How do you talk to your parents about helping with the wedding expeses?
I know its tradition for the parents of the bride to pay for the wedding. My parents have been divorced for 21 years and they do not, I repeat do not get along. My father makes more money than my mother. I'm just curious on how I can get them to help, without starting World Wat III. Oh and is the grooms parents suppose to pay for anything? My FH and I do plan on paying for things we would just liek some help. I would love some good advice...

Married: 09/10/2011
Posted On: May 23, 2010 at 4:42 PM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

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T.F.
Married: 2+ years ago
May 23, 2010 at 4:44 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Asking your parents for money shouldn't be necessary. If they are able to help, they will offer. If they don't offer, you have the wedding that you can afford.

Married: 10/10/2010
Reviews: 7
May 23, 2010 at 4:44 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Wow, that's a tough spot. I'd say that how to approach your parents depends not just on their relationship, but on your relationship with each of them.


As for the groom's family, it's traditional for them to pay for the rehersal dinner. I think the flowers, too, but I'm not positive about that.

Lone Pine Photography

Lone Pine Photography
May 23, 2010 at 4:47 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Groom's parents pay for the rehearsal dinner, and usually the honeymoon, though sometimes the groom pays for this.

I would speak with your parents separately, and ask them how much they can contribute to your wedding budget. What the other is contributing is none of their business, but your best bet is to get a check from them, open a savings account, and stick within your budget, while calling all of your own shots on your wedding. You don't wanna get it hijacked because someone disagrees with a decision you made and therefore is gonna withhold funds.

Married: 07/24/2010
May 23, 2010 at 5:04 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Uhhhhh all I can say is GOOD LUCK. My parents are divorced & have been for 18 years and do not get along either. My mom is currently unemployed and my dad retired (but he has some money). I never asked either of them for money, but my dad gave me a budget of so much. It definitlely doesn't cover ALL costs, but it's helped a LOT while my mom really doesn't have the funds to help. My dad isn't happy that my mom isn't helping, but if she doesn't have it, she can't give it is how I see it. We are paying for at least half of the wedding ourselves. I approached them both seperately about things and not as a team because they clearly can't function that way.

FH's parents are paying for our honeymoon, flowers, & rehearsal dinner. My dad's contribution basically pays for catering. We have picked up all of the other things ourselves (dj, cake, dress, church fees, invitations, etc). It really depends on your families and their dynamic, but I'd approach seperately.

Married: 2+ years ago
May 23, 2010 at 5:07 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
What FH and I did is figure out how much the wedding would cost, about (since we're doing a destination wedding, it's a package so we know about how expensive it'll be). Then we took everything we'd written down/figured out and talked to my parents and his parents saying "This is what everything will cost. How much, if anything, do you feel comfortable giving us?" Our parents know that we aren't pressuring them into paying for anything, we're capable of paying all of it by ourselves, so there's nothing wrong with them not giving us money. It isn't exactly traditional, but it worked for us.

Married: 07/24/2010
Reviews: 6
May 23, 2010 at 5:14 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
My ex and I are divorced (obviously LOL!) and we do get along. We both offered to pay for the wedding and told our daughter how much we would each be willing to pay. We will end up going about $1,000 over that, which is not bad.


Your parents *should* offer to assist, but if they do not, I would think that you could ask...."Hey Dad (Mom), could you help us with "fill in the blanks." They may not have even thought about helping you pay for it.


May 23, 2010 at 5:23 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
When dealing with divorced parents and more important ones who do not get along with each other it can be difficult. However the important matter at hand right now is not their differences, it is you and your future husband's special moment. Most parents will be more than happy to assist in some way or another.

What I would suggest is that you and your FH review your budget decided what you're paying for yourself. The items that you need assistance on label as "Parent Assistance Needed"; get a couple of estimates so you have a better idea of the price before proceeding to ask each group of parents. Remember that when approaching them you don't do it like you're approaching a loan officer at a bank. Take them out to coffee or invite them to your home for a small meal and let them know beforehand you want to talk about your wedding plans and you need their help .... so they don't have "check out surprise".
Then let them choose which they can help with.


Married: 09/10/2011
May 23, 2010 at 5:26 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thank you all for your input. It was very helpful :)

Precise Events

Precise Events, Inc.
May 24, 2010 at 11:11 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I agree with Gretchen. But I would add two tips.
1) Don’t make the parents feel like they are in competition. For example, if mom asks “what is your father paying for” make the conversation more positive, “Mom, this is about you and what you want to contribute” or “can we talk about how you would like to be involved”
2) I recently suggested to a bride to ask for a specific amount, a slightly different strategy. It could work if some of the items you need help with are too small or too large to request assistance with.
3) I would also like brides to remember that although this day is about you and your future husband, many parents are just as nervous and emotionally vested. They want you to be happy and some are not sure how to communicate with their children about what roles they can have in your wedding/wedding planning. Be mindful that you could start off by setting them at ease and creating an open dialogue.

Bride2B
Married: 08/21/2010
May 24, 2010 at 11:17 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
my parents are sepreated. i straight up asked my mom- (i know..how rude!LOL) but my mom raised me and it was me and her only for 16years so i had no reason to be all bashful with her about needed just a little help. my dad on the other hand...i just told him i was getting married and he asked me what i was spending and then complained that that was too mcuh for a wedding and where am i getting this money..blakblahblak...and then i said, "well we are paying for it and my mom is helping as much as she can" and he said he will help too. :)

JessSquared
Married: 07/10/2010
Reviews: 1
May 24, 2010 at 11:18 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I didn't worry about all those traditions like who's parents pay for what. I just went to every set of parents (mine are divorced too) and said "we need money". I didn't mention what anyone else was giving us and everyone just gave what they could.

Married: 04/02/2011
Reviews: 1
May 24, 2010 at 7:04 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Dad and I don't get along so won't be going to him and my mom has never offered anything but time and preparations but never money.FH parents said they'll be there from out of town but never offered money either. Guess its all up to FH and I. But I know I'll catch flack for an inexpensive wedding tho.

Married: 09/10/2011
May 24, 2010 at 7:59 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Celena~ I'm sorry to hear that. I hope every thing works out for best. No matter what, enjoy your wedding day and don't let anyone get in the way :)

Married: 09/24/2010
May 27, 2010 at 2:57 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Here's one for the books, my FH mother can afford to help out and hasn't even offered. I'm paying for 3/4 of the wedding, which I have no problem with. However, it would be nice if his mother at least offered something since she is upset with us only having 60 people. She could of offered to pay for the people she wanted to invite when we told her that we couldn't afford anything bigger. Anyway you can't win. I feel that it's our wedding and we will do what makes us happy, so should you.
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