Is it hard for kids to bond with siblings when there is a BIG age difference??
My son is almost 12 and FS and I would like to try after saying “I do” for another baby or maybe two but I’m so worry the age different between my 12 year old and the new baby(babies) might keep them from having a close bond. Will such a BIG age different affect them as siblings?




Married: 06/11/2011
Posted On: Aug 26, 2010 at 10:42 PM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

26 Comments | Login or Signup to post a comment!
«12»

Married: 10/16/2010
Aug 26, 2010 at 10:45 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
There is a 7 year gap between my brother and I, we were close when I was really young and then so so much as he got older, but now we are both grown up and have a great relationship.

Married: 09/26/2010
Reviews: 1
Aug 26, 2010 at 10:47 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
its a bond that is different and unique from those that are closer in age. Your 12 year old will be a huge help when the new one comes into your lives. he or she will be old enough to understand the need of attention that an infant has and wont be so needy of your time as would a 2 or 4 year old. I am in the middle of three girls. older one is 2 yrs older while the younger is 4 years younger. I dont remember at all playing with my baby sis when she was still a baby wish i did we have home vids but its not the same... I would have loved for my parents to adopt a baby boy or girl when the three of us girls were in our early to mid teens. Im actually kinda bummed that they didnt. so i would go for it if i were you!

Married: 09/15/2012
Aug 26, 2010 at 10:48 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I think the answer to that lies in your parenting. My brother and I are 10 years apart and we are very close. In fact I love him like my own child. I was always made a part of raising him and caring for him but never forced into it. It is a tricky balance but just remember the idea that the baby needs you more is completely false. The baby may require more hands on care but when your son needs you he needs you. Also if your FS isn't your sons father you need to make sure he understands how stressful things will be with a teenage step child and give them a chance to adjust to each other post marriage before trying to conceive. Even if they have a good relationship premarriage that can change afterward so give it some time.

Married: 09/26/2010
Reviews: 1
Aug 26, 2010 at 10:49 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
btw all three of us girls are adopted too so it would be the same for us. my sisters are just that... my SISTERS! so if they had adopted a baby would have been just the same

Married: 09/10/2011
Aug 26, 2010 at 10:50 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
My son is 15 and my daughter is 3 and they absolutely love eachother. They fight like they are close in age and absolutely love eachother at the same time. Of course they will never hang out or anything like that but they love eachother dearly. I am 34 and have a little brother that is 5. Yes thats right 5 my mom started over there are 5 in between us but he is the youngest and I am the oldest. We of course are not nearly as close as my son and daughter.

Married: 09/26/2010
Reviews: 1
Aug 26, 2010 at 10:52 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
i like how you put that @color of love! well spoken! and I stand corrected on my previous statement: " he or she will be old enough to understand the need of attention that an infant has and wont be so needy of your time"... i think it came out wrong now that i read your and my post back to back.

mynameskatie
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 6
Aug 26, 2010 at 10:55 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
My FI is 25 and his brother is 15 and he's chosen his brother to be his best man. I think if your family is close as a whole they will have a tight bond.

Married: 05/22/2011
Reviews: 6
Aug 26, 2010 at 10:55 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I sister is almost 9 years older than me and we have a great relationship. She was more of a "role model" growing up and then a mom. Now even though shes in AZ and im in CT we talk every day. My nephew is 7 and my sister waited to have another because she thought the age gap between us was perfect.

Married: 05/08/2011
Reviews: 9
Aug 26, 2010 at 11:01 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I can tell you from experience--yes!! I am the oldest of 3 children. My sister is 5 years younger than me and my brother is 6 years younger than me (I was obviously an oops. Actually, so was my brother). And our relationship is pretty strained because we've always been in totally different parts of our lives. My brother just started college and I just graduated with my masters and am getting married, for example. It's hard to have a strong bonding relationship when you are in different parts of your lives. I think as we get older it'll get easier but I also know that as a child I had a hard time because I resented having such younger siblings than everyone else because I was the "built in" babysitter. I didn't get to do a lot of things because I was always watching them. I love them to death and our relationships get better as we get older, but it's always been a little strained because of the age gap. I'm settling down and they are partying through college and getting into trouble...

Meghan
Married: 08/20/2011
Reviews: 3
Aug 26, 2010 at 11:03 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Yes. My FH and his brother are over 10 years apart, and growing up they didn't get along. FH was always the baby, until about the age of 14 or 15 when they started sharing hobbies, like fixing motorcycles.
But now, they are really close!
My only word of advice- don't expect your son to babysit unpaid because that will cause resentment.

Married: 12/12/2011
Reviews: 6
Aug 26, 2010 at 11:52 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
My brother and I have a 12 year difference, and for the longest time we were super close! Not so much any more, but it has nothing to do with the age - all of my siblings are not so close with him right now XD But yes, I can tell you that for most of my life (I'm 23) him and I were perfectly close :) It's all about how you raise your older child looking at their new younger sibling! Be honest that itll be tough, let them know what will happen, but let them see the joy in it and the friend they've gained, and how great it will be once that baby grows to an adult.

Miya
Married: 12/29/2011
Aug 27, 2010 at 12:43 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
It is not hard at all for kids to bonds even with a large age gap. My FH and his younger sister have an 11 or 12 year gap between them and they're close.

Mrs. Fields (Kalyn)
Married: 2+ years ago
Aug 27, 2010 at 3:07 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I have a brother who is 8 years younger than me and it's awesome in my opinion. We are very close I sometimes think of him more as a son and I like that I can give him some insight about life choices so that he doesn't make the same mistakes that I did :)

Married: 06/25/2011
Reviews: 9
Aug 27, 2010 at 3:41 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I can also give you my perspective, there's 12 years between my brother and I, and there are no siblings in between. My brother and I are very close, and we always have been.
Lately its been a little rough (i am now 31, and he's a silly 18 year old boy). I see him doing stupid stuff (nothing serious), and it drives me nuts. I have to try hard not to give him a hard time, as its really between our parents and him. (we have the same mum and dad, just took them a while to decide to have another after me... hehehe). I do give him my opinion though, just I try not to do it in a nagging way.
I love him so much though, and so pleased my parents decided to have a 2nd child. I'd be lost without him in my life.

Married: 06/21/2012
Aug 27, 2010 at 3:48 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
i think it could be ok as long as you rember your son is not a suedo babysitter, or parent.
if he wants to help thats great and he probably will, but he is NOT responsible for the baby.
I had a freind growing up whos parents remarried and her dad(who she was living with) and his new wife had a baby. She hardly ever got to do alot of the normal 'teenage' stuff because she was constantly watching her little sister. (and cleaning the hbuse, and doing her parents laundry. cleaing their bathroom etc)
if you still wonder, you should ask your son. hes old enough to understand what bringing a baby into the picture means.

snaps
Married: 06/11/2011
Aug 27, 2010 at 7:00 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
My brother's 12th birthday was 5 days after I was born. He was smitten with me from the beginning, and has always been the biggest fan of my life. Having the larger age gap meant that there wasn't any competition or nastiness during the teen years. I do think, now I've gotten older, that we aren't as close as other siblings (due to distance as much as age difference)...but our relationship is still healthy, loving, and supportive. :)

Married: 09/04/2010
Reviews: 5
Aug 27, 2010 at 8:24 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
My sister has a 12 year old boy, a 9 year old girl and a 2 week old boy!! My nephew doesn't really want too much to do with the baby, he loves him but thinks he is boring right now, but he does say how he wants to teach him video games and stuff when he is older!! My niece always wants to feed and hold the baby and be close to him. The older kids are from my sisters first marriage, the baby is with her fiance, so they are "half" siblings. I think even with a big age difference, kids can be close, and if they aren't when they are young, they will appreciate each other more as they get older. I was the youngest of 4 and didn't get along with my siblings, but now that we are all older, we are best friends!! :)

Married: 09/24/2011
Reviews: 9
Aug 27, 2010 at 8:26 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
My sister is 18 years older than me (different marriages) and she was more like a second mom to me at times. Now, we are very close.

ladylee
Married: 06/05/2010
Aug 27, 2010 at 8:45 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I don't think there's any cookie cutter answer. My sister and I are 1 year apart and then our brother is 9 years younger than me (so 10 years younger than my sister). My brother and sister have always been extremely close. I on the other hand hated him b/c I was the baby for 9 years and then here he comes. Nobody discussed it with me lol. So I grew up literally hating this kid who in all actuality had done nothing to me. I think he was about 14 when I finally forgave him for being born. We have an alright relationship now but nowhere near as close and he and my sister are.

Married: 10/14/2010
Reviews: 1
Aug 27, 2010 at 9:05 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I have a brother who is 11 years younger than me and I was like his second Mommy. We have an incredible bond. If you want more babies, go for it!
Login or Signup to post a comment!
«12»

Topics

Vow of Conduct