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Break it down to numbers and $$. Show him exactly how it breaks down financially, and figure out what you can afford. Take the feelings out of it and show him some solid facts.

Its not even that cause he knows how much it will be cause of the fact that he was there with me at the venue and he has a copy of the estimate.... I mean i don't want to pull the whole "we're not paying for this ...." card, but I feel I'ma have to... cause my mom is paying for most of the stuff.... and I'm NOT trying to just get stuff because it's not my money to be spending .... hell I could be spending that money on something else....

How about make an age limit, like only 10 years old can come? As long as it applies across the board, you know?

The little plus sign dissappeard... IT's supposed to say 10 and up!

Perhaps you might want to let FH know that if your guest list goes past a certain # (insert that figure), your mom is going to renege on footing the bill (like in spades! lol)

I don't think a wedding is the place for a kids (under 16), well no...the reception. It's a place for grown folks to enjoy themselves and get away from the young-ins for a few hours! I will have two 13 year olds but one is my daughter & the other my best friend son. No one younger will be there because I am not babysitting on my wedding day, and I don't want my guest to not enjoy themselves because they have to mind their kids, or put someone elses kid on time out! lol

I feel that, it not the fact that younger kids cain't be there, because the vendor is gonna set up a play room for them after we eat.... it's the fact I just don't want as MANY kids as ADULTS that are there... but maybe I'm just "OVER reacting" about this since FH likes to say the SO often.... But I think I'm right and he's wrong on this issue PERIOD...

Your venue has a play room?!? That is so WIN. I want a vendor with a play room... Anywhoo, you guys have to decide together if it's gonna be kids or no kids it sounds like. Letting some, but not all the kids is just gonna cause a load of awkward. Make it a yes or no deal, based on how you guys are going to feel during the reception. Honestly, it sounds like you should forget about this for a week and address it at a later time, together.

I understand, and trust I've let this go for a few months actually.... but the thing is... I'm cool with the kids being there, but this is where I'm at.... if your Married or LONGTERM relation ship.... and you have kids together... FINE.... but just cause you hook up with someone 3 months before my wedding or you KNOW your kids aren't well behaved or need any type of meds to function with society.... LEAVE'M HOME.... and find a baby sitter....

lol, personally, i'd cut the plus 1's down to begin with...not just that, find out who's all been together for how long. like you said, unless they are married or in an LTR, their kids don't need to be there. they don't know you, you don't know them. kids that don't know people, and sometimes don't know the other kids, will do nothing but throw tantrums, or impale themselves to their parents, who then get annoyed, and either pawn them off, or end up leaving early and upset that they couldn't enjoy the night. how much are you being charged per CHILD if you don't mind my asking? is there some way to work out with the venue, only being charged for children over 5 or 8 or even 10? the person who is doing my meats, is only going to charge me for children over 10, because 1 steak or chicken breast, can be halved by 2 children, or even sometimes in 3's or 4's depending on the age, you know?

If it makes you feel any better, I've got guest list drama as well. Only difference is my fh and I are paying for the entire wedding ourselves yet my fh's parents feel they have the right to invite tons of their friends. I had approx. 190 people on my guest list and then my fmil just came and added 33 more. I truly want to go back to smoking I'm so stressed out right now. Sorry for my vent :) As far as your situation goes, What if you did adults only? and only had the children that were in the wedding party there ? Or you can generate a number of kids you want there in total, then sit down with your fh and decide which kids you want to include in that number.

Uhm, doesn't your venue have a limit on how many peope it can seat? Wouldn't it be easiest to say "the place can hold XXX people, we have XXX, who do you want to cut?"

I think you have to make boundary and stick to it. Even though you say you dont mind the kids there, you can't just pick and choose who can and cant bring thier kids unless you do it by age, affiliation to you and your FH, or some other way that explains your reasoning for not having certain kids there. I know we have decided that we would only be inviting those kids that are part of our immediate family as well as those that are children of our bridal party. And being as though your venue has a seperate room for the chilldren I would keep it to a mimimum because like you say you dont want the children to outnumber the adults.

I'm with Bride to Be, my side of the family only has 4 kids, whereas my FH has 35. Since we couldn't pick and choose, it's an adult only reception, which will not apply to immediate family. To make sure feelings aren't hurt my niece (my side) and 2 nephews (his side) will now be a part of the wedding party (ushers & jr. bridesmaid).

If only it where that simple..... he knows the place can hold upto 750 people.... so I mean i cain't lie to him.... but the Venue is charging me 1/2 price for kids 12-3 and then kids 3 and under is free...... so I mean it's a good situation HOWEVER.... ALL the GIRLS I work with and people from his JOB and a GANG of people from his JOB he wants to attend, and with them bringing guest it will put us WAY over out 250 MAX number.... and I know they said that on like 75-80% of the people you invite will show up, BUT I MEAN still that's alot of people.... the most CIVILIZED answer that I can come up with for this is to limit the number of Pluses to like 2 (which i know some people will not have a choice but have to bring all kids or stay home.... I've gone through the drama of saying I want an adult only reception... Yeah Between him and my mothers objections my opinion QUICKLY got squashed.... saying that people will get offended and not come... CONT'D

But I'm like if there is like 12 SCREAMING babies.... 84 KIDS running around (cause you know they are NOT gonna all stay in the PLAY room at all times) people not gonna enjoy themselves.... and I'm the type of person.... if it's my day or not.... to CHECK a kid..... someone might get mad about that.... and wanna get OFFENDED about someone saying something about they child.... I'm to the point.... I'm getting pissed everytime I THINK about the GUEST list.... cause NOT only if I add my Friends from work..... WHICH I realize NOT all of them are gonna be able to get off on the same day... but it's just a point... i think we could add MORE adults instead... but again maybe I sound like a complete ass and am being HIGHLY irrational about the whole situation....I just don't want my reception to turn in to a BARNUM and Bailey's Circus....

Then do it up adults only. You're not there to entertain. You're there to celebrate the love of your life. If a bunch of kids is going to make you nuts, cut 'em out! My parents' wedding was adults only. My dad was surprised to hear we were allowing kids to ours, and that was an excruciating decision. >.<

It definitely sounds to me like having an adult only event would be best for you. I don't think it would be fair to limit the pluses to 2 for everybody. Personally I would be offended if I had 3 kids and were only permitted 2, but I knew of another guest who had no kids, and could bring 2 ppl with them. If you do decide to have kids, I would do it on a case by case basis. If there's a family of 5 invite them all, if you have a cousin who is single with no kids invite her solo. There is no rule that says you have to offer to have EVERYONE bring a guest (let alone more than one), especially if they know other guests. Just be fair about it and do what makes the most sense as far as your budget it concerned.

FH and I had MAJOR disagreements over the guestlist. I refused to set a date or anything of the sorts until we came to an agreement. I finally told him if the list got to be more than 350 I was not showing up. But the reception venue (which HE chose) only holds 200 so that solved that problem. While I agree that you should not make a person have to choose how many of their kids they are going to bring, you CAN limit the number of people because guess what? It's YOUR wedding. I too don't want a bunch of kids running around my wedding. I One way I am avoiding it is by not having ANY kids in the wedding AT ALL. Also my reception cards will read "Adult Reception". AND the RSVP cards will have the exact # of people who are invited printed on the card. If you have 3 people in your household that's all that's invited. I also agree with having your mother set a dollar limit on the budget. Good luck with that b/c I know exactly how difficult it can be.

Trimming the guest list is one of the hardest parts of planning a wedding. It wasn't clear from your posts whether you have a budget already? That should be the first thing you do if you haven't already, and figure out the # of guests you can realistically accomodate and go from there. The others are right, you probably should make this an adult only reception. The thing about kids at weddings is that it's pretty much an all or nothing thing. You can't invite some kids and not others (even if they are brats!) because those guests will be offended. At least with an adult only reception you offend everyone equally :-) plus you don't have to worry about 84 kids (good Lord!) running around on your wedding day. I had ONE KID at my wedding and what did he do? Oh, he set off the fire alarm! So be warned LOL! Also, I wouldn't give your single guests a "plus one" unless they are in a serious relationship. No free dates, that will help cut your guest list as well.

You can also make an A list of the super-duper important people who you MUST invite, and then a B list of the less important people (like coworkers or whatever) and then as you start getting declines you can send invites to people off the B list.