My Parents DO NOT Support my upcoming wedding
Hello! I'm a 24 year old bride to be. My fiance is 22 almost 23 and we are getting married on October 27, 2012. My parents, especially my mother, have always been very critical, negative, judgmental, controlling people. I told my FH when we first started talking about marriage not to expect my family to be happy for us when we go engaged. And they weren't. When we told them, my daddy said I want you to wait two or three years. He also told me he didn't want me moving. He wants me to live beside him and my mother. I am moving and I am also planning on getting married in six months not three years. My fiance and I both have college degrees and jobs in our chosen fields. However, when we get married I will quit my job and become a housewife and prepare to have a family. It hurts me so bad that they are only looking at the superficial aspects and now what really matters. How do I tell them I'm getting married in six months? I dread the argument.

Married: 10/27/2012
Posted On: Apr 4, 2012 at 2:33 PM • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

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Married: 04/28/2012
Apr 04, 2012 at 2:37 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I had this reaction when I first told them about the wedding. They freaked out at first and my dad actually told me he wasnt going to be there. And that was before I told him the wedding was planned for 3 months later.
Its a tough conversation but much needed. I just brought it up, we argued and then I gave him space for a little while. He came around and is excited for me now.
Praying that happens with you too =\

Married: 07/04/2013
Apr 04, 2012 at 2:40 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
My mother is very critical as well. She doesn't want me to get married yet, nor does she want me to move. I am getting married in August and my mother wants no part in it. I wish you the best of luck. I hope things will get better for you guys.

Married: 10/27/2012
Apr 04, 2012 at 2:40 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thanks girl! I know I'm gonna have to do the same and just "fight it out". I just can't understand how they think they can control this situation. I'm 24. I make my own decisions. I just don't see what the big deal is. People grow up and get married. It's just part of life. I couldn't imagine not being happy for my child. Especially if it was my only daughter. I wouldn't dare blow the one chance I had to plan her wedding with her.

Married: 06/16/2012
Reviews: 3
Apr 04, 2012 at 2:43 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Hello Victoria. Your parents will get over it. Especially since it seems like they don't have any legit complaints expect not being able to control you anymore.

Bring it up to them when you are emotional better prepared for drama then give them their space. Try your best to be calm and logical.
Good luck

WasSoon2BMrsSmith
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 5
Apr 04, 2012 at 2:46 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
You are an adult now, and an educated one. They forget that once upon a time only one parent worked and people were having kids in their mid 20's. You are their little girl and that's all they remember.

My dad is un-supportive, as my FH is still finishing his degree even though he is older than I am, and he is a musician. He has always managed to support himself and I have finished college and have a good full time job with benefits that isn't going anywhere. As far as I'm concerned with me being homeat 3:45 in the afternoon we will both have plenty of time to raise our kids even if he continues to play in a band at night.

They look out for you cause they want the best for you. My dad of course would prefer if I married a dr or lawyer. I would hate it. I like attention, I want my man to pay attention to me not his patients or clients 24hrs a day.

You'll be OK. Just don't count on them to finance it, and go along with your plans. good luck :) have fun.

Married: 2+ years ago
Apr 04, 2012 at 2:47 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Wow that is really a tough situation and I am so sorry that you having to experience it. Something I am learning and it is not easy is that you are an adult now who has to make choices based on what you feel is right. That is hard because we want our parents love and approval and I have struggled with the same issue of making choices based upon what my parents thought. However, your parents cannot live your life for you. You have to tell them and be strong. I made a decision that I was not going to allow my life to begin when my parents life ends. I was going to live my life now and I was going to except the consequences. Unfortunately, it is not an easy conversation, but one you will need to have. This will be your first declaration as an independent woman.

Married: 10/27/2012
Apr 04, 2012 at 2:47 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thanks Labake! The face that they don't have any legitimate complaints is what makes it hurt the worst. I could deal with the control if they had a good reason to stop me, but they don't. My family are the only people not happy for us. My fiance's family was not only estatic for us, they had been counting down the days til Jason would buy a diamond! lol I have the conversation with them over and over in my head, but then when I try to talk to them I just break down.

Married: 06/16/2012
Reviews: 3
Apr 04, 2012 at 2:58 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Amen to that Vera!

I really think they'll get over it. My mom was NOT thrilled that I was getting married. She had a picture in her head of me marrying some doctor. Not gonna happen. Even though FH has a successful career that goes beyond a lot of doctors, she still can't get over it. No one is ever good enough. Even if I did want tomarry someone who was a doctor, I'm sure he'd be in the wrong speciality.
I can't live my life for my parents because I wouldnt want my kids to live their lives for me.

She's coming around. It only took a year. I'm her only child and she wants me right by her side. Just lean on those who support you. Don't beat yourself us emotionally because parents are being negative.

Married: 04/28/2012
Apr 04, 2012 at 3:02 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Keep in mind that people are still supportive of your decision. And it seems like their reasoning is more for them not wanting to let go.
I'd say unless they had a legit reason to not like your choice, it will pass. =]

Married: 2+ years ago
Apr 04, 2012 at 3:02 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Amen to that Labake O.

Married: 10/27/2012
Apr 04, 2012 at 3:06 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thanks girls! I've already argued with them so much over the past 20 some years I'm burnt out on it. I'm a good kid. I've never drank or done drugs. I'm a faithful church goer, and I can't wait to join my fiance's church after we're married. We both knew from the beginning that the Lord is the one who brought us together. Our relationship it nothing we've had to force and it's not a "well we've been together so long I guess we should get married" situation. Even though we have been together for two years. Based on the way my parents have acted so far, I've almost come to the conclusion that I'm gonna go about my planning and if they want to be a part of it then they can ask me about my plans, including the date. If I were a parent I'd probably be just as if not more excited than the bride. But then again, that's the difference in me and my mom. My parents just make things so difficult for me. I really think they enjoy it too.

Married: 07/31/2010
Reviews: 5
Apr 04, 2012 at 3:36 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I'm thinking there has to be a little more to this? If what you've said is true, you're parents sound more than a bit weird. What, exactly, are their reasons for you to wait? There has to be some opposition to the wedding other than they are simply opposed to the wedding. Why do you say they are "critical, negative, and judgemental?" How does that play into planning a wedding? Are these words to describe how they feel towards your FH?

Married: 10/27/2012
Apr 04, 2012 at 3:46 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Michele: You're asking the same questions I am. That's why this is so hurtful and hard to understand. Those adjectives aren't used to describe anyone but my parents. They are that way in general of everybody and everything. They just automatically assume every person is a bad person. The don't follow the whole "benefit of the doubt" rule. It will play into my wedding plans because my mother will be trying to get everything her way. For example: the dress SHE wants me to wear, the colors SHE likes, the venue SHE likes, etc. They like my fiance. My daddy told me before we got engaged that he didn't care if I married him and when we announced our engagement he told my FH he loved him. As for a real reason why I should wait...in my opinion they don't have one, except for the superficial like I mentioned before. They want us to have a house to move into, they don't want me moving away, they want us to be 4 or 5 years older, they don't want me going to his church. That's all they've said.

Married: 10/27/2012
Apr 04, 2012 at 3:48 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
It's a control issue. They are refusing to realize that they have to let go and refusing to see that it's killing me. Nor do I believe they really care about my feelings anyway.

Married: 10/05/2013
Apr 04, 2012 at 3:48 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Victoria, as a parent the hardest thing to do is to let go of your child, we sometimes forget our children are old enought to make their own decisons. Deep down in their hurts I bet they want the best for you. I'm not condoning their reaction because I know it's hurtful to you. I read that you are a "faithful church goer".... If you have confessed that Jesus is your Lord and or you are in the begining of your walk with Christ, let that give you peace! All you can do is continue with your plans to get marred to a man who is going to be faithful as well in his walk with you. "Through Christ All Things Are Possible". Keep your family in prayer as well as your situation and you will be fine. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Married: 06/16/2012
Reviews: 3
Apr 04, 2012 at 3:49 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Victoria I have to ask- Are you or your parents immigrants?

Married: 10/27/2012
Apr 04, 2012 at 3:50 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thank You Daisy! My faith is the only thing that has gotten me where I am today and I know the Lord will see me through :)

Married: 2+ years ago
Apr 04, 2012 at 3:50 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Well said Daisy C.

Married: 10/27/2012
Apr 04, 2012 at 3:50 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Labake O....No! We are all American born citizens :)

Married: 06/16/2012
Reviews: 3
Apr 04, 2012 at 3:55 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Omg I always just told myself that my parents are immigrants and don't understand the culture. :/
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