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Experiencing Raw Emotions...Right Now....

So, I am back home after attempting to go to work, the train never came!!!

So, I'm sitting on the train platform and my cell phone rings...a number pops up that I don't recognize, I answer it...and this is what took place:

Me: Hello?
Him: Is this Kamisha?
Me: This is her, who's calling please?
Him: It's Johnnie...
Me: Johnnie, who?
Him: Johnnie Taylor....your DAD...
Me: (in shock)...Hey, How are you....

I met my dad once when I was 17, he came to my High School graduation...I'm 34 now, so over 15 years, I have not heard a peep from him...I had begun trying to find that side of my family a few months ago and through the power of facebook, my cousin on my moms side, knew my dad's brother's number, and passed my info on to him, and that brother passed it to another brother who passed it to my dad...that was back in August.

I am the oldest granddaughter of Johnnie Taylor, who was a well known soul and blues singer, and my father is his son...

Posted On: Nov 4, 2009 at 12:13 PM | Vendors are allowed to participate

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ChancesAre4u

Wedding: [Private]

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ChancesAre4u

Wedding: [Private]

Posted On: Nov 04, 2009 at 12:16 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I don't really know how to feel, I dreamt of the day I would find him, but now that I have...what's next? He told me that my mother kept me away from him (my mother and I have been estranged for 10 year) and that he was a bad father, I know that I have about 6 sisters, that I have never met, I asked him about them, he said he just found two of them and would give them my number...I told him I am not bitter, I'm just confused as to why all of this happened...

Soon2BeWifey

Wedding: [Private]

Posted On: Nov 04, 2009 at 12:16 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Wow!! That's pretty amazing! So are you happy about finding him?

Shell

Married: 06/27/2009

Posted On: Nov 04, 2009 at 12:19 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
sounds like this could be the start of a fresh relationship....this is what you want right?

ChancesAre4u

Wedding: [Private]

Posted On: Nov 04, 2009 at 12:21 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I don't know, S2B....I felt like he should have been able to find me a long time ago...I want to be happy, but I can't right now. He heard I was getting married, but I don't even know if I want him there... It hurts so bad right now, because not only was I thrown away as a child by him, I was thrown away by my mother too...I have been on my own since I was 16, going through some very bad times, when I needed both of them the most...I became a stronger person for my experiences, but still, I wish they would have protected me from the physical, sexual and emotional I endured over the years.

CelticChick831

Married: 10/17/2009
Reviews: 7

Posted On: Nov 04, 2009 at 12:24 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I have been an outsider to a similar situation. My husband has a sister that we just found out about and met after she found her dad (my father in law) 3-4 years ago. The first meeting was a little strange, and even now they dont keep in touch weekly or anything but they have developed a relationship that is wonderful. Similar to your situation, her mother and my father in law split and she ran off with his daughter and without modern day technology, he couldnt follow. Take this as a blessing. My husband and his sister have a wonderful relationship now (they really clicked) and we have a beautiful nephew and niece and another on the way. Take it day by day, it might feel strange at first, but thats to be expected. Congratulations hon, and enjoy your new found family.

ChancesAre4u

Wedding: [Private]

Posted On: Nov 04, 2009 at 12:26 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I don't know what I want right now...in the back of my mind, I feel like I put forth the effort and I found him....but really, I never expected to find him...IDK...I'm so confused...I don't need him now, I needed him then...I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm hurt, I'm happy...

ChancesAre4u

Wedding: [Private]

Posted On: Nov 04, 2009 at 12:29 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I thought I could handle this, but I can't...I hate for my kids to see me cry, but I can't stop the tears...I am so determined and strong about everything else in my life, but when it boils down to it...I never got a chance to be somebody's "little girl", and I needed that so bad, I wanted that so bad, I never understood why, the both of them didn't want me, what did I do as a baby for them to just give me away?

TinkerBell

Wedding: 02/13/2011

Posted On: Nov 04, 2009 at 12:38 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Chances hun, I know how you feel because my dad abandoned me also. I didn't get to finally meet him until I was about 26 almost 27. My mother was never one to really talk bad things about him but, as I got older, she did explain to me the things he had done, which were horrible. I tried to establish a relationship but, in my case, he was exactly what my mother explained to me. I felt the same way as you did, Why didn't he want me? But, I learned to understand that the problem was not with me, it was with him. Don't blame yourself for anything and always walk around with your head help up high! You became an incredible and strong woman on your own and that is something to be commended for. The confusing thoughts will run through your mind for awhile but, don't feel forced to establish something your not ready for or don't want. If you choose to get to know him, give it a chance but, don't expect anything from it. Take it as a learning experience. I send you my prayers & HUGS!!!

CelticChick831

Married: 10/17/2009
Reviews: 7

Posted On: Nov 04, 2009 at 12:39 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
It wanst anything you did and there was nothing you chould have done to change that. Some people just dont know how to grow up and take responsibilty to care for a child. To some it scares the hell out of them and all they know how to do is run. Some people think that the best thing they could do for their child is to leave them but dont realize the distress it leaves a child in. I have noticed in some of my friends that growing up doenst help them either in understanding what they couldnt grasp as a child and that can sometimes be the hardest part. The not knowing why. Maybe finding out the Why will help you be able to let go of all this bottled up emotion. Also think of all the good you are gaining. You have sisters. Even if you cant forgive your father enough to have a relationship with him, you have other family members not involved that you might be able to have a relationship with.

sweet_firefly

Married: 11/14/2009
Reviews: 8

Posted On: Nov 04, 2009 at 12:49 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Wow, I can't imagine the emotions you are feeling right now. But I must say, regardless of what's been done in the past, he's contacting you now. That must be good, right? I can't imagine how hard that was for him.

Whitni C.

Wedding: 06/11/2010

Posted On: Nov 04, 2009 at 2:11 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
i cant imagine those feelings either! sounds like a bitter sweet day. Im sure whatever you choose to do will work out! Atleast you know how to get a hold of your dad, and could possibly turn it into a relationship...!? Maybe hes wanting a relationship now...your wedding is exactly one year after mine, maybe hes trying to be there for you, so when your big day comes he can be apart of it! just a thought...but best of luck with your situation! hope it all works out! :)

Future Mrs.Schmidt

Wedding: 08/07/2010

Posted On: Nov 04, 2009 at 2:17 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Wow, I'm happy that you are finding out about your family, but I'm sending you a big hug your way, I can't exactly relate to your situation, But I think if you just start to take this slow, slowly get to know one another, and you may or may not build a relationship with him, but at least you could say you tried right? I don't know what his reasoning is for not trying to find you or why he abandoned you, But maybe that is something you could talk about, it could be any number of things, from him being in a tough time in his life having to deal with an addiction and not able to be a father he would want to be, or down to him thinking he would never be a good enough father for you, nobody knows but him. And it might be good just to get your answers, make your peace and go your seperate ways (if that's the way it goes) or you could end up having him in your life, just keep in mind that it might take time, and by the time the wedding comes, you may want him there, and if not, CON'T

Future Mrs.Schmidt

Wedding: 08/07/2010

Posted On: Nov 04, 2009 at 2:19 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
then you can just explain your feelings to him and hopefully he'll understand, and if you do want him there, that is great! But you don't have to have all of the 'fatherly' duties for him to do, he can just attend as a guest, he doen't have to walk you down the aisle or dance with him if you don't feel comfortable with it, just rememeber to take your time to make your decision, talk to people (if you know of any) that have been in similar situations. I hope everything works out for you.. :)

beckyboo

Wedding: 08/11/2011

Posted On: Nov 04, 2009 at 2:25 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I'm praying for you. I can sort of understand how you feel. My dad has never seen me nor tried to contact me (that I know of) My mom gave me up to her parents when I was 5... and they were quite abusive. everyday I ask myself what did I do for them to throw me away and not look back. Why won't he give me a chance? Why won't he try to find me? I've been searching for years. If I ever met him though, I don't know what I'd do. I have no clue where I'd start, let alone if I'd want to get to know him. It's amazing that you found that you have sisters! I've always wanted a sister, and I hope I have one out there some place that I'll meet one day. I know how you feel, and I know how proud you should feel for going through life without them. It's not easy but you did it! That is something your children can look up to! I hope everything works out the way YOU want it to. Again, I'm keeping you in my prayers.

Lucky_Girl23

Wedding: 02/13/2010

Posted On: Nov 04, 2009 at 4:04 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I grew up without my dad, but had my mom. My dad used to hit my mom a lot and I saw most of it. I was daddy's little girl. Then I used to have nightmares about my dad hitting my mom for years after she left him. He still had visitation rights but I didn't want anything to do with him. Now that I'm getting married I kinda want to tell him. But not so that he could come. I'm in the place where I want to tell him everything I've done and made of myself without him there. So I think if I were to get a call from him I might be in your situation. Just take things slow and see where everything is going to lead. You have plenty of time to see if you want to invite him to your wedding.

RavenK

Wedding: 09/04/2010

Posted On: Nov 04, 2009 at 4:25 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Chances, BIG GIANT HUGZ your the strong, confidant, independant, inspiring, wonderful woman you are now BECAUSE of the life you led to this point, the good and the bad shaped you. Don't pick it all apart and try to rationalize it...it won't work and you'll only tear open old wounds. IF you AND your father choose to try and get to know each other, the only advice I can give from my personal experiance would be Don't try to have a father-daughter relationship. See if you can be friends as adults and if a more meaningful relationship is to come then it will evolve naturally from there. I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do. Trust in the fact that you have that unconditional love now with your FH, I know it's not the same as a daddy's love but it sure is something to be thankful for. HUGZ

Nathalie D.

Wedding: 10/09/2011

Posted On: Nov 04, 2009 at 4:26 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Hey Chances...I hope you are doing okay. I totally understand how you are feeling. I went through the same emotions and still go through them at times, especially now that i'm getting married and don't have a father to walk me down the aisle. My "father" knows everything about me but I know nothing of him. I still don't know or understand why my mother has kept her secret but one day I will ask her. I'm just not ready yet. I have met and spoke to my other siblings though. I have two older sisters and I met the oldest two years ago while I was on vacation with my family in Orlando. She, along with her 5 children drove 2 hours to spend a day with us and it was great. We are so close now I hope everything works out for you Chances. Your father did take the initiative to contact you...it may be worth just finding out what motivated him to call after so long. I'm keeping you in my prayers.

Aussie Bride

Wedding: 02/07/2010

Posted On: Nov 04, 2009 at 4:33 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Aww Care, just remember you are a strong women. You are independent, intelligent and a truly creative and wonderful person. Do what you feel is best for you. If you want your father at the wedding then invite him even if just as a guest to watch your day. Give the relationship with your father time as Raven said see how you are as friends. You know what is right for you and I believe you are a woman who believes in and can turn to god for guidance should you wish. We are all here to support you in whatever way we can. Give yourself time for your emotions to work through explain to him sometimes you need to get your anger out that he wasnt there and others you may just need to be happy and chat. You and only you will know what is best for you but we will all be here for you to talk to, vent to, or ask for guidance or advice.

Traci_Bob

Wedding: 06/12/2010

Posted On: Nov 04, 2009 at 4:38 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I'm thinking of you Chances, just take your time, like you said, a lot of emotions all at once, let it sink in and in time, you should be able to figure out what you truly want hon, whats in your heart, HUGSS!!

Bayridgeqt

Wedding: 07/02/2010

Posted On: Nov 04, 2009 at 4:41 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Congrats on finding your birth father. That is a lot to take on right now. It looks like you need time to process it all. Him calling you came unexpected, give yourself time to think things through before you start deciding on what you want from here on out. ((Hugs))

Kari95630

Married: 10/03/2009
Reviews: 1

Posted On: Nov 04, 2009 at 4:48 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
My husband had a similar situation happen to him. He got a call from his long-lost sister saying their dad (who he hadn't spoken to since he was 18, and was 37 when she called) had passed away and she wanted to let him know that, and he has 2 other sisters and a younger brother. A lot to take in for one person! He ended up meeting them and has kept in touch with 3 out of the 4 of them. My husband is the oldest. His younger bro came to our wedding and our Halloween party this year. Both sides need to make efforts if any relationship can grow. Good luck with your dad....everything happens for a reason, I believe!

ChancesAre4u

Wedding: [Private]

Posted On: Nov 04, 2009 at 5:30 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Thanks ladies, I just woke up after crying myself to sleep, I haven't done that in a very long time, I feel horrible...It's the not knowing why, is the part that is killing me. I come from a musical family, like I said earlier, my grandfather was a well know singer before he passed away, my dad has a couple of CDs out, as well as his brothers and my aunt also have CDs out. My mother was a music promoter, which made her be gone all of the time, and so I was raised by her mother from the age of 3 until 14 when she passed away. I felt that their music careers, was so much more important than me, what makes me the most angry is my mother gave me away, but she always kept my younger brother with her, like what was so special about him that he was able to be with her and not me? As far s my father goes, in the short conversation we had, he said he was a bad father and my mother kept me away from him.

ChancesAre4u

Wedding: [Private]

Posted On: Nov 04, 2009 at 5:35 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
In the phone call, I told him I wasn't bitter or angry, but that was a lie, I guess I wanted him to feel like what he did, didn't affect me at all...I wanted him to know that I did okay without him or her. He told me he loved me and that he thinks about me all the time, I told him I loved him too, but I really need for him to know what I went through when I was younger, but I don't know if I want to dredge up all of those horrible memories...But I know if I don't express all of this to him, it is going to fester inside of me, and I need to release it. I need him to know when I was abused, all the times I wished he would just bust through the doors and come protect me, the nights I called out for him, I just need him to know how alone I felt. Thanks ladies, I will get through this slowly, thanks for all of your words and advice.

Selene & Shannon's Day

Wedding: 06/19/2010

Posted On: Nov 04, 2009 at 5:36 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Breathe and allow him to put a prospective on the situation, been in a very simular situation, and you have to first think about what you want to achieve from this relationship, and take the steps to make them happen...I always wanted to be a daddy's girl and sometimes it makes you wish for what's really not there, just let God guide your heart, your words, and your emotions, keep it real with him dad's for some reason pick up where they last left off, (at least mine did) and you have to allow yourself to forgive and redeem the relationship from where you are now in your life, don't rush anything and take the time you need to absurb all that has and is happening to you embrace what your feeling and go from there, I pray that all goes well and every thing happens for a reason. Be Blessed

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