Nearly Disowned by my would be MOH

My FH and I are not typical people. Our wedding will reflect that and one aspect that has been drastically changed due to our quirkiness are the wedding parties. There won't be any. Instead our ceremony will incorporate everyone that will be there. My sister and would be MOH flipped her lid at this news and quit talking to me, nearly disowned both of us, and has finally come around and apologized for her behavior. Long story short there are still no wedding parties, but I'd like to find some way to "showcase" my sister and make her feel special on our wedding day. We decided that we will let her announce us at the reception, but I was trying to think of ways to set her apart from everyone else at the ceremony . Any ideas short of buying a bridesmaids dress?? Thanks for your help.

Posted On: Jul 1, 2009 at 4:23 PM | Vendors are allowed to participate

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megdalena
Community Superstar

Wedding: 05/21/2010

15 Comments | Login or Signup to post a comment!


Tonya89
Community Megastar

Married: 08/22/2009
Posted On: Jul 01, 2009 at 4:44 PM | Flag As Inappropriate
Dont you have to have someone to be your witness.?


megdalena
Community Superstar

Wedding: 05/21/2010
Posted On: Jul 01, 2009 at 4:47 PM | Flag As Inappropriate
Yeah. That's not what I meant by wedding parties. We won't have any bridesmaids or groomsmen standing up with us. There will be 30 people witnessing.

aldewitt
Community Headliner

Married: 10/17/2009
Reviews: 8
Posted On: Jul 01, 2009 at 5:14 PM | Flag As Inappropriate
I personally love the idea of not having attendants; just you and your fiancé at the alter is very romantic! I actually didn't want to have a wedding party either, but since my fiancé did we compromised with having one attendant each.
Are you guys doing programs? You could add a little "special thanks" in there about her & give her a corsage. Maybe if you guys are displaying photos include some of you and your sister together also? I personally would be satisfied with that.

Laura K.
Community Megastar

Married: 05/15/2009
Reviews: 7
Posted On: Jul 01, 2009 at 5:19 PM | Flag As Inappropriate
I think Tonya meant that in some states you have to have a person sign your marriage certificate at the ceremony as your "witness" This honor usually goes to MOH or BM. That would be one way to have her be a special person in your wedding. But depending on your state, you might not even have that as an option, I didn't in PA. You could present her with some kind of special flowers to wear at the wedding. Personally I don't think she had a right to throw a fit at you for not making her special at YOUR wedding so I don't get wanting to give in to her tantrum and reward her almost "disowning" you by giving her exactly what she wants. That's seriously rude and uncalled for that she would DEMAND special attention. Do what you want but don't feel you HAVE to do this

bay
Community Superstar

Married: 11/08/2009
Posted On: Jul 01, 2009 at 5:20 PM | Flag As Inappropriate
It's thoughtful for you to want your sister to feel special on your special day. Have you talked to her and explained there isn't a wedding party because this is what you and your FH want? Perhaps she can read something meaningful at the ceremony & maybe you can pick it out together.

Mattheus21
Community Superstar

Wedding: 08/13/2010
Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 12:43 AM | Flag As Inappropriate
Are you guys doing any kind of candle ceremony, or symbolic two families into one ceremony? If so, maybe your sister could be the one for your side of the family to do that. My fh and I probably are going to do that, having our moms light the candles, and we are going to use those to light one big candle together.

CelticChick831
Community Megastar

Married: 10/17/2009
Reviews: 7
Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 9:14 AM | Flag As Inappropriate
since you are doing the concert theme, why dot you have a microphone set up like aerosmith with the scarf and stuff and let her introduce you to everyone as Mr and Mrs. Maybe even let her still do a speach.

Wedding Harpist
Community Megastar

Margaret Sanzo Sneddon, Harpist
Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 9:25 AM | Flag As Inappropriate
Hi Megdalena,
Incorporating everyone present as witnesses is a lovely idea. It sounds like you two will have a very special and meaningful ceremony. However, it also sounds like your sister was looking forward to being your MOH. It's not surprising that she was a bit upset and disappointed. It was gracious of her to recognize that her behavior was childish and apologize. As "Bay" suggested, perhaps you could have her do a special reading of some sort. They are lots of lovely passages about marriage that might be appropriate. If you don't want a Biblical reading, Kahil Gibran's "On Marriage" is beautiful as is the Apache Blessing.
Best wishes,
Margaret Sneddon, Harpist
www.margaretsneddon.com
New York area, Westchester and the Hudson Valley


megdalena
Community Superstar

Wedding: 05/21/2010
Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 10:18 AM | Flag As Inappropriate
So, I think we have officially decided to mention her somewhere in the program, let her announce us at the reception, and if she's lucky I might ask her to come on a few of the hundred trips I'll be making to do wedding related stuff like dress shopping and craft store hopping. I'm not to excited about spending much time with her since not too long ago she was all ready to quit being my sister. We'll see, I guess. Thanks everyone for your help with this. And if you think of anything else feel free to post. The wedding is still a year out and mind changes will probably happen frequently. :D

Future Mrs.Schmidt
Community Megastar

Wedding: 08/07/2010
Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 11:09 AM | Flag As Inappropriate
Hi Megdalena! First off, everyone should respect your wishes and what not, this is your guys' day, not theirs! You can hver her read a poem or something at the ceremony, sign the marriage license, even be MC for the whole reception if thats what you are comfortable with! I feel your pain about being disowned, My sister has informed me she is no longer being a bridemaid, or even at the wedding with my nieces well, because all she could do is talk about how I was a spoiled brat and that I need to 'let go of the fact that I'm not going to have the best of the best for the wedding" And I lost it on her, she had no right to tell me what I can have not have and can afford! She didn't seem to support the wedding at all with all her anti-wedding remarks..so If she comes great! SHe is my sister and I love her and my nieces! But if not, oh well, her problem not mine! My love and hugs are sent to you!

megdalena
Community Superstar

Wedding: 05/21/2010
Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 11:46 AM | Flag As Inappropriate
Thanks Future Mrs. Schmidt. Sorry to hear about your sister being such a downer. Hugs to you too! I just now decided that we won't be putting my sisters name in the program. She hasn't done anything but cause grief and she doesn't deserve a special mention or thanks. She can announce us at the wedding and tag along to some dress shopping outings, but that is it. I'm not going to reward bad behavior, or ignore it, or give her some meaningless special thanks because it would only be a lie.

Future Mrs.Schmidt
Community Megastar

Wedding: 08/07/2010
Posted On: Jul 02, 2009 at 12:15 PM | Flag As Inappropriate
I'm glad you made a decision you are comfortable with! And thanks for the hugs and love return! By all means, you should not have to showcase your sister on YOUR day!! Good luck planning and have fun! Message me if you have any questions or concerns!

Fenella
Community Headliner

Wedding: [Private]
Posted On: Jul 04, 2009 at 3:14 AM | Flag As Inappropriate
I really think your sister felt hurt. She's probably had it in her mind that she would be your MOH when you got married and felt 'left out'.
I think talking with her, clearing the air and just telling her before the wedding she is special to you should be helpful.
I agree, giving her some sort of roll might be helpful as well, but if doesn't fit in your master plan, then she should just be happy for you and go with the flow.
If nothing else, she did apologize, so she obviously realizes this is YOUR wedding.
We all know apologizing, especially to a sibling, isn't always easy. ;-)


JJ
Community Superstar

Married: 10/17/2009
Posted On: Jul 04, 2009 at 3:25 AM | Flag As Inappropriate
Guest book signing, speech at the reception, introduction of bride and groom and families, reading at the ceremony, holding the bouquet while you exchange rings.

RevStan
Community Megastar

Specialized Wedding Services
Posted On: Jul 05, 2009 at 12:17 AM | Flag As Inappropriate
I know that what you are going through with your sister can be very unpleasant. But, she is your sister (and will always be your sister). You might wish to have her sign your license as the witness. I went to an Iowa legal website at http://usmarriagelaws.com/search/united_states/iowa/index.shtml
and found the following:
1. When you apply for your license, you'll not only need a proof of identification and age, will need to provide any information about previous marriages, and will need to pay a nominal fee. You will also need to have a witness when you sign the application, so plan on bringing your maid of honor or best man with you. The bride will need to know what her married name will be before she signs the marriage certificate. You'll have to write that name on the application.
2. Witness: You need to have one witness (over 18 years of age) with you when you apply for the license.
I'm sure you can bring your sister.
Reverend Stan
www.specializedweddings.com
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