Just found out I'm not getting a shower.....Is my mom right? UPDATE
She just happen to casually mention to me on the phone that my Aunt called to RSVP and wanted to know if I was having a shower. My mom told her it was "innapropriate" since this is my second marriage. I didn't know there was a rule about that? My aunt was just as confused. I'm not close with my mom's family because of all the bickering and drama, but it turns out my mom is the one who doesn't want me to have one. I didn't think I would care...but now I feel a little bit hurt. My coworkers are throwing me a batchelorette party because they felt so bad I wasn't going to have one of those either.

Should I talk to my mom about maybe having one? Or is 29 and second marriage really innapropriate? I feel bad for FH mom, sister and aunts that I KNOW would want to come and celebrate his marriage.

Would be suggesting a "garden" party be cute and low cost if his family wants to have one? We are in desperate need of plants and landscaping for our house.

Married: 06/23/2012
Reviews: 5
Edited On: May 6, 2012 at 10:00 AM
Posted On: May 5, 2012 at 9:59 PM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate0 likes

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FMC
Married: 06/02/2012
Reviews: 13
May 05, 2012 at 10:02 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Whatever. Does your mother know that's its 2012?

Married: 06/23/2012
Reviews: 5
May 05, 2012 at 10:04 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
lol NO. She is very conservative...and old fashioned. And she has some serious issues with her family. I was told we are NOT to ask them for ANYTHING wedding help related. Blah =( I really hoped I was past caring about this petty crap. It's not like I need their gifts or attention.

Married: 03/12/2012
Reviews: 1
May 05, 2012 at 10:07 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
See about your FH's side or your BMs throwing you a shower than? IDK, I don't think it's a big deal. This is my first marriage and I didn't have a shower, because of scheduling issues and not having anywhere to stockpile home stuff until we get our own place. It's 2012, do what fits for you. I'm not a fan of having a shower just as another "you" day, but if other people want to have one for you to celebrate go for it!

Wedding: 09/02/2017
May 05, 2012 at 10:07 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
see if FH's mom would want to throw you one... The last wedding I went to thats what happened and the ladies were awesome! Her FH's mom had 4 boys and this was the last to get married so she loved it!

Stephanie
Married: 06/09/2012
Reviews: 7
May 05, 2012 at 10:10 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I think it depends what is the norm where you live/what your family thinks is normal. Where I come from it is looked down upon as being greedy if you have one for your second marriage. However, some other places it is customary to have one for any wedding. Just do what you want to do.

Married: 09/08/2012
Reviews: 7
May 05, 2012 at 10:13 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
This is my 2nd marriage as well and I think its considered gift greedy to expect another shower. Just my opinion.

Married: 03/12/2012
Reviews: 1
May 05, 2012 at 10:22 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I do think it does depend on your family and location. However it is your FH's first so his family might want to do a shower for the two of you just for the experience. Not quite the same, but where I'm from you only get a baby shower for your first child. And second marriages don't normally get showers either.

Married: 06/09/2012
Reviews: 1
May 05, 2012 at 10:43 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
This is my second marriage. I didn't have a wedding the first time, so there was no shower. This time around I am having a wedding and my sisters are giving me a shower.

keli716
Married: 09/08/2012
Reviews: 5
May 05, 2012 at 10:46 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I am in the same boat as Kimberly. My first wedding was a court house wedding, no family, no reception, nothing. This time I am doing the whole 9 yards and my FMIL is throwing me a shower, but only because my only family in Michigan is my mom, so she doesn't really know anyone.

I agree with the other ladies, if your mom wont do it have FH talk to his family.

dfger
Married: 05/22/2012
May 05, 2012 at 10:50 PM • 
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KitCat
Married: 08/25/2012
May 05, 2012 at 10:51 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I can't help but wonder why it would be "looked down upon" or "greedy." I could understand that if the bride was to throw the showers herself. That Is inappropriate. But if someone close to you chooses/insists on throwing a shower, how can that be reflected poorly on the bride. If anything, it should reflect positively that they would care so much for you they would want to do this. It is far too modern an era to declare showers in poor taste for multiple marriages. I did not have a shower/bach party for my first wedding. We were all so young. I didn't expect either this time, though my MOH is insisting on throwing each. If somebody wants to throw you a shower, your mother is always welcome to decline attending if she finds it so inappropriate.

Married: 06/16/2012
May 06, 2012 at 1:13 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
My FH's mom offered to throw me one the second she heard we was engaged! I turned her down because she offered to either throw me a shower or give me $1000.00 towards the wedding. I thought that I would get more use out of the money with the wedding. I am 43 and he 45, We have been together for 5 years, FH built our house, I had a houseful of stuff when i got with him and have accquired so much stuff, that we need to get RID of things. lol

Wedding: [Private]
May 06, 2012 at 1:16 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Okay.. I'll bite.... If your mom isn't throwing you one, then I can see her saying no. So it's your second marriage. I'm entering my 2nd marriage and I'm only 23. (loooong story filled with lots of drama) I don't even know if I want a shower. But if your mom's family WANTS to help YOU, it's not for your mother to decide that. They need to talk to you, the bride.

Sorry for coming off harsh.... but I think if someone wants to throw you a shower, then they can.

Married: 07/01/2012
May 06, 2012 at 1:32 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I am older than you and this will be my second marriage. I am having a shower due to my personal preference no bachelorette party. Its my first wedding along with my FH's. Yes I am doing a big formal wedding but its what I want and I want to have for my FH. I didn't stress if I didn't get a shower but my sister(MOH) wanted to throw me one.

Married: 12/11/2013
Reviews: 6
May 06, 2012 at 2:25 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
What is the deal with the moms lately...I am going to pray for you. Its seems likes moms are so picky about everything that has to do with they're daughters' wedding. I say if someone wants to throw you one, and you are ok with it, I say go for it. This is my first wedding and I hope to have some fun before the big day! I wish you luck o your decision.

Wedding: 11/15/2014
May 06, 2012 at 8:04 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
See idk. I can SEE having one since you're getting married.... cause in a divorce you don't typically get everything, plus this is a new marriage for him as well, so do a Couple shower/engagement party... im kinda on the fence, cause if my friend that is divorced got remarried and had a shower.. i'd be like.. REALLY!? WHY? My sister keeps trying to get me to have a shower cause i've never had one... thats her argument... but i said NO. cause i don't people to think its a gift grab. talk to your mom.... tell her its not her wedding and you want one... if you want one do it.

Married: 06/02/2012
May 06, 2012 at 9:12 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I agree with Trista Y. And on her defense I dont think she meant that if someone wants to throw you a shower you were being a greedy bride but to expect and get mad cause you dont is being one. Im not having one I dont want one. Ive been on my own for few years now. I bought my own 3 years ago I have everything I NEED so a shower for FH and I is pointless. I know why some people do them and agree with it when the couple don't live together yet or are just renting a small place and plan to move into a bigger home and start a family. But these days IN 2012 FAMILIES start before marriage, and home buying as well. This is FH and my first marriage but I dont see a need in a shower. We have been living together for over a year now. If someone wants to throw you one embrace it but if you dont then no big deal get over it your getting married to a man you love what more do you need?

Married: 06/23/2012
Reviews: 5
May 06, 2012 at 9:46 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Ok, well thank you ladies for all of your insight. Here is my backstory. I was married (practically eloped) at 20. My family barely aknowledged it on my moms side. No shower, batchelorette party, gifts or money...just a few cards. FH is the oldest and the only one to have a formal wedding of his siblings. His family has always treated me more like family than my own. I feel that it would probably be better to just let the whole thing go with my family. If my FMIL wants to bring it up then I will discuss it with her...but I don't want to ask for gifts or money (or appear that I am). FH and I own a home together and almost EVERYTHING in it is mine from my previous marriage or I bought with my own money after I left my ex. I'm not kidding. I kind of want to start over with a REAL wedding, and do all the official wedding things this time around. I never got any of that before. Any ideas on NON present showers we could suggest? How about a garden (plant) party? BYO Herb? lol

Wedding: [Private]
May 06, 2012 at 9:47 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I think people in general get way to picky over this stuff. If you want one, have one.
I also think that people focus on the gifts, I do know that its expected at showers but in my family its just a way of congratulating the couple and finding out if they need help with anything. We're pretty casual about it tho.

Married: 07/20/2012
Reviews: 14
May 06, 2012 at 9:49 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
have your sister & aunts throw the shower. there is no law that says your mom does it. my bridesmaid & MOH are throwing my shower. i had them add in my mom after the fact to cut cost & she ended up providing the big cost of the food. actually my whole family is pitching in. In this case if mom's is so against it she doesn't have to come or let her know she is not obligated to give you a gift. The shower is more than just gifts. we are having a co-ed shower because we want to share & have fun with our closest friends & family. For us that is reallly what its about. eating, talking & having fun. gifts are an extra bonus.
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