I'm curious how involved your misters are in the planning..
A few days after the engagement, while eating cheesecake, I suddenly asked him what kind of cake he wanted. He looked at me and said 'come on, erin!' I later learned that he expected we'd be engaged for several months before even thinking about planning a wedding that will take place in a few years (I'm nearly 30 now and need to get this wedding done so I can put my eggs to good use). He told me to plan the whole thing by myself but disagrees with everything I decide and gets upset when I make plans without him. Are your men helping? Do you like their ideas?

minnow
Married: 10/15/2011
Posted On: Jan 10, 2011 at 12:54 AM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

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Married: 06/25/2011
Jan 10, 2011 at 1:00 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
my guy doesn't help AT ALL. I asked him about planning together and leaving out the middle man and he said no way. you do this. every now and then i will ask what he thinks and i try to mix it in with what i want. this is all a big pain in the ass to him but he will appreciate it when he sees what ive done and turns into a big softy and cries

Married: 08/13/2011
Reviews: 6
Jan 10, 2011 at 1:03 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
my man is pretty helpful. He has even attended a few bridal expos with me. Ultimately though he said to choose whatever i want.

Private User
Married: 2+ years ago
Jan 10, 2011 at 2:03 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Man are not into this as we are. To tell you the truth, my FH was not intrested in starting anything when we first got engaged, he keep saying are you serious, you need to do this now, we have 2 years. I sat him down and I ask him what he wants, I told him how important it was to start collecting ideas, start our budget so we know what we need to look for and when we can start. He agreed, so we at least did our budget and started looking for things around August, i actually started looking at venues myself and teling him what I've found. To my surprise, he ask "why are you visiting venues by yourself?" I said I wasn't sure if you'd be interested, ever since he's been very helpfull. Although, there's a few things when I mentioned, he's like "no, no way" that's totally up to you, I don't want nothing to do with that.


You need to talk to him and tell him how you feel about this. This is a good time for you guys to work together and compromise. It's good practice

Married: 06/16/2012
Jan 10, 2011 at 2:10 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
My FH is pretty involved. We just attended a weekend-long bridal expo, we talk about colors and dresses, he's contacting the restaurant for one of our parties, I'd say we're in it about 60-40. 60 being me.

MelKel
Married: 05/23/2010
Reviews: 5
Jan 10, 2011 at 2:12 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
my advice-
pick your favorite 3 things in every catagory. then have him pick the final winner. that way he can't get it wrong since you like all options you present and he feels involved.

Married: 04/07/2011
Jan 10, 2011 at 2:15 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
He's so involved it's not funny. He wanted say over everything from the venue-the colors-the tuxes-the cake-the dj...The only things he seems to be meh about is the flowers and the dresses.

Married: 08/06/2011
Reviews: 9
Jan 10, 2011 at 3:02 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I so love my man....Mine listens, voices an opinion, and helps when I ask him to help. He drove me to Boise (from Portland, OR) when I wanted to go see a dress. He thought it would be fun to road trip and indeed it was! I put him in charge of finding the DJ and the officiant and so far, we have a DJ booked. The officiant is a family friend whom we have yet to ask but feel pretty good about.

Married: 09/29/2012
Jan 10, 2011 at 3:25 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Mine is the typical "you pick and i'll say if i like it" but every now and then he'll come up with an idea out of the blue, and its an amazing idea that i LOVE. So i do most of the planning but he has his moments :)

Married: 05/11/2011
Reviews: 2
Jan 10, 2011 at 5:36 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Heather W- Our FH's must be long lost brothers haha

Married: 11/20/2010
Jan 10, 2011 at 6:23 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Honestly, here's my advice. You have the freedom to plan, without interference, that can be a blessing . I would run the ideas by him, as a veto opportunity, if he says okay, go ahead and order the cake you want, etc, if he vetoes an idea, ask him what alternative he wants.

Married: 07/16/2011
Reviews: 5
Jan 10, 2011 at 6:54 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I'm a guy and I am helping a lot. For example, yesterday we went to a bridesmaid's house and handmade our paper invitations (half our invites are paper and half are digital). I worked out the layout and fonts for the text and then sat in front of football with her husband tying ribbons that were glued to the card.

All-in-all I have been a very involved groom I'd say. I there are two keys:

1. Groom has to be interested in helping.
2. Bride has to be open to giving up her specific vision of the wedding and be open to his ideas (for example, it took Rachel a while to come around to my save the dates that I designed, but she loves them now).

We can all acknowledge that the societal default is that the bride is in charge, and that hasn't changed much. But if the groom feels like he can be self expressed, then I think he'll step up and have fun with the wedding (other than on the wedding night).

Hope that helps!

Wedding: 09/07/2014
Jan 10, 2011 at 6:59 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
my FH is somewhat involved. he will willingly (without interruption) let me ramble on about my ideas and occasionally voice his, but for the most part im planning it and hes ok with it as long as its not too pricey.

Ab
Married: 10/29/2011
Jan 10, 2011 at 7:18 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
my FH isn't really involved; but that's mainly because we are in separate countries for the time being and in Venezuela they don't do the whole big thing, typicaly ceremony, then hanging out at someone's home..So it' more that he is clueless lol, he usually says, if you think it's fine, thats fine. The only thing he's had a major opinion on was not having a limo and staying within budget..He too was like "oh why do we need to plan so early??" But I think as I called around to some venues and our date was taken he started to get the point that these things are planned way ahead of time..Once my FH comes here for good I think he will get more involved. I think it's pretty normal for brides to hop to it right after they get engaged!

Married: 09/24/2011
Reviews: 9
Jan 10, 2011 at 8:11 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
My "mister" is very involved. He went to bridal shows with me. He has visited EVERY vendor with me. Helped in designing the STDs, custom invites with JLam, etc. He literally knows every detail. He even helped me fold scrapbook paper when I was making the DIY cocktail stirrers for the sangria table. He's awesome...and not at all effeminate.

Michelle
Married: 09/03/2011
Reviews: 5
Jan 10, 2011 at 8:21 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
mine is ALL over the place.. he'll help and give ideas, then when we go back to finalize something it's 'I didn't say that, I said this', and want the EXACT opposite from what we'd talked about earlier! ie: we are doing wedding cupcakes... he said no to a top tier cutting cake... then when we were drawing up the diagram he's like 'where's the cutting cake?' lol.. I love him, but he drives me nuts with planning! haha

Zebra_Print_Bride™
Wedding: 02/14/2015
Jan 10, 2011 at 8:26 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
At first my FH wasn't involved at all and he got aggravated quick over all the decisions I tried to get him to help with. But over the last three months he's gotten very active and involved in the planning and decisions and is very excited. He just told me yesterday that we are missing something in the centerpieces and should add flowers. Now, everything i do i run by him and he yays or nays the idea and sometimes voices alternatives. I heart that man lol.

Ab
Married: 10/29/2011
Jan 10, 2011 at 8:30 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
@at Zebra, that's too cute lol.!

Married: 05/05/2012
Jan 10, 2011 at 8:53 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
My man told me to tell him where and what time he should show up. lol. He was joking but also serious in some ways. I asked if he wanted to be part of the planning and he said his part is paying. I agreed. lol

Married: 10/08/2011
Jan 10, 2011 at 9:06 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
mine listens to my ideas, but we have really similar tastes on what we want for the wedding so I just make the decisions, which I prefer lol. His biggest concern, of course, is when the cake and food tastings are haha.

Kimi k.
Married: 04/14/2012
Jan 10, 2011 at 9:21 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Mine just says, "Whatever you want honey". I'm paying for the wedding and he's paying for the honeymoon (we are having a small wedding, and I'm crafty....so no, I'm not getting screwed in this one!!). I pick something and show it to him and he says, "Are you sure that's you? Or is that something that the girls (BM'S) told you they liked" He wants it to be everything I've ever wanted. He's supportive when he needs to be, but other than that, he lets me do what I want!
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