be pretty and not everyone will agree or be happy with you but it yours day and if thats what you want then do it. I am not having children either I think as long as you give them ample time to figure out something then who cares my wedding is also at 5pm and I feel that is no place for children. My nieces and nephews are the unruly ones and that was my deciding factor. Good luck and just no it isnt a easy situation.

Married: 11/06/2010
Reviews: 5
Dec 11, 2009 at 2:37 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I would definitely tell them, "sorry you can't make it, we would have loved for you to be there"! I think its unreasonable that people expect that their children can go anywhere they can. I have to make arrangements for my daughter. If they were going out for an elegant evening they paid for, they would not take the children. I am sure they can find something for them. People just want you to cater to them when its really your day!

Married: 08/28/2010
Dec 11, 2009 at 2:53 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
My future in-laws have offered to pay any additional expenses for having their grandchildren there. But that's not the issue. The kids aren't in our wedding and there won't be any other children there. Also, my fiance's brother is in the wedding and since our wedding party is small, we've asked all the significant others to sit at the head table with us. So, that leaves the grandparents to watch them. Another point my future in-laws made was that in 20 years when the kids are grown, they'll look back at pictures and realize they weren't invited and they'll be very hurt! How ridiculous is that!!! My fiance really loves those kids but we both know it won't turn out good if they come. His family, however, wants what they want and have resorted to guilt and bullying tactics.

Married: 11/06/2010
Reviews: 5
Dec 11, 2009 at 2:55 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
OMG! 20 YEARS? Are you serious? In 20 years, those kids won't be thinking about your wedding! LOL Will they be upset because they weren't invited to the bachelorette or bachelors party with the strippers too. Tell them to get over it, they aren't coming, its an ADULT affair. I don't see the big deal.

FMS, the barefoot wife!
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 10
Dec 11, 2009 at 2:57 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I can see your point of not wanting children there. But, it is his nieces and nephews. I can understand limiting kids at just nieces and nephews, and I can understand why they would be hurt. I usually it's all or none, but in this cas, because it is immediate family, perhaps allow the tikes to be there, and if they get out of hand, I guess the would just have to take them home. I wanted to just have my nieces and nephews at the wedding, but a couple of my friends will have rather new babies by then, so I just said what ever, what an extra three kids?

FMS, the barefoot wife!
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 10
Dec 11, 2009 at 3:02 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I usually say* opps! Have your FH mention that the reason you didn't want children there was because of the the possiblity of children getting out of hand during the ceremony, reception, etc. And that you two feel that it's not something you want while trying to say your vows and stuff. See what they have to say, perhaps they will say, if the do get out of hand, then we will take them home, to the hotel, etc. If they don't say that, then causually hint that that's what you want.

yadayada
Married: 10/30/2009
Reviews: 5
Dec 11, 2009 at 3:17 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
In 20 years those kids will be relieved they didn't have to go to a boring wedding!

Unique
Married: 02/11/2010
Dec 11, 2009 at 3:17 PM • 
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Married: 10/24/2009
Reviews: 2
Dec 11, 2009 at 3:22 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
In this case I think you should stand your ground. Normally, I would say that since these are the only nieces and nephews and not inviting them will cause SOOO much drama, that you could go ahead and have them there if the FILs are willing to pay for their food and babysitter. But that's would ONLY be if the parents are willing to work with you, which doesn't seem the case. Considering, A) They're not likely to let the kids be looked after by a babysitter, even AT the wedding and B) they CLEARLY have no intention of even TRYING to keep the kids under control, I definitely would not let them come. The idea that she even told you not to expect them to behave and that they're supposed to "run around and carry on" is ridiculous. She's using the "kids will be kids" cliche to avoid acting like an actual parent. The fact that she said that to you and that she expects the kids to be YOUR problem on YOUR day is just plain rude! Be strong! GOOD LUCK!
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