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Um, that sounds like a logistical nightmare where a lot of noses could get well put out of joint. I am glad you are taking some time to think this one through.
** No offence meant by my response, I just think this is one of those things that could bite you hard if you went through with it IMO

yeah i am really worried about it. thank you for your help...so then i would be straight up with his parents about the extra celebration.

Yes, I would be honest Bride2be, best way to be, just talk to them, tell them that this isn't something you do on a regular basis and you want to let 'loose'. It is your wedding day and I bet they would understand. Just because some people don't drink doesn't mean they are prudes to those that do :) Good Luck!

I think it's doable but definately DO NOT put anything on the invite. Word of mouth is the way to go. You can spread the word at the wedding that you are going to XXX place for the "afterparty" and let whoever wants to go come with.

after party is ok by word of mouth or just an email closer to the date...maybe a separate evite would be ok?

Have the official wedding ceremony and reception. Then have an after party. Everyone should be invited to the after party as to not hurt any feelings or prevent anyone from accidentally mentioning it to anyone who wasn't invited. Those who are interested will come, those who are not will call it a night, congratulate you on your wedding and go home. If I were in their shoes I would rather have the invitation extended out to me (and I would politely decline) - than to find out you were having a secret party that I wasn't supposed to find out about.
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They may disapprove of your decision to go out drinking, but you can't spend your whole life trying to meet others expectations. Someone will always be unhappy. Hopefully they will appreciate your decision to have a non-drinking reception they can participate in and feel comfortable at. It's a good compromise and I would hope they would acknowledge that.

I completely agree with RBG. Inviting some and not others will most certainly offend some people. An invitation to all is a must. The ones who want to go will and the ones who don't won't. But at least no one will be offended. You can include the afterparty in your invitations or spread the word at the reception...whichever works for you.

Just because your fiance's family doesn't drink, do you know that they would be offended by those that do? I would talk to your FH and FMIL (depending on how close your relationship is) and get a feel for their reaction. It may not be as big of a deal as you think. If it is, then an after-party sounds like the way to go, however, I would definitely be open and extend the invitation to everyone.

I agree with Red Butte Garden. An after party is just that...& most people would infer that there would be drinking. So, the ones that want to continue regardless of alcohol will come, and the others can leave. One of my cousins had the same issue & did it this way...everything worked out just fine. Our side of the family was the crazy, have fun, let loose kind...his bride's family was not. Good luck!!

I agree with RBG completely. I have the same issue with my family (non drinkers) and his family (heavy drinkers). We're having the reception at the church so that we're prohibited from having alcohol. That cuts down on any confusion about it. We're not doing any sort of after party because we're leaving for our honeymoon that night....we'll have our own after party with fruity drinks on the ship!

agreed with rbg. invite everyone, but let them know what its about... and those who dont wanna come can go home. you cant make everyone happy. this is a tough one though!

ugh i keep pressing the post button before im done. lol. but im in the same situation. my family doesnt drink, not because theyre against it, just because its not their thing for some, and because one drink causes the problem of 100 drinks to others. but his family is 100% irish and alcohol happy... the last funeral in the family ended in a 3 day party with people passed out on some front lawns and scattered around the house and backyard... but we just decided no alcohol and im writing a little note in the "need to know" section of our wedding website that there will be no alcohol, but you may bring a flask or a bottle of wine at your own discretion... if that makes sense