All Forums

congrats on the wedding. My thought is that you should wait untill after the wedding and after high school to have a baby. There is a lot of stress that happens while planing a wedding not to mention finishing school with finals. I personaly think that the two of you should enjoy eachother as husband and wife or awhile before you have kids. Please don't think that I'm putting you or your FH down or that I am trying to say that you two can't be parents becaues I'm not. I'm just saying wait.

I personally think that you are WAY too young to be getting married at the age of 17. Im not sure if you have heard this from your parents but at this age, you are still getting to know yourself and it is very difficult to finish school after you are married. I am still in school and I can tell you it has been hard to plan it. If you are going to get married, at least wait to have a baby until after you finish school, because if you don't finish school what kind of example would you be setting for a kid? anyway, I also think that guys are especially immature and you want to make sure what he expects of you as a wife before you get married. The best of luck.

well yes that is our plan were getting married after i complete high school. I was just wondering about being pregnant at the wedding... and if people thought it was tacky or stuff like that and what not.

First of all congrats!
& It doesnt matter what anyone else thinks. its about how you and your fiance feel about it. but personally if i were 17 again i would wait until after i graduated to have a baby. I'm 21 and couldnt be more excited to have kids, but at the same time theres alot that needs to be accomplished and alot of responsibility that gets thrown in with a kid. I dont think you should let other people shoot you down for your age, whehter its about getting married or having a child. Your getting married, and youve made a very mature decision to wait until after you graduate to have the wedding. Get married, go and do things with your FH then talk about having kids, your young theres no reason to rush it!

Hi Stephanie congrats on the wedding
I applaud you both for waiting until you graduate to get married. it shows real maturity and a desire to make good choices :-)

A few thoughts to your question about children right away...
Children are wonderful but don't forget they add expenses i suggest that you wait until you both have steady jobs and a little nest egg saved up then begin to expand your family.
Also, having children will change your lives in a major way AGAIN (getting married is the first big change). Make sure you both have a good rhythm and excellent communication with each other prior to adding this dynamic. You will need to be a good support system for each other.

Just my opinion would be to give yourselves at least 1 year then go for it... of course you can practice as often as you like during that year ;-)

Good Luck with everything.

one more suggestion - If the need is that great then you can always consider volunteering at the boys and girls club, school mentoring, church or other organization where you can be around children.

thank you very much. I love children, I have practically raised my three younger brothers since they were tiny, and i just want to have one of my own with the man I love. But I know that i need to wait till we are financially stable and have a place to live and what not. I understand that having a baby is a big step and alot of work but I am willing to put in the work and care for the baby.

ha ha and yes practice makes perfect =]
lol

I'm 5 months pregnant now and my wedding is this August. I had the sam concerns as you did, is it tacky? Most of the responses I received were no that it is not. Its more of a joy to share the moment with your husband and baby. But one thing I'm finding out is that planning for a wedding and an unexpected baby is very stressfull. I cry alot because of the hormones and trying to make things go smoothly. I did enjoy my bachlorette party but I didn't get to drink. I know your not even 21 yet to drink but you should think about enjoying your wedding with the most minimal stress as possible. Plus if your planning to be married forever then you have plenty of time to have a baby or two or ten. Really the wait will be worth it. Good Luck!

i would wait til after your married or when your a few years older I am 22 now and i really wanted kids and then i had my twin girls when i turned 19 it wasn't the way i thought it was cause now when i think about it i missed out on a lot of things when it came to my friends. so i would wait til u have finished with ur career and have ur own house and be finanial stable without any help from family.then u can stay at home and not have to work once you have your child.

FYI: posting your age and his and talking about kids right now could end your FH in jail for Rape. So you might want to rethink your postings.

I AGREE WITH ICART. NOT EVERYONE IS AS UNDERSTANDING OR REACTS THE SAME. IN MY OPINION AGE IS NOTHING BUT A NUMBER AND SOME PPL MATURE FASTER THAN OTHERS. COMMUNICATIONS AND PLANNING IS KEY!!! BUT KIDS ARE A SACRAFICE DEPENDING ON YOUR LIFESTYLE AND ARE A BIG EXPENSE. SO JUST TALK ABOUT WHAT U BOTH WANT AND HOW U WILL DEAL WITH IT MAYB JUST WAIT A YR TO SEE HOW THINGS WORK OUT THATS WHAT I PLAN TO DO. GOOD LUCK ON WHATEVER U DECIDE. EVERYONE HERE IS VERY SUPPORTIVE AND SOMETIMES WE HEAR THINGS THAT WE DNT LIKE BUT THAT ARE VERY TRUE.

Ok, hope you are still around here to receive these comments. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. I am not too far away from your age. And believe its possible to keep up a marriage it may be dificult but possbile. About the FH being considered a rapist hhmmm... very strong word for the person you love and least would expect it from. If the woman is willingly doing it I dont think its a rape. and if you have the authorization of parents to be married it also helps. About kids... HHHmmmm.. my FH and I love kids!! ADORE THEM!!! and yeah we cant wait to have one. But... you gotta see what it is that you see yourself doing in the future. High school diploma cant provide much now in days. and College or university is expensive and hard on its own. Now imagine doing the kids which is also taking time, effort, money and stress. its two hard things to deal with. I would suggest do your planning, settleing, enjoy being husband and wife atleast for a few months, maybe even prepare...

What you'll be providing for the kid. Other thing... once you have a kid you are a parent for life! best gift to have but.... gotta prepare a bit for it, just dont prepare too much where you wanna become the perfect parent cuz there is no such thing.

i sugest you wait a long while until after the wedding... get to grow as a couple first then have kids, kids do a lot of times make relationships harder to deal with especially at such a age (i know from experience). I had My daughter at 17, with that came many challenges, such as school, trying to find a job that fits in a school and baby schedule, not able to go out with friends and the list goes on! trust me get all the partying you can in now cause regardless of all the baby sitting you will be getting if any I wouldn't in the end condone handing baby off to have fun later when you realize its rough! just my thought... but in the end your choice but make sure that baby does not get negatively affected in the long run!

Congrats on your engagement!

Speaking from personal experiences, I wanted SUCH different things when I was 17 than I do now. And while I don't think that wanting a kid is bad at all, and that's what we're designed to do, I would wait a few years... Enjoy your husband, travel Europe, go to South America for a few months. Take a cruise. Sew whatever wild oats you need to sew before you have a baby. :)

Best of luck, and we'll be seeing you around the forums!

Teen pregnancy is STILL teen pregnancy even when you are married, and in your case you don't even want to wait till your married. Wait until you grow up.
I don't see anywhere in this thread where "congratulations" is appropriate....

I agree with I cart
from personal experience I was married at 18. IT so young. At the time you want what you want and no one else opinion really matters when your that young cause your going to do what you want either way. I now 10 years later KNOW i was too young to be married. We changed (grew up) now we are divorced You both still have alot of growing up to do. And if you can grow up together and your grow up to the people you still want to be with thats great but let alone adding a baby in to the mix. Enjoy each other a few years. Travel together. Enjoy married life. Then start your family. I was 23 when I had my oldest. And its fun to be able to party on your 21st birthday or go out with your friends your age who dont have kids. Your life is really just starting so enjoy it first. Then enjoy it with your kids.

For a while i was going through a phase where i wanted to baby so bad it hurt. I wen t into a really deep depression because of it. NOW i am sooo thankful i did not get pregnant. My fiance and i are having the time of our lives and realize even though i thought i was ready, i know now that i absolutely wasn't. FH and i plan to enjoy each other in our first year or so of marriage.

My advice would be just to wait it out a little bit. Enjoy being together, then being married because once you have a kid you can NEVER go back. I had even wanted to get preg like asap after the wedding but now i am going to wait even longer.... being carelss and frivolous with money and going out to dinner together and partying with our friends and being able to just do whatever we want with out any ties has been the most fun i have had in my life!

On the rape comment: Check your state laws. The ages vary per state, but if an man older than 18 has sex with a girl under 18, then it can violate state laws. It's called statutory rape, even if it is 100% consensual (both partners are willing). Once again, though, check your state laws for the ages, as it ranges between states.