Dad/Step-Dad Aisle Dilemna
My dad and step-dad are both very important to me. My step-dad has been in my life since I was two, and they were both very involved in raising me, so when it came time to plan my wedding, I couldn't imagine walking down the aisle without them both beside me. When I talked to my biological dad about this plan, he refused. He said he'd rather sit and watch me walk down the aisle than join my step-dad and I. So now I feel like I'm forced to choose, and it would break my heart to have either of them sit out while I walk down the aisle. Is there a way to compromise?

Married: 08/11/2012
Posted On: Nov 3, 2011 at 11:36 AM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

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Ashley
Married: 12/03/2011
Reviews: 5
Nov 03, 2011 at 11:40 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I think traditionally most girls would walk w/ their biological dad, and stepdad would sit on the front row - probably even escort your mother. I think that's what I'd do, unless I didn't have a relationship w/ my dad at all. Could you do a dance w/ both during the reception? How does your stepdad feel?

If it's just too hard to decide, do you have a brother, or other close relative you'd feel comfortable walking with?

Married: 11/19/2011
Reviews: 6
Nov 03, 2011 at 11:45 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
It is kinda unfair for him to make you choose... I am having my step dad walk me down the isle but it is because he has been there my whole life and my real dad was not very involved... I think you should show him some examples of other wedding that have had dad and step dad walking the bride down the isle. I think the best solution is for both of them to walk you down the isle since it is the most important day of YOUR life. He should be the one compromising, not you... I really hope he will reconsider. I'm not sure how close your FH is to your parents, but maybe if he or your mom dropped some hints about how much you would like both of them with you, he might get the point. You love them both and the should both be by your side!!!

Caroline
Married: 09/01/2012
Reviews: 5
Nov 03, 2011 at 11:49 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thank you for posting this! I wondered what other people were doing.

I have a similar situation, however my is with my grandfather and bio-dad AND my mom.

I met my dad when I was 17 but he has decided he would like to pay for a large portion of the wedding, my grandfather was like a father to me and my mom really wants to walk me down the aisle... being that she raised me.

I am very strongly considering asking all three to walk me down. Luckily I am getting married outside, so I control the width of the aisle. But I am wondering if that is overkill.

I was going to have grandpa, mom, me, dad... I know my mom will be walking me down no matter what and my grandpa would be offended if my dad did it rather than him... so what is the answer?

However, in your situation, I feel like if you offered and he said no, then he made the choice... not you. Walk down with the person who didn't try to make you feel bad about your decision.

Married: 08/11/2012
Nov 03, 2011 at 11:58 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thank you guys. Ashley, to answer your questions, both are fine with having 2 separate dances at the reception. The aisle is the only sticking point right now. And I know my step-dad would step down if I asked, but it would crush him, and, to be honest, I really want him up there with me.
Caroline, in your situation I don't think it's overkill at all to have all 3. The way I see it, it's your day and if that's what you want then that's what you should do. I've been reading a lot of past posts on this issue, and it sounds like a lot of brides either have one walk down the isle and give the other a dance, or have one walk half-way and the other walk the rest of the way, some give one the aisle and one the toast, or some just have one walk and then both stand at the altar to give the bride away. So maybe those are some options to consider for your situation. Thank you for the encouragement, though. Still not sure what to do

Caroline
Married: 09/01/2012
Reviews: 5
Nov 03, 2011 at 12:06 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
That is a good idea, splitting up the "honors" so to speak. My dad is all excited about the father daughter dance since I showed him the fun link someone posted yesterday - so maybe I can talk him into doing the dance/toast and leaving the aisle walking to mom and grandpa.

Good luck - I know it is hard. Can you tell him that you don't like being put in this situation and you would like to revisit the two of them walking you down.

Wedding: [Private]
Nov 03, 2011 at 12:07 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Your dad already made his decision. You asked him to be a part of your wedding and he declined. It is not right of him to make you feel bad.

Married: 03/10/2012
Reviews: 5
Nov 03, 2011 at 2:25 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I saw a video in which the girl came out walking with her dad and midway the step dad joined them, I thought it was nice.

Honey B.
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 5
Nov 03, 2011 at 2:29 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I would suggest what Karen & Rene said. If your dad doesn't want to walk with him period then I would walk halfway with one then the other can be waiting and walk the rest of the way while the other steps away?

KitCat
Married: 08/25/2012
Nov 03, 2011 at 3:36 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I'm going to have my Dad walk me down the aisle to the edge of the seating. Then I'm going to have my very good friend, who treats me like his own daughter and I also call dad walk me the rest of the way. We are getting married in a theater with a stage that has stairs up to it. My dad does not handle stairs so well, so my friend will be helping me to and up the steps from the seating.

Married: 09/01/2012
Reviews: 5
Nov 03, 2011 at 3:55 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I've noticed everyone has kind of gone in the direction of "then let the biological dad sit and not walk you down" So I just wanted to put another perspective out there. I realize you are extremely close to both, but try to put yourself in his (your bio dad's) position and you might feel a little bothered by the idea as well. My fiance has a daughter with another woman. I believe I am like a mother figure to her but I know I will never be her mother and I definitely try not to overstep my boundaries.

Last of all obviously every family situation is different so you'll have to go with what you think is right. Maybe one of the suggestions the other ladies have mentioned will help, otherwise talk with your stepfather about it and see how he feels. I'm sure you'll come up with a solution! Good Luck!

Brandie
Married: 09/10/2011
Reviews: 7
Nov 03, 2011 at 4:10 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Do you think your stepdad would be ok meeting you at the end of aisle and standing up with your dad to give you away? My dad was in a out of my life growing up so it was just my mom raising my brother and I. He's back in my life now but when it came time to ask him to walk me down the aisle I told him that both him and my mom were walking me down the aisle. I didn't give him a choice. He did make the comment that he wanted that honor all to himself and I told him I wanted the honor of having a full time dad. I also have a stepdad, who came into the picture 10 years ago, so I had a special dance with him. I understand your position though, it's so hard to make everyone happy that day.

Married: 09/08/2012
Nov 03, 2011 at 10:16 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
My mom married my step-dad when I was 2 so he is who I call Dad. My biological father was also apart of my life & I want both of them to walk me down the aisle. My biological Dad feels that it his place to give me away & my step dad said it's his place since he was the full time dad. I'm not willing to compromise on this so if one decides to bow out in selfishness, then that's their loss. I hope you figure something out.

KT
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 5
Nov 03, 2011 at 11:24 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
As a woman who just went through this, I have a pretty good idea what you're going through. My stepdad has been in my life not only longer, but more significantly than my bio dad. My stepdad is a very rational and understanding man while my bio dad is a bit more emotional. I love them both dearly. It would have been easy and logical to ask my stepdad to sit on the sidelines while my bio dad got all of the traditional roles. However, I did what I wanted to do and what felt right:
Both fathers walked me down the aisle; I kissed bio dad first; stepdad sat in the first seat at the ceremony (then mom, then bio dad); stepdad gave the toast; danced with stepdad first then bio dad to a separate song.
I think it is understandable that your bio dad wants to walk you alone, but absolutely selfish to refuse to walk you with your stepdad. As someone who has been there, if either of my dads had responded that way, I honestly would have proceeded without them. He made his choice.

Married: 07/09/2011
Reviews: 5
Nov 04, 2011 at 9:01 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
my mom married my step dad when i was 5 he raised me but since i was 23 my real dad has been in my life i had both of them walk me down my step dad was pissed because he felt he should do it alone but i was like either you both do it or u sit down...........

Married: 08/11/2012
Nov 04, 2011 at 9:52 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thanks everyone for the advice. I ended up telling him last night that I still want both of them to walk with me, that I wish he would reconsider, and that if he chose not to walk with my stepdad and I that I would be heartbroken. Well, lets just say that conversation didnt go well. But thank you all for the help. For all those in a similar situation, I hope you have better luck than me.
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