How to deal with an uninvited plus one??
My fiance and I are currently collecting our RSVP cards to our wedding.
We are paying for the wedding ourselves and to keep the costs low, we decided to only allow our guests a "plus one" if they are in a long term serious relationship. I received an RSVP from my cousin, who to my knowledge wasn't dating anyone. We had invited her only, without a "plus guest." When we got her RSVP card, it said her name "and Dave." We have no idea who Dave is and really don't want him at our wedding. Nevermind the fact that she was not invited with a guest.

I am not sure how to address this? Do I let it go and see if we can make room for him? Or should I address it head on and tell her that we can't accomodate her "plus one" ?

I dont want to be a bridezilla about it, but I am pretty annoyed. She is in her mid-30s and should know better...right??

Help!

Married: 09/11/2010
Reviews: 10
Posted On: Jul 16, 2010 at 10:48 AM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

17 Comments | Login or Signup to post a comment!

Married: 10/10/2010
Reviews: 7
Jul 16, 2010 at 10:50 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I would call her and just explain that due to budget and space, you can't have any extra guests. Apologize for teh inconvenience and move on. She'll get over it.

Married: 10/24/2009
Jul 16, 2010 at 11:00 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Maybe a mrs said it best. That is a great way to handle it.

Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 6
Jul 16, 2010 at 11:07 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Just tell her that you were unaware of her seeing anyone and unfortunately cannot accomodate Dave; but you would still love to see her at your wedding (if you really do).

Married: 09/12/2010
Jul 16, 2010 at 11:08 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I'd let it go if you can afford the extra person. If it's really a financial or space crunch, I'd take the approach mentioned above.

Married: 09/11/2010
Reviews: 10
Jul 16, 2010 at 11:14 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thanks for the input! It actually really is a space issue. Our room only holds 150. We had to eliminate some of our friends from the A-list in order to get our numbers down. If we do have more room, I'd rather invite a friend on the B-list than a random boyfriend who I've never heard of or met. I really need to figure out whether I want to confront her on this. Blah!

Married: 10/10/2010
Reviews: 7
Jul 16, 2010 at 11:18 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
How old is the cousin?

Married: 09/04/2010
Reviews: 3
Jul 16, 2010 at 11:23 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Agree with maybe - a- mrs

Unique
Married: 02/11/2010
Jul 16, 2010 at 11:24 AM • 
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Married: 09/11/2010
Reviews: 10
Jul 16, 2010 at 11:25 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
She is in her mid-30s. We had a general rule for all of our guests - if they are in a serious long term relationship, then they we invited them with that person named as their guest. I was not aware of any boyfriend that she had. Last time I saw her was at my bridal shower in May and she didnt mention it. So we invited her without a guest.

Shannon S.
Married: 2+ years ago
Jul 16, 2010 at 11:26 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
You're going to have to give her a call and say that space and budget are tight, and unfortunately because you did not know about Dave when you were drawing up your guest list, you will not be able to include him.

I'm having serious space issues myself. So I am already spreading the word among guests that we'll do our best to accommodate plus-ones if you have a steady, but unfortunately we can't give out generic plus-ones or invite someone you've just started seeing.

Married: 07/31/2010
Reviews: 7
Jul 16, 2010 at 11:31 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS?!?! I just responded to another post about uninvited guests. WTF man WTF.
I would contact her and say that your venue only allows you a certain number of people and there simply is no room for him. Tell her that if anyone RSVPs no than you will let her know.

Married: 09/11/2010
Reviews: 10
Jul 16, 2010 at 11:37 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thanks ladies!

And I agree Alison K. - WTF!?

sarah
Married: 08/28/2010
Jul 16, 2010 at 11:41 AM • 
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Nicci
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 5
Jul 16, 2010 at 11:42 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I didn't read anyone's comments but I had this similar situation. I had a gf from college who was in and on again off again relationship with a very bad guy and at the time I sent out the invitations they were living together but solely as roommates. So only her name with no additionals were added. When she rsvp'd on my ww website (which specifically states only names ON the envelope are invited at this time) she commented "Hey Nic! Just a heads up I'm bringing Sal" (Sal being the guy. So while I wanted to respond with an "Oh hell no you aren't." I emailed her with something along these lines: "Hey Amber! How are things? I saw that you rsvp'd yes to coming! I'm really excited to see you! I also noticed your comment. While I would love to say yes he can come due to budgetary constraints our plus ones are only going out to those in long term relationships, engaged or married. At this time I can only keep my extended invitation to you. Hope to still see you there!" To which

Nicci
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 5
Jul 16, 2010 at 11:44 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
she replied "So can my BOYFRIEND come to the reception then??!!" That got a "Hey the reception is where our constraints are the most. The dance is open to anyone but the ceremony and reception are invite only. Thanks for asking!" Yeah it may sound like I was "babying" the situation and in a sense I had to but it worked! I haven't had any problems with her since. But because of that I had to do a seating chart just to ensure that she didn't try and "sneak" him in. Good luck! Hope that helps!

Married: 06/01/2012
Reviews: 6
Jul 16, 2010 at 11:44 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Just let me preface this with I know that 1s are annoying and hard to deal with, but let me try to explain it a little more from a Guest 1 stand point.


I've many times been to weddings before I got to my own, and was the MOH for my sister last year. I can say I get why people want to bring a 1. There are usually a few different reasons.


1. Think about it, people who bring 1s typically have never been married, so they don't know the cost and aggrivation that a 1 can bring to a budget, seating limitations, and seating charts.


2. People feel like they might be akward and alone without a date. They don't know who you are going to sit them with, and they want someone to have fun with. The bride and groom are always spread very thin at their wedding. Hundreds of guests and only two of them.

(con't)

Married: 06/01/2012
Reviews: 6
Jul 16, 2010 at 11:48 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
3. Some of the younger people who bring 1s want to feel accepted. No one want's granny coming up to you and asking you why you don't have a date (my grandma is straight off the boat, old school, European. When I was 16 (her oldest grand child by the way) she was wondering wondering why she didn't have any great grand-babies yet and implying that I was going to be an old spinster - lmao!).


4. Weddings are, in a singles mind, a great place to get the introductions of the new bf/gf to the whole family at once.


Most of the time the people who invite 1s don't realize what an inconvenience it is. Mind you I'm not condoning it. But most who add a 1 will understand if you tell them no with a good reason. They just never realize all that goes into a wedding (IMHO is the biggest issue).


That being said I'm with Maybe-a-Mrs. Just let her know gently, and if he can be accommodated later in the process, that you will let her know

Married: 09/18/2010
Jul 16, 2010 at 11:56 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I think allowing a single adult the option of brining a guest makes it more likely that they will come and enjoy your wedding. If it's important to you that she comes to your wedding, I'd allow the guest if at all possible. Obviously she is close enough to this Dave guy that she's comfortable bringing him to your wedding. If you can't work it out, Maybe a Mrs. said it rather tactfully.

qwer
Married: 12/08/2010
Dec 06, 2010 at 5:23 AM • 
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Married: 09/17/2011
Reviews: 1
Aug 26, 2011 at 2:59 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
like Jessie Lyn said, I can understand why some people who are young and inexperienced in weddings might think it's not a big deal to bring a plus one... What I don't understand is why you would think that it's ok to bring your 4 children when only the parents names are on the envelope. This happened to us twice so far! One is my FFIL's friend... since he won't know anyone else and all of FFIL's other friends declined we decided it would be ok. My mom insisted that we let my cousin's 4 children slide because too many people would be offended if we said anything
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