Commitment ceremony Vs. Legally married!
What are your ladies thoughts? I always told myself I would only get married once and here I am engaged I have considered a commitment ceremony instead of an actual legal ceremony has anyone on here done that or thought about it? What is everyone's thoughts? Is it just a waste of money to not actually be legally married or is it ok to have a commitment ceremony instead of a leagl marriage ceremony. I am on the fence on one hand I think well that's kind of a waste and on the other hand I feel like it's a good option because I didn't ever want to be on a "2nd marriage" and then on the other hand I think "well am I cheating myself?" What do you ladies think?

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Posted On: Oct 10, 2012 at 8:45 PM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate0 likes

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Marlena S.
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Oct 10, 2012 at 8:49 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
If your only reason for not having a legal marriage is that you never wanted to be married twice, then I think you are cheating yourself out of the joy of being married. But I'm unclear as to what the point of a commitment ceremony is. If you're committing you're lives to one another, then why not go the step to be legally married? Are there any other differences aside from documentation purposes?

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Oct 10, 2012 at 8:51 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Not really it's just legally or not legally. I think honestly I ma just scared because my first marriage was sooooo bad he was abusive and i stayed miserably for 14 years.

Marlena S.
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Oct 10, 2012 at 8:55 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Have you talked with your FH about it? What are his thoughts on the matter? And perhaps you could use the commitment ceremony as a way to ease into this and then have the legal ceremony at your one year anniversary? I know it might sound weird, but it gives you a baby step to stand on before you have to face the scary part of it.

Married: 03/12/2012
Reviews: 1
Oct 10, 2012 at 9:04 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I don't know. This is something no one else can really answer for you. There's a lot of people who only marry for legal purposes and lots of people who just have commitment ceremonies because they see the legalities as a negative. In your case it doesn't sound really fundamental to your beliefs, so it depends on a lot of other things. Like have you guys decided what you are going to do for legal purposes in case of emergency? I think maybe baby steps and really communicating and exploring why you feel the way you do about getting married a second time would be good for deciding.
Edited On: Oct 10, 2012 at 9:05 PM

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Oct 10, 2012 at 9:48 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Well I got really sick two years ago and I signed a power of attorney over to my mom and honestly I plan to leave it that way legally married or not that's just who I want to make my final decisons. So there's really no difference there.

Carrie
Married: 2+ years ago
Oct 10, 2012 at 10:15 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
You might want to check the laws of your state to see if this is even possible. In some states officiants can't perform a ceremony without a marriage license. They can even be fined.

Solemnization without license unlawful.
No minister, officer, or any other person authorized to solemnize a marriage under the laws of this State shall perform a ceremony of marriage between a man and woman, or shall declare them to be husband and wife, until there is delivered to that person a license for the marriage of the said persons, signed by the register of deeds of the county in which the marriage license was issued or by a lawful deputy or assistant.


Edited On: Oct 10, 2012 at 10:17 PM

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Oct 10, 2012 at 10:20 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
No what they do is pronounce you "united in love" and that's how they get around it :)

2d Bride ®
Married: 10/06/2009
Reviews: 12
Oct 10, 2012 at 10:24 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
If you're not prepared to make the full legal commitment, why have a ceremony? If I were invited to such a thing (except in the case of a same-sex couple who couldn't legally get married where they live), I would decline.

Carrie
Married: 2+ years ago
Oct 10, 2012 at 10:25 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
not really. It may not be an issue in your particular state but I would not be so sure until you follow up. I follow a few officiants blogs, they have canceled the ceremony because the couple did not get the marriage license. No one wants get fined or lose their authority HTH...
Edited On: Oct 10, 2012 at 10:29 PM

Married: 08/24/2013
Reviews: 7
Oct 10, 2012 at 10:32 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
All good advice here but I'm going to run the risk of getting flamed but (maybe I missed something) I'm wondering why even have the question. What I mean is, you sound like you already have one foot out the door by looking at marriage to your FH as possibly being temporary. What would concern me, were I your partner, is why you feel such distrust in our relationship to be leery of making it legally binding AND to also not want to risk my having to make decisions for you if you were unable to do so. All the times in my life I have thought a relationship might not go the distance, I have been right. Maybe the question you should be asking is not should you do a commitment ceremony instead of a wedding but should you be considering anything but evaluating why FH is not the person you feel you can depend on for longevity or to make legal decisions (even w/your mom's input) about you if you can't. IJS

Married: 07/24/2010
Reviews: 6
Oct 10, 2012 at 10:34 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Honestly, I do not understand this. If you can legally marry, why not legally marry?


If you are doubting your relationship, with your FH, you should truly search your soul. You said that your first marriage was bad. You stayed longer than you should have. Do you feel that way now? Is this relationship better than your last one, or are you seeing red flags?


Only you can answer that.


Until then, I vote, no ceremony.

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Oct 10, 2012 at 10:56 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
No I never said i was doubting our relationship sometimes that's what makes me mad on WW people just assume that something is wrong. No there are no red flags and no it's not that i don't trust him or want to make the full commitment all i am saying is the first relationship was bad and to me if you are commited then you are commited we have been living as husband and wife for almost three years now. I have no intentions of being with anyone else ever all I am saying is that there is really no official reason such as final decsions, taxes or anything else to be "legally" married just as there there is not a reason not to. either but being that a commitment ceremony is an option and I think a great one for people Either way we are commited and love eachother very much the reason i choose to have my mom handle things is because I know my Fh wouldn't be able to cope with all the stress and she would wind up making the arrangement anyways.

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Oct 10, 2012 at 10:57 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Sorry for the typos...I just think it's a nice option to have for people that could care less about the piece of paper such as myself.

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Oct 10, 2012 at 10:58 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
As I clearly stated in my first post i was just never one of those people that wanted to be married twice or be on their "second marriage".

Married: 08/24/2013
Reviews: 7
Oct 10, 2012 at 11:11 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
My post wasn't meant to upset you, which is why I added "maybe I missed something" and now I have a better picture of what you meant. All it takes sometimes is one person breaking it down and the other person reading it through. Now that having been said, if you discuss it with FH, the legalities aren't important or don't matter and find that you are comfortable with it and he is comfortable with it, go for it

Married: 07/24/2010
Reviews: 6
Oct 10, 2012 at 11:17 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Jennifer, if you do not care about the piece of paper, then I say, go for the commitment ceremony, if that is what you want to do.


As you said, you have already been living as husband and wife. That is cool, if it is what both of you truly want.


Now, that being said, if you have been living together as husband and wife for three years, do you need the "non-official ceremony"?


I am not judging, I am simply asking a question.



Nadz
Wedding: 06/27/2015
Oct 11, 2012 at 12:07 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Best wishes to you.

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Oct 11, 2012 at 12:23 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Kathy~ no i don't "need" it but I feel like I would like to have some sort of formal ceremony to announce to everyone that we are in a committed relationship a lot of people treat you differently if your "just living together" as they say.
Rowena~ Thank you i appreciate that. I am sorry if I took offense it's been kind of a long day and stressful too and I have to be up at 5:30 am so I apologize. It's just you get a lot of negativity sometimes on WW and I think people need to be a little more open minded.

Married: 10/20/2012
Reviews: 5
Oct 11, 2012 at 5:04 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
It sounds like you have made your mind up already and figured out which decision is going to make you more happy. :) If you ever want to make it legal for whatever reason, you can always go down to the courthouse to get the license and still count your commitment ceremony as your anniversary. Like you said, it really is just a piece of paper.

Amy S.
Married: 11/04/2012
Reviews: 6
Oct 11, 2012 at 5:28 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Yup, definitely sounds like you have made up your mind already and you are not really asking what people's true thoughts on the situation are as much as you're looking for validation for wanting only a commitment ceremony. Remember, you are asking people who are totally gung-ho about being married in every way possible what they think of just having a commitment ceremony - of course most of us aren't going to understand your reasoning for wanting that. So like I said, it seems like you already know what you want to do deep down, so why try to fight it? If there's any hesitation at all, I think that's reason enough for not getting legally married.
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