Help! Pastor Won't Marry you!
So I just got a call from my BFF who is getting married in January. She and her FH went to their first premarital session and were told by the pastor that he would not marry them because they live together. He would only marry them if they moved out until after the wedding. Have any of you experienced this? Neither of them have family that has room for them to shack up for 8 months. Someone renting is out of the question while trying to pay for the wedding. I am a christian and being married by a Pastor and was still quite surprised to hear that he would not marry them. My church asks you to refrain from sexual contact, but not to move out if you are living together. What do you all think of this? Should they move? Just looking for suggestions because I was unsure of how to help her! Thanks!

Married: 11/06/2010
Reviews: 5
Posted On: Apr 19, 2010 at 9:07 PM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

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Jessy
Married: 05/30/2010
Reviews: 5
Apr 19, 2010 at 9:10 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
There was a bride on here last summer who had that same issue. I'll see if I can find the thread... I don't remember how she resolved it.

Married: 06/04/2011
Reviews: 6
Apr 19, 2010 at 9:10 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Oh gosh, I was scared of this. I know this means I'm going straight to hell, but when my church asked where FH and I live, I gave them both of our parents' addresses even though we've been living together a year and a half. I guess it depends on how connected you are personally to the specific rules and expectations of your particular religion, and that's a decision every couple has to make for themselves (and probably discuss before moving in together anyway). Now I'm not going to be the one to say you should tell your friend to lie to the church, but....just sayingggggggg...

Wedding: 10/17/2015
Apr 19, 2010 at 9:10 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I absolutely don't think ether of them should move out, that's absolutely ridiculous. I think it's time to find a new Pastor who will marry them, to be perfectly honest. That guy just sounds judgmental and controlling.

Future.Mrs.Mak
Married: 03/16/2013
Apr 19, 2010 at 9:12 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I've heard of something like that, only the pastor told them that he would marry them only if they apologize in front of the WHOLE CHURCH for living together before marriage. so they apologized to the church n did the wedding loool

JulyBride
Married: 07/25/2009
Reviews: 5
Apr 19, 2010 at 9:14 PM • 
This post has been flagged by the WeddingWire Community and is now hidden.

Married: 05/27/2011
Apr 19, 2010 at 9:18 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
i have heard of that and think its silly!!! first off...a christian isnt supposed to judge, and thats what they are doing if they wont do the wedding if they are living together. also if it were me i would find someone else. i dont think its really worth the fight. i am afraid i may rn into this situation but i was basically kicked out of my house and had no place to go but here.

Married: 05/21/2010
Reviews: 15
Apr 19, 2010 at 9:19 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Yeah... I wouldn't put up with this, but I guess it's an issue of how important it is to them to be married by this particular pastor/in this particular church.

Jessy
Married: 05/30/2010
Reviews: 5
Apr 19, 2010 at 9:21 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Sorry, I can't find the thread.
Personally, if I were in that situation, I would be looking for a new pastor. Some people just can't make those kinds of changes... it doesn't work financially.

Married: 07/24/2010
Apr 19, 2010 at 9:24 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I would find a different pastor. Ours doesn't mind we live together.

ladylee
Married: 06/05/2010
Apr 19, 2010 at 9:34 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
hmmm i just read someone else say this earlier today. can't remember which thread. IMO i think it's silly. i mean they could continue to "shack" but they are at least getting married.

ladylee
Married: 06/05/2010
Apr 19, 2010 at 9:35 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
wow what luck is that? as soon as i clicked out of this thread i saw the one i was referring to. it's the 3rd post down.
http://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/those-of-you-getting-married-in-church-you-dont-attend/374b73da85938d39.html

Married: 06/26/2010
Reviews: 13
Apr 19, 2010 at 9:40 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Well...in most cases if it is a Catholic religion, they won't marry you if you live together. I know there are some modernized churches, but I'm not sure how common that is. My FH and I decided against a church wedding for that reason. You could tell them to say the one will move out..they really have so many weddings I doubt they would check up on them. Not sure if it is a Catholic wedding, but I can't speak for other religions.

Married: 05/07/2011
Reviews: 6
Apr 19, 2010 at 9:48 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
@ladylee, lol yeah that was me. This is one thing I'm really worried about. FH and I live together and have for 1 1/2 years. I don't want to lie about our living situation, though, because we are not ashamed of it. It works for both of us.


On this topic, I would have your friend find a new pastor. I don't know if I would be able to work with someone who treats others that way.

Married: 12/19/2010
Reviews: 5
Apr 19, 2010 at 9:48 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I am just going to tell the truth if I get asked this. I don't know if he will marry us but I have a second cousin who is a minister so I will just have to find a new ceremony venue if I am told that our current pastor wont marry us though. I think its assinine that you can't LIVE together. Its not like you HAVE to sleep together even if you live together. Also its not like you can't sleep togther if you are living together. Not letting to live together is all about apperances. I don't think its a big deal to have sex before marriage but if it is then its the sex that should be an issue not cohabilitation.

Married: 11/06/2010
Apr 19, 2010 at 9:53 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I am actually going through this right now. The preacher doesnt mind that we already have a child together(which there is nothing to be done about that now) but he does not want us to live together or have any sexual contact. My parents are only 3 minutes down the road so I am in my old room there until November. I did start premarital counseling in January thinking that it would not last until November, but we go once a month to see the preacher. I am not really upset about the situation any longer, in the beginning it was really hard to move out of my own house back into my parents house. We have been living together for 3 years. It is still hard and there are days that I do stay at my house due to the fact I do keep kids overnight and stay there with them.

Married: 06/12/2010
Reviews: 5
Apr 19, 2010 at 9:55 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
My pre-marital counselor told us we had to start living separately, and we ignored him. 2 months isn't going to change everything that's happened in the last 2 years. But he wasn't marrying us. Personally, I think it's silly, since getting married would cause them to no longer be living in sin. I would move on.

ladylee
Married: 06/05/2010
Apr 19, 2010 at 9:56 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
It's a personal choice. Some people think it's no big deal to live together prior to marriage. Others wouldn't dream of it. Also some pastors are more liberal/forgiving than others.

Married: 10/01/2010
Reviews: 7
Apr 19, 2010 at 9:57 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
FH and I have lived together for a year and my pastor has no problem marrying us. I am Lutheran, not Catolic so not sure about other religions. I would suggest finding someone else to marry you.

Married: 2+ years ago
Apr 19, 2010 at 10:07 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I was raised catholic and i think that if this is the faith that your friends follow then they need to stay true to it you cant pick and choose what parts of the religion you want to follow and they should not lie to get married!

mahoganieyes
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 5
Apr 19, 2010 at 11:05 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thankfully the pastor that is during our ceremony is a family friend and he is not judgemental. He understands that things don't alway go according to the way we were raised but we want to do the right thing and get married before God. Before our pastor became a man of God he had children before marriage so he definetly understands the road of temptation first hand.
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