Guilt
Hi ladies! My fiance and I got engaged this past Saturday, and are starting to consider ideas for the wedding. If we think purely about what we want, my fiance and I are both leaning toward a destination wedding. I feel extremely guilty asking people to spend that much money and time away for us though. At the same time, we do not want to spend the money to have a traditional wedding at home because frankly I'm not that close to my large extended family at all. Does anyone have advice from their own experience? Is a destination wedding over the top selfish? If we do go for the destination wedding, should we just invite our closest family, or should we open the invitation up to the whole family? Some will be able to afford it and some won't, and I'm afraid that will cause hurt feelings. Thank you for any advice you can give.

Sarah
Wedding: 07/04/2014
Posted On: May 15, 2013 at 1:36 PM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate0 likes

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Brittany Ann
Wedding: 05/03/2014
May 15, 2013 at 1:38 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I'm having a destination wedding, but it's not extremely far from home. (4 hours or so) I'm going to try and include accommodations in my invites. I've been debating starting a site for my guests and include inexpensive hotels/condos in the area. To be honest, I'm inviting extended family, but don't expect them to come. I just want to make sure I extended the invite, whether they accept or not! :)

Married: 06/29/2013
Reviews: 6
May 15, 2013 at 1:39 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Hi Sarah. Congrats on your engagement and thanks for changing your avatar so quickly!
If having a destination wedding is what you want- that's what you should have! I see day in and day out women upset because they chose to do something other than what they wanted to appease other people. You just have to be true to you. :) Don't feel guilty about it! If people don't want to spend the money, they wont. If your feelings wont be hurt if it ends up just being you and your FH (future husband) on your wedding day, then there is nothing stopping you. :)
Edited On: May 15, 2013 at 1:39 PM

Out the Window
Wedding: 05/03/2014
May 15, 2013 at 1:41 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Don't feel guilty about a destination wedding. It's not selfish at all either. If your guest can afford it, they will come, if not, they won't. Simple as that. My friend is getting married in Turkey at the end of the month. Only the immediate family is going and 2 friends that can afford it. When they get back, they're having a BBQ and inviting everyone for Back and Married celebration!
Edited On: May 15, 2013 at 1:41 PM

Lucky me
Married: 06/22/2013
Reviews: 10
May 15, 2013 at 1:41 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I don't think DW are selfish at all. My really good guy friends who I consider my BFF is having a DW. I can't go because of the expense. He is totally understanding. If you do it I think yes invite everyone. Believe me they will not all come. He invited 150 and said only about 30 can come maybe even less. Thta's the good thing about DW is you are able to invite everyone because there is no way they can ALL come.

Married: 09/02/2013
Reviews: 5
May 15, 2013 at 1:41 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Hi and welcome!!! I completely agree with Lynzey! This is your day and you get to choose what YOU want!

Laudie
Married: 10/19/2013
Reviews: 11
May 15, 2013 at 1:47 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Welcome to WW! I think you can even have a local event and not invite everyone. My brother had a local wedding but they made it very small, inviting only about 50 people. Of course there were some people that may have had their feelings hurt a little but just explaining that it is immediate family only makes them feel like it isn't personal.

Karen
Married: 07/24/2013
May 15, 2013 at 1:49 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
My Fiance and I are doing a destination wedding as we live over 5,500 miles from our family and decided to have a vacation with everyone. We told everyone about 2 years ago so they could save if they wanted to come (though we didn't give an exact date), and we also kept the guest list smaller than a home wedding. For guests we knew wouldn't be able to afford it, we sent them a STD and then personally contacted them to let them know that we hoped they didn't feel under pressure to be there, we just wanted to acknowledge that we loved them and would have loved them to be there. (If that makes sense).

You could do a destination wedding with a smaller guest list and then, (if you wanted), have a party when you get home that can include people who couldn't make it, or those you didn't invite.
We're also meeting up with a couple of friends 3 days before we fly out to have dinner with them.


Just some suggestions. Hope these help.

Married: 02/25/2012
Reviews: 8
May 15, 2013 at 2:06 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
We had a destination wedding. Don't feel selfish, although I can understand it)! We live pretty far from our families (who don't live particularly close to each other) so we figured we would all travel. We picked Vegas because it's easy to get to, has a lot of different budget options, and everyone could entertain themselves once there. So we didn't pick an expensive or out of the way destination (which would have made me feel guilty). We invited a lot of people (had none of the guest list drama or people inviting themselves or trying to bring 6 kids); we had 65 show up, all of the VIPs except our grandfathers who we knew going into it couldn't come (one not even if we'd had it in the town where he lived). Had a blast, didn't spend the GDP of a small country!

We chose not to have a back and married party because we spent the whole budget showing the 65 people who traveled a good time. I wouldn't have people travel to do a cake and punch reception (but that's just me).

We'llAlwaysHaveParis
Married: 11/30/2013
Reviews: 2
May 15, 2013 at 2:11 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I was a guest at a destination wedding. At no time did I think the couple was being selfish. I looked forward to that "vacation" for a long time. We had a blast.

You will never please everyone so plan the wedding YOU want.

Good luck.
Edited On: May 15, 2013 at 2:12 PM

Married: 06/08/2013
Reviews: 1
May 15, 2013 at 2:41 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Do what YOU want and stop caring about everyone else. Stop caring about who is coming and just what you and your fiance want. My biggest mistake. The people that really care about you two will come no matter what.

Wedding: 09/13/2015
May 15, 2013 at 2:49 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Have the wedding you want and don't feel bad about it! If people can come, they will and I'm sure they will love it. If they can't, they'll look at the pictures/video and go to your anniversary/vow renewal in the future.

If you want to allow more people to come, choose your destination accordingly. East coast? Maybe Florida or the Caribbean. West coast? Las Vegas or Hawaii (actually, Hawaii is still pretty cost-prohibitive). Middle of the country? Mexico, maybe. Be aware that if you choose Europe or Asia or anywhere that means the airfare will be really pricey, only a handful of people can come.

I'm doing a DW, but it's driving distance for most people.

Married: 06/21/2013
Reviews: 11
May 15, 2013 at 2:59 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Agree with all the ladies...this wedding is about the two of you. Of course, if you are concerned about specific people not being able to attend due to finances, there is the option of pushing the date out. Though, I would not choose to do that, but it may be something to consider.

Rachel S.
Married: 09/27/2013
Reviews: 9
May 15, 2013 at 3:00 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I'm in agreements with all of the above!

I think if you truly want a DW, you should have one. Some people will come, some won't be able to, as long as you won't be upset if certain people can't come (for instance I knew I couldn't do a DW because I 100% wanted my grandmother there and she can't travel), then go for it! You can always have a party afterwards at home

I want one of my friends to have a DW so I can go see their wedding and have a vacation! haha

Kim
Married: 08/31/2013
Reviews: 1
May 15, 2013 at 3:01 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Our inital plan was to do a destination wedding...dominican, jamaica, mexico, etc. But, once we found out that his grandparents wouldn't go and as my grandpa stated..."if someone made the arrangements, I'd tag along" we felt a small local wedding at a B&B would be best to include the 3 grandparents. Now, as we approach our wedding in about 3 months, our wedding is larger than we wanted with a reception that is even bigger, and all details and costs through the roof (mostly due to parents guest lists and wishes). If we didn't already have so much invested, we'd do a destination wedding in a heart beat. Imagine what you invision on your wedding day...what are your surroundings - beautiful landscape or specific people? That will determine your answer...remember, it's about you and your FH...nobody else. If you choose a destination wedding and someone has hurt feelings over not being able to go, they will get over it.

Married: 07/26/2013
Reviews: 2
May 15, 2013 at 3:06 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
A DW is something you should definitly be excited about, don't feel selfish but might I add youre allowed to be a little selfish it's YOUR big day, when that was my initial plan I just told my sisters and their husbands "hey we're thinking about Jamaica and want yall to know we'd love it if yall came but if you cant we completly understand and dont want anyone to feel obligated" that sort of thing, and you can always have some sort of celebration or reception at home to show the ones that couldnt make it that you wanted to celebrate with them as well!

Kim
Married: 08/31/2013
Reviews: 1
May 15, 2013 at 3:12 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
And as to who you should invite, it's completely up to you. We were going to invite immediate family and close extended family with a few close friends. It would be made clear that no one was obligated to go and who ever could make it, great, people who couldn't, no hard feelings. People will understand if you say you are limiting the guest list due to being a destination wedding if that is your choice.

Sarah
Wedding: 07/04/2014
May 15, 2013 at 4:23 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thanks everyone for your feedback. In my heart of hearts I would like a beautiful beach ceremony with just my mom, my closest aunt, my fiance's mom and dad, and my fiance's sister, her husband, and their children. Unfortunately all of our grandparents are deceased, my dad is deceased, and I'm an only child. That would make a total of 10. If they would pay for their own airfare and hotel, which I do not think would be a problem financially, that would be all the gift I need. Does this sound reasonable?

Monica
Wedding: 08/09/2014
May 15, 2013 at 4:54 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I agree with everyone else here. If people can make it, they will. If they can't how rude would it be of them to have hard feelings over you guys paying for the wedding you want.

My only concern is your wedding date...getting married on the 4th of July might jack travel prices WAY up.

Married: 05/04/2013
May 15, 2013 at 4:58 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I agree with everyone else - do what you want to. The best wedding I have ever been to (outside of mine :) ) was when one of my BM's got married in Vegas. It was just them, their immediate families and a handful of friends. The following weekend they threw a big party at their favorite local bar for all their friends who couldn't come to Vegas. Best time ever! You could do something like that if you wanted??

Sarah
Wedding: 07/04/2014
May 15, 2013 at 4:58 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Don't worry Monica M., it's just a placeholder because the site made me choose one :) we don't have a date set yet.
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