FMIL & Momma Boy issues
My FH and his mom are close. She's his favorite and has helped him make ALL major decisions in his life. EXCEPT one== Meeting me online and from the state next door (40 mins over). She's made this comment to me before including at my bridal shower "why couldnt he meet someone closer to home" . Mostly Im thinking because it is an incovience for her to drive over a bridge or even more than 3 miles from her home. We are luck to have found eachother (match). SHe is a bit of a drama queen. What bugs me is he lets her get into his head with comments about me being pissy or if I make a comment standing up for myself. She and I had it out when she was going house hunting for OUR home. Before we got engaged. ALso she's mad that I make it clear I do not want to live in same town as her. BUT she keeps pushing it on him. Putting a strain in between us. HELP. I dont know what to do. Its 2 months till our wedding and is not a happy time like its suppose to be;( I needed to vent.

Private User
Married: 1+ year ago
Reviews: 7
Posted On: Apr 29, 2013 at 10:03 AM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate0 likes

17 Comments | Login or Signup to post a comment!

Married: 08/23/2013
Reviews: 7
Apr 29, 2013 at 10:07 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
It almost doesn't even matter what the specifics of this particular situation are. What's far more important is that your FH stands up for you and defends your relationship when needed. It sounds like you two need to have a really clear conversation about those expectations and where boundary lines will be drawn with family members.

Good luck! I hope you two get it straightened out soon.

Amy A.
Married: 08/31/2013
Reviews: 5
Apr 29, 2013 at 10:07 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
True Life: I'm Also Marrying a Momma's Boy

We'llAlwaysHaveParis
Married: 11/30/2013
Reviews: 5
Apr 29, 2013 at 10:09 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I married one of them, and strangely enough ex-MIL is not what split us up. I don't miss her and I'm sure she's thrilled we're no longer married, but. . .

my ex ALWAYS stood up for me. He wouldn't listen to her put me down (he was allowed, but no one else could). Your FH has to back you up and not tolerate her ridiculousness or this will be a constant strain. A wife should never play second fiddle to a mother.

Private User
Married: 1+ year ago
Reviews: 7
Apr 29, 2013 at 10:13 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
She's also pushing him for us to get a pre-nup Im sure. Which Id be fine with. Im hoping I can add that She cant interfere with our marital decisions. ? I doubt it though. He's just stressed now which stresses me even more. I wish I can tell her to just F-off. Meanwhile she is on her 2nd miserable marriage. She makes Ray Romanos mom look like an angel!!!!! She's soo needdyyy its exhausting.

Private User
Married: 1+ year ago
Reviews: 7
Apr 29, 2013 at 10:16 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
what she does (never in front of me) is give him Guilt trips... She uses her power of suggestion to benefit herself. Meanwhile both son in laws (her 2 daughters husbands) DESPISE HER!!! AND NOW i see why.

Out the Window
Married: 05/03/2014
Reviews: 15
Apr 29, 2013 at 10:23 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Not sure if you would consider mine a Mama's boy, but he is the go to son. Which I find a little funny because he's a twin, and the twin lives 20 mins away while we live an hour away. I was semi offered a position in North Carolina and we would have been to afford all the luxuries (house, kids, etc) we are semi struggling here with. When I mentioned it to him, he just went white. I think an hour away from his family is just as far as he's willing to be.

Do you guys remember Mad About You? Where she almost cut off her hair to please her Mother in Law and all the MIL said was, "You're using the wrong scissors."

PurpleSun
Married: 09/01/2013
Reviews: 2
Apr 29, 2013 at 10:26 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Sounds like yall need marriage counseling. It is very hard to make a marriage work if both parties allow outside factors to influence the relationship.

Private User
Married: 1+ year ago
Reviews: 7
Apr 29, 2013 at 10:28 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Yep. And he's seen therapy - one of course she suggested go figure.

Married: 04/21/2013
Reviews: 5
Apr 29, 2013 at 10:34 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I would tread carefully you're stuck with this forever so if he doesn't start sticking up for you then you'll hve many unhappy years of this. I live 30 mins from my parents and its great. I can make the trip for a few hours and then come home but if I have something planned I can just say well I don't have time lol.
But it sounds like you need to sit him down and tell him to get his mother out of his head because you're the one that he's to be making decisions with... Not her.

Angel J
Married: 04/19/2014
Apr 29, 2013 at 10:34 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Im also marrying a momma's boy, but the good thing is that if she gets into our business, FH will put her in her place. Yours needs to do the same. It will only get worse after you are married. She will be calling the shots on how to raise your kids, cook your supper, clean your home, and God only knows what else. You two need to get this shit straight quick.

PurpleSun
Married: 09/01/2013
Reviews: 2
Apr 29, 2013 at 10:48 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I think it should be a neutral 3rd party therapist. IMO, you ALL need to attend some sort of counseling. The mother needs to so she can learn to let go and explore the feelings on why she has to be so invasive in his life, he needs to so he can step away and see his own identity outside of his mother, and you need to so that you can be a proper support and learn how to deal with this frustration.

Mrs. Robin Valentine
Married: 02/14/2014
Reviews: 8
Apr 29, 2013 at 10:53 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Sounds like his mother is a little insecure. Becoming his wife & not his gf, you are #1. Which means you have knock her off of the pedal stool, his mother will continue to be all up in your business, as long as he allows it. Honestly, I don't think any woman would please her, from next door or the next state. Let your barriers be known to her and keep that line drawer. good luck

BrevardMinister.com
Apr 29, 2013 at 1:51 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
You two absolutely need to take a marriage preparation class or have some premarital counseling sessions. And with someone the mom does not know!

Triangulating in-laws are a MAJOR stressor on the marriage relationship. If both people in a marriage relationship cannot sort out that the other is now THE highest priority, trouble is on it's way.

Define boundaries and nip this in the bud now.


kt2of3
Married: 10/26/2013
Reviews: 7
Apr 29, 2013 at 2:08 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I feel for you, been there done that. I agree that premarital counseling may be very helpful. He did not *choose* his mother but he did *choose* you, which means you should be number one.

Private User
Married: 1+ year ago
Reviews: 7
Apr 29, 2013 at 2:22 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
TY I was having a stress free wedding planning experience and now this ... I'm not even looking fwd to my 1st dress fitting tmrw now.

Jackie
Wedding: 10/31/2014
Apr 29, 2013 at 3:01 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
So I had a momma's boy (we were never married, but we do have a son) and while his mother wasn't the direct cause she was a good part of it. That relationship was in my late teens to my very early 20's.

Now at 33 I'm marrying what Out the Window refers to as the "Go-To son" he has a sister that lives in the area but he's counted on for EVERYTHING. I have no problem with him helping her within reason. Our family needs to take priority though. He just can't devote the time to the multi-weekend projects that she conjures up. I'm lucky though that he agrees and understands and puts his foot down when necessary.

I agree with everyone else...you need to make sure he has YOUR back. At the same time you can't fly off the handle at every backhanded comment she gives. I know how needling they can be but constantly harping on how horrible his mother is can have the opposite effect and make him dig in and defend HER when he should really be defending you.

Good luck!

Married: 06/07/2014
Reviews: 2
Apr 29, 2013 at 5:07 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
My FMIL once commented that they have been so lucky so far that both of their other children married people from their hometown... FH is from Pittsburgh, I'm from Maine & we live in Jersey City. I just laughed about it, moms are crazy. Don't let her get you down, always consider the source & pick your battles. Insist that FH defend you if need be.

I forgot to add that when we visit she insists we sleep at her house... Which means we sleep in twin beds. Mine has a Dora comforter & his has a Cars blanket. It's hilarious.
Edited On: Apr 29, 2013 at 5:14 PM
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