Mother not attending wedding!!
My mother is not attending our wedding, nor my sister or step father should I go through with it or hold off??

Married: 2+ years ago
Posted On: Dec 7, 2011 at 6:20 PM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

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MrsO
Married: 05/05/2012
Reviews: 6
Dec 07, 2011 at 6:25 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Need more information. Why is it that they are not attending?

ashlee
Married: 01/28/2012
Reviews: 12
Dec 07, 2011 at 6:25 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
what is the reason they aren't attending? I mean, is it something easily fixed (finances / travel) or is it an issue with the wedding in general?

Married: 09/21/2013
Dec 07, 2011 at 6:25 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Im sorry to hear that! I would consider the reason they are not attending before making your decision. If it is a personal reason between you guys then you may just have to accept that they decided not to come. :-( and just go ahead with your big day. If it was a prior engagement or something that I would consider holding off and changing dates if at all possible. Hope this helps!

6 years later
Married: 12/01/2012
Reviews: 6
Dec 07, 2011 at 6:27 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Sometimes you can't live for others and you really need to live for yourself, but then there are situations where you might really need that family support.

Without disclosing your whole life story, unless you want to, can you tell us more?

Married: 10/22/2011
Reviews: 13
Dec 07, 2011 at 6:28 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
yeah, I don't think we can help here without a bit more information.
Why have they decided to not come?

Married: 2+ years ago
Dec 07, 2011 at 7:04 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Long story short....After my son was born we had a rough patch ( REALLY ROUGH PATCH) we're we fought a lot and I ended up moving out and back home with my parents when my son was 6 months just to give us some space but we we're still together just living in separate homes.

My mom took it upon herself to answer my phone one day when I was outside walking in the yard with my son and it was my FH ( they exchanged words) things got heated he say some really rude things to her and in return she lashed out at him back. Since then he has apologized and she won't accept it. He's not allowed on her property and she really strongly dislikes him.

This is my mom and her opinion is lingering in the back of my head but I also feel like all of this could have been avoided if she had never picked my phone up and started this whole feud.

But I commend him for calling her that following days and trying to apologize, as far as my sister and step father they are taking her side

Married: 09/22/2012
Dec 07, 2011 at 7:11 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I'm sorry to hear you are having to go through this! I wish I had some great advice for you, but I really don't.

Married: 2+ years ago
Dec 07, 2011 at 7:18 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I love my mom but I need my son to grow up in a stable home with both parents and she's making me choose!! U only get one mom

MrsO
Married: 05/05/2012
Reviews: 6
Dec 07, 2011 at 7:21 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
That is a tough situation, and ultimately no one can make the decision except for you. You know your family best and your relationship with them. Your date is almost a year away, what are the chances that she will get over this and give in by then? Is she a stubborn type of person? If she doesn't get over this, how important is it for her to be there on your wedding day? I don't know your mother, but a year is a long time to hold that grudge and refuse to attend your daughters wedding. If she doesn't give in a year, do you think she will ever support the marriage? Will you be postponing your wedding for something that will never happen? Is your FH definitely the one and are you willing to marry him even if you don't have your family's support?

I really don't think anyone can make the decision except for you, however I think you should really consider all those questions.

Married: 2+ years ago
Dec 07, 2011 at 7:25 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
She is not getting over this period!! She prays that we break up but before I moved home they were great...and its already been a year since this happened...just tired of it all!!

I love him, I would have never agreed to marry him if he wasn't the one and if this wasn't right! He asked a year and a half ago and I said no because the timing was wrong but now everything is falling apart with my mother and its making me question although my heart says Marry this man :(

MrsO
Married: 05/05/2012
Reviews: 6
Dec 07, 2011 at 7:25 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Kayla, although yes, it is great for a child to have a stable home with both parents. HOWEVER, you said yourself that you guys went through a "REALLY ROUGH PATCH" while living together. A single parent home is better for a child than a home with both parents when they are constantly fighting. I'm not telling you not to marry your FH. Your last post just gives off the vibe of only marrying your FH because you want your son to have both his mom and his dad. I don't know what your plans are, but I would recommend living with your FH again before the wedding to make sure that you guys can have a healthy relationship while living together with a child.

2d Bride ®
Married: 10/06/2009
Reviews: 12
Dec 07, 2011 at 7:29 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Honestly, I would wait. Three members of your family seriously disliking him, to the point of refusing to attend the ceremony, is kind of a red flag to begin with. And needing your son to grow up in a stable home with both parents is not a great reason for getting married. Your son will be much better off in a stable home with one parent than in a home with a father unstable enough to get you to move back home, and to get both parents to seriously dislike him.

If you also love the father, you could still get married later on. But don't be in a panic to get married right away, in this volatile situation.

Married: 2+ years ago
Dec 07, 2011 at 7:40 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
That's not soely my reason for getting married. @ 2d Bride...and we don't constantly fight! It was one major issue that neither one of us could get over! We've both sat down with our pastor for regular sessions and everything has worked out.

We have been under the same roof for over a year now...no fighting, arguing ( with the exception of fighting over who drunk the last juice or who's clothes were left in the bathroom) Like I said it's been well over a year since this whole situation and I don't really value anyone's opinion but my mom is is stubborn and stuck in her ways.


@ 2d Bride I'm not simple minded nor naive I know that wanting my child in a stable environment not only means to marry someone but shield him for any kind of hurt or pain ( my reason for leaving when things got crazy). And I'm not in a panic to get married right away...We could have eloped but I opt'd to share this moment with our family and friends.

MrsO
Married: 05/05/2012
Reviews: 6
Dec 07, 2011 at 7:44 PM • 
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Hidden On: Dec 07, 2011 at 7:44 PM


krisalicious
Married: 04/28/2012
Dec 07, 2011 at 9:55 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I'd want to know what your mom is like. Is she level-headed and slow to anger, so this is very out of character for her? Or is she a drama llama with a list of grudges?

If she tends to be a dramatic overreacter, and you are sure this is the man you want to marry, I would proceed with your plans. Just plan with your mental state in mind - will you be able to enjoy a big white wedding if those family members aren't there?

However, if your mom is usually a level-headed good judge of character, it would be a big enough red flag to make me wait a while before doing anything.

Good luck.

Married: 2+ years ago
Dec 07, 2011 at 11:30 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
No she is very drama llama ( cute way of putting it) I'm 21 and when I had my son ( who is 18 months) she made a huge deal in the doctors office " Omg ya'll are so irresponsible, your such a failure" so on and so forth. Left me crying when I should have been happy.

My sister is also has a 2 yr old son she's 27 and got the praising of a lifetime. My mom makes a difference in her girls, she tries not to but she sometimes shows favoritism in our kids as well. She never like anyone that we bring home ( which is barely anyone) everyone is out to hurt me or I'm so naive and to open hearted. Long story short no one is any good in her eyes

krisalicious
Married: 04/28/2012
Dec 07, 2011 at 11:50 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Wowza.

So, you said your mom and her opinions were lingering in your head. Obviously it's going to hurt if your mother boycotts your wedding. But at the end of the day, only you know what your relationship is like, and only you know if your mother's absence at your wedding is going to ruin your day, and whether or not you should proceed.

I guess I still hesitate b/c of your sister and stepfather. On one hand, I can see why your stepfather feels the need to stand by his wife in this, especially if your FH was spicy with her. But why would your sister stay away? That kind of seems like a red flag to me.....

IDK. It's a tough situation. I hope you work through it.

Married: 2+ years ago
Dec 08, 2011 at 12:02 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I personally feel like things are out of control with those three....I just pray about it and hope they have a change of heart but as of now I'm moving ahead with our plans and our family :)

Or Maybe I'll have the change or heart.....Just going to let itself play out

Thanks ladies!!
Edited On: Dec 08, 2011 at 12:04 AM

Married: 12/31/2011
Reviews: 5
Dec 08, 2011 at 1:30 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
No matter what the back story is, this is YOUR day, don't let her take your joy! I am in the same boat with my mother and I couldn't care less if she came or not because as long as my FH shows up and says I do, then my day will be perfect.

Abiti
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 2
Dec 08, 2011 at 1:44 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
aww im sorry you are going through this. I see that your wedding is in Oct. between now and then I think you have enough time to try and makes things work. i agree with what Kris said. Perhaps maybe you should try to talk to mom first and calm her down and then one day meet with FH and mom and have them talk about what happened. its unfortunate. good luck
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