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I haven't ... but I would like to reiterate my post from a few days ago about "close" friends vs. "good" friends. Just because someone has known you the longest or sees you the most does not make them a good friend. You should think about who really cares about you the most and would think that your happiness with the wedding is the most important thing, not their own petty problems.
This is the one day in your life when, yes, it is ALL ABOUT YOU AND YOUR FH!!!
9 months is plenty of time to replace her. She wounds like so many girls I have cut out of my life!!!

I did, for a similar reason. My fiance had to be medevac'd out of Iraq about a year ago, she told me I was being selfish to tell her I couldn't go to dinner with her the night he flew back into the country. I had no intention of letting him get off that plane to no one, and would have been there no matter what. She didn't get it and it led to me telling her that if she couldn't support me, then I had no need to have her around, she had let me down many times before. Now, a year later and 2 weeks prior to the wedding, she never even got an invitation to the wedding. There was quite a bit more drama to it than that, but that's the short version. Needless to say, I don't need people like that in my life, much less at my wedding.

First off, I am so sorry your FH had a stroke! Is he okay? I'll keep you and my family in prayers. Now down to the issue...I've never done this but I think you should sit her down and have a straight and honest conversation with her about it. Tell her that she's not been a real friend and you don't think she is deserving of this honor. Tell her what you said here, that she's not supportive, she's not excited. Maybe explain that its a tough job and you don't think she's cut out for it. I hope this helps! Best of luck!

I agree with Tracey about evaluating your friendship with this person. This is your wedding and you have to decide if you want someone to stand up for you (especially since she is your MOH) that doesn't actually support you in every way. If you can't honesty say that she's a true enough friend to do that for you then I'd say you should cut her from the wedding.

I think you know the right thing to do is fire her but you are just looking for reassurance. Yes I personally would fire her. She has a proven track record to not be there for you and the last straw for me would be with the stroke of your FH. 9 months is plenty of time to get a replacement. The last thing you want is to keep her then a few weeks before the wedding she does something unthinkable the it's too late, the programs have been printed, etc. Save yourself future headaches.

Well last night I sort-of ended up firing my MOH but, at the end it became mutual. She was doing the same things that your MOH is doing. So do what feels right in your heart. I am bumping up one of my bridesmaids. She's been my friend since I was 6 and I am almost 24. She moved away for college and I figured why not just put my Friend I see weekly as the MOH. At the end of it all I found out who my close and good friends were.

I had to "fire" my original MOH because she kept trying to change everything I wanted and she started to say terrible things about my relationship with my FH. It's been over 6 months since I've said a word to her. Now with 4 months to the wedding she's not being invited. I think you should sit her down and tell her what you think about the situation. If you want to keep the friendship you should dismiss her gently. But if you're thinking she's not a good friend at all then do it however you feel best.

I've never fired a MOH but I did fire a BM. In the end you'll be happy you did.

I fired a BM... she might not be too happy about it and I'm not proud of the way I did it but I think that in the end it was what worked out best for both of us. We're no longer friends (only facebook friends) but we wanted different things out of life anyways (she was happy to sit at home and squeeze out babies even though they couldn't afford it, where I want a career first) so it probably wouldn't have lasted. It's not the most pleasant thing in the world to but but it is probably what is best. Good luck with your decision!

thanks for the advice. i'm just really nervous about having to talk to her. since the first couple of times i tried to talk with her did not go well, i'm sure this conversation will only be worse!!

so, I told her that I felt as though she wasn't there for me and wasn't interested in the wedding and that she seemed to have no interest in becoming interested in me or the weedding. so, unless I have misinterpreted the messages (or lack there of!!) that she has sent me, then I am just going to stop putting effort into her and not make her a priority in my everyday life or the wedding.

she wrote back to tell me that she will give me a couple of months to rethink my answer. and THAT WAS IT!!!! so, i feel really good about my decision and listening to you guys about firing a MIA MOH!!!!!!!!! :) THANKS!!!!!

Good JOB!!

Well, to be honest, I think you *did* overreact when it came to her interest in your wedding. Not everyone enjoys wedding planning, and people are your BMs because they are your good friends, not because of how much they like to help out with wedding planning. That said, her reaction when your FH had a stroke was totally unacceptable and selfish, and speaks more broadly of her regards for your friendship outside of the wedding.

oh I am sorry...Weddings bring out the best and worst in people. I'm pretty sure that you should not have her in your wedding party, from the information you have provided. I don't know how close of friends the two of you really are. People change over time also.

Something to consider is that people have very different responses when a friend is in crisis. Some people are going to be right there with you... physically, or calling, or something else active. Other people are going to make an assumption that you need some space to deal with it... and that you're likely getting swamped by other folks who want to help out.
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I have a tendency to be the latter type of person. And it took a few friends experiencing difficulties and then a crisis of my own for me to realize that while some folks might back off in a time of crisis with good intentions in mind, the person in crisis is most likely feeling the opposite.
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I would talk to her about it and tell her that you really needed her to be there for you when your FH was in the hospital. It sounds like she already feels bad about it... since you said something about her being worried that you'd be angry with her.

As far as the wedding planning goes... she'll never be excited about it as you are. How can she be? You are the one getting married! :) The wedding is 9 months out... I'm sure she'll be full of joy and excitement for you as the time gets closer.

your MOH should be excited. in fact, everyone you invite to the wedding should be excited and happy for you. that's the point of a wedding is to share something wonderful happening to you with the people who care.

beyond that, the MOH should show up to appointments that are scheduled just for her, and not decide something else is more important (happened 3 times). BMs can be less enthusiastic, MOHs not so much.

and as for someone claiming to be your BF and not saying 1 nice or semi-nice thing to me/you when going through a crisis, well, that is just sad for everyone involved, including the person who cannot muster up the courage to at least say "i'm sorry that you are going through a hard time, but I just can't deal with it right now"

Agreed, and I disagree totally with yadayada. Your moh should be your right hand gal and there with you and for you EVERY step o the way. It should be someone that can also know that you would do the same for them too.
You are doing the right thing, but I also think you should not let your friend give you a "couple months" to think it over. You have to make it final and tell her it's off...and replace her so you can start getting some real moh support.
Good luck

Well, I stand by my comment, being a good friend and enjoying wedding planning are two totally different things. In OP's case, the MOH wasn't a good friend because she wasn't there for her when her FH was in the hospital. Some people can find looking at ribbon colors and floral arrangements excruciating, but will still be there in a time of need. Those people should not get kicked out of the wedding party, in my opinion.