how to tell a MOH she is no longer wanted as a bridesmaid
A really good friend i had asked to be my MOH when i became engaged, has fallen into the bitter side of life. She is not being helpful at all for my wedding, the first dress i picked she opposed cause it was not what she would normally wear, she has even commented to other BM's "how ugly is the hideous dress" . So i choose another dress 5 months ago which she has not even spared 5 mins to have a look at. She only wants to organise the bachelorette party. Is this the only thing a MOH should be doing.

So my question to people is how to tell her that i dont want her as a BM any more? i have read alot of these posts and still havent encountered something this hard. i live in sydney australia, and have a BM coming from Nevada for it, i cant use the money excuse or the fact she does not live local to me.

Please can somebody help me??

Married: 07/15/2011
Posted On: Feb 11, 2011 at 8:43 PM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

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Alannah
Married: 06/25/2011
Feb 11, 2011 at 8:47 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
You just have to be up front about it tell her how you feel and let her know its either help you and be supportive or your going to have to let her go. If it's easier for you maybe send her an email or something.

Married: 11/11/2011
Reviews: 5
Feb 11, 2011 at 8:59 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Maybe don't kick her off yet, just scold her and say she needs to step it up and suck it up or you will have to kick her off. If she fights it, then she's off, if she doesn't then maybe she'll help more and turn her attitude around.

Mai
Married: 05/01/2011
Reviews: 7
Feb 11, 2011 at 9:05 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
The wedding plans have to be around the bride and groom. YOU are the VIP on your special day...DO AS YOU WANT!!!!
Make sure you and FH are happy...good luck!

Married: 09/10/2011
Reviews: 1
Feb 11, 2011 at 9:18 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Do what your gut tells you hun, honestly. Good luck!

Married: 07/15/2011
Feb 11, 2011 at 9:20 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
The thing is i really dont want her anymore at all. i have chosen her replacement but have not yet asked the new BM until i sort this problem out. She is already BM for another of her friends, and also planning her own wedding in FIJI.

I have actually entered my wedding date in wrong and is actually in July this year, so months away, i really need to order BM dresses.

PP
Married: 06/04/2010
Feb 11, 2011 at 9:21 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
a helpful MOH is what you really need! I wished I had changed mine even if it was to one of the BMs who helped me more!! MY MOH didn't even bother to make it on time to the rehearsal, just in time for food and drinks! That's the extent of help I got from her. She did try to give me a bachorlette party... my friends told me they got one day's notice. If shes' not feeling it, ditch her!!

Married: 12/19/2010
Reviews: 5
Feb 11, 2011 at 9:23 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
You need to be honest about it. Be ready to ruin what is left of your friendship though. If she normally is a good friend then she is probably going through something that you don't know about, but if this is her typical behavior then you are better off without her.

Married: 05/21/2011
Feb 11, 2011 at 9:52 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I just had to boot my MOH out of the wedding for not at all participating in anything. All she had was excuses for it. So I had enough. I felt bad for doing that because I am so far from the "Bridezilla" type, but when someone excepts that type of responsibility they should do the things they are supposed to do. If they run into hard times financially, or whatever it may be, let the bride know instead of blowing her off. So for me, I did boot her and it was the BEST choice I ever made! No more stress from her. :)

Good luck Hon, just remember it is about you and your FH.

lovealwaysn4ever
Married: 1+ year ago
Feb 11, 2011 at 9:54 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
The only rule your MOH has to obey to is to get the dress, show up, smile, and hold the flowers, stand beside you the day or.
Sure this sucks but she's not obligated to help in anyway shape or form.

Unless you are willing to completely end your friendship, then I'd reconsider booting her out.

Married: 05/21/2011
Feb 11, 2011 at 10:10 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
^ I disagree. The "rules" you suggested are the "rules" for the BM's. The MOH has a lot more responsibility than a typical BM. Unless, you don't specify what you want her to do, but either way a MOH does have more responsibilities.

Married: 07/15/2011
Feb 11, 2011 at 10:10 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thank you ladies you are really helping me.

My Sister in law to be has helped me out so much, and is a BM. I am having 3 BM and the other 2 would be happy just wearing a potato sack, this girl is giving much grief that im not sleeping well. I think im willing to give up on the friendship with her.

I have asked her for measurements to order the dresses 5 months ago, if she was a real friend im sure she would have given these to me before this.

Married: 07/15/2011
Feb 11, 2011 at 10:13 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I agree Kim S. that the MOH has more responsibilities.

If you are any sort of friend as a MOH you would want to help them to make the brides day the best.

Married: 05/21/2011
Feb 11, 2011 at 10:14 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Exactly.

Married: 05/06/2011
Reviews: 5
Feb 11, 2011 at 11:40 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
i would start with telling her that she is about to be demoted and your SIL is going to become the new MOH. maybe if she realizes that she is dropping the ball, she might shape up.

lovealwaysn4ever
Married: 1+ year ago
Feb 11, 2011 at 11:53 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
There are no SET RULES! They want to help GREAT but it should not be expected or demanded.

Besides don't you think of your friendships within this time or do you all just turn into bridzallas and demand everything because it's YOUR.DAY!? Really?

I'm glad I'm a friend to most of you demanding the "rules" of your MOH's or BMs.



Make sure you clearly state THESE RULES ARE A MUST, or We can not be friends.. as you go ahead and ASK your CLOSE friends and family to be apart of YOUR wedding.

Think about it ladies. really.

Also, I was asked to be a MOH or BM, being a close friend, yes I would be willing to help but on my time not to work around the bride, I'd do my best but I wouldn't stop my life just because of HER pretty princess day. I'd be willing but the second she'd become demanding I'd be departing my rule altogether..

This said, I'm a MOH in my best friend's wedding. I will do my best to do everything that I can. My life won't stop for her tho!
Edited On: Feb 11, 2011 at 11:56 PM

Married: 10/22/2011
Feb 12, 2011 at 12:25 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I agree with "loveatwithall t." Although its a nice gesture, it's not anybody's RESPONSIBILITY to help you with your wedding but your own. I'm not sure where people got this idea of these "so-called wedding rules" Because there arent any. You make your own. Besides, u never know what could be going on in her life that got her attitude all twisted up. You would feel pretty silly if she had something very serious and devastating going on in her life and here you were on her back about your wedding. And if you're letting what she is doing stress you out and cause you to lose sleep, well that's just crazy. No wedding is that serious to be losing sleep over.

Be straight with her, tell her that you're going to pick the dress you want and let that be the end of it. If you want to end the friendship then fire her as ur MOH However, you might first try finding out why she doesnt want to cooperate all of a sudden; maybe something's really wrong..

Married: 07/15/2011
Feb 12, 2011 at 12:40 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Well loveatwithall t. good for you being a MOH.

I am by no means a bridezilla, as im sure that anybody else commenting on here is either. All i am saying is that it would be nice to help a friend out for such a big day.

I have never been married before and she has been, i would have thought she could give me some advise on making MY day to run smoothly.

If you are really bitter about people and weddings i suggest that you please dont comment on this thread anymore. I started this thread for some serious help on a situation, and your going on about rules and demands.


rock-n-roll bride
Married: 04/30/2011
Feb 12, 2011 at 1:09 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I have learned over the years that girls enjoy the bachelorette party over the shower. So if you are wondering about that then it could just be she prefers the party side of it all. I have no idea how the shower moved to be what the family does for the bride, but it seems that is what has happened. As for your friend's attitude that is unreasonable and mean. If she really is that good of a friend she should be more supportive AND you shouldn't be picking a dress out she likes; it should be what makes you feel the most pretty for your day. This is all about you and your future husband, no one else. We all want to share with family and friends, but it's never going to be as important to them. It's why we all turn to WW. With that said I do think that when someone agrees to be in a wedding party they agree to help and make things easier for the bride. Not to the point of ruling their life and not to plan the wedding. (cont)

rock-n-roll bride
Married: 04/30/2011
Feb 12, 2011 at 1:19 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Definitely to support their friend, the bride. Bounce ideas off of and be excited for this special time in her life. It's what friends do, even when it isn't your wedding. Therefore, I still think the traditional role of the BM and MOH stand true. Anyone who thinks that someone has no responsibilities for a wedding they agreed to be in is just selfish, as selfish as a bride taking over someone's life. I don't think you are doing that, I just think that something is going on in this girl's life. Try to talk to her, like others said, she might be going through something. If you can't get through to her let her know you are desperate for help and support and that means desperate measures (i.e. asking her to step down). Being honest is the most respectful thing you can do for her and you. Good luck, it's not an easy situation for anyone.

Married: 07/15/2011
Feb 12, 2011 at 1:28 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
We are trying to do all the planning ourselves for the wedding, but we both took new employment 2000kms away from where we are planning to have our wedding in our home town. SO yes it is really important for me to have the support of family and friends and BM, to make this all happen for me.

I did originally go shopping for my dress with her, because she was also looking for a brides dress too. We also looked for BM dresses at the same time, every dress she liked, i hated and definitely will not go with my style of dress. I think she is a bit annoyed because i didnt pick any of her choices or styles, and have chosen one with out her.

Thank you rock-n-roll bride, i have similar thoughts about traditional roles, i dont expect everyone to do everything for me, but i would love the assistance

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