Miscellaneous

Changing the bridemaids

So it's 23 days to the wedding and 2 of my bridesmaid have been nothing but complete drama so I'm thinking I will be taking them out and replacing them. The way they are acting is like its a big inconvience for them and its all about them. If they are acting like this now how are they going to be on the day? Is it really worth it to keep them in the wedding?

Posted On: Nov 8, 2009 at 5:47 AM | Vendors are allowed to participate

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AJCOLLINS

Wedding: 12/01/2009

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soon to be mrs hubbs

Wedding: 05/15/2010

Posted On: Nov 08, 2009 at 7:46 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
you only have 23 days to find two more get them something to wear and ready. do you think thats enough time? i would talk to them first cause they must be someone close to you or you would not have wanted them to be a part of you day tell them how your feeling. but if you think they will mess up your day after the talk then i would change them cause this is about you and your FH. i would also be ready for the drama that might come up from you asking them to step down so you can someone else in your wedding

Jessy D.

Wedding: 05/30/2010

Posted On: Nov 08, 2009 at 8:49 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I don't know the specifics, so maybe what I'm going to say doesn't apply to your situation. . I think that many brides become so wrapped up in their wedding plans that they tend to forget that a lot is asked and assumed of bridesmaids... it CAN be a lot for some BMs to pay for a dress and other stuff. And some brides assume that their BMs are responsible for a particular list of duties. Brides tend to eat, breathe, and sleep their wedding, but we can't expect everyone else to do the same. Maybe you just need to step back and look at from their eyes. I'm sure they aren't out to ruin your wedding... you wouldn't have picked them if that was the case. Your day is going to be about you and your BMs are going to be there for you, as much as they may be complaining now... they are doing all of this because they love you and want to be there for your special day.

~~Bride to Be~~

Wedding: 05/28/2010

Posted On: Nov 08, 2009 at 9:24 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
With 23 days left to the wedding, I would suggest you try having a heart to heart conversation with them, without any flared emotions. Be sure to tell them what your expectations are of them and how you have been feeling lately. Like Jessy says, it may be that they aren't trying to give you a hard time on purpose but better yet just trying to fit your special day into thier busy lives. If they have made it this far on your list, I'd venture to say that they are special to you and you are special to them so I'd day keep them in.

T.F.

Wedding: [Private]

Posted On: Nov 08, 2009 at 9:29 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Have you tried talking to them about how you feel? At this point, I think it's too late for you to do this. Also, how would the "replacements" feel knowing that they were obviously not first choice? Are you ready to completely end the relationship with your current bridesmaids? I ask this because asking them to step down will most likely end the friendship.

shdwmac

Wedding: 11/06/2010

Posted On: Nov 08, 2009 at 12:58 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I agree with T.F. If I was asked to be a replacement I think I would be a little offended. Plus 23 days left is pretty short notice for somebody to get a dress and alterations, etc. You should really try to sit down and talk to them and see if you can work things out.

Mia

Wedding: [Private]

Posted On: Nov 08, 2009 at 3:17 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I also agree with T.F. If you want to ask your 2 bridesmaids to step down, then do it. It is ultimately your decision. However, you should be 100% sure that you are ready to end the friendships, as that is most likely what will happen as a result. You really should never try to replace wedding party members, but I would imagine it would be especially hard to do with only 23 days left and it seems it might only cause you more drama in the end. If you feel that you absolutely can not stand the fact of having those two girls stand beside you on your day, then end the friendships and move on with your wedding with two less bridesmaids. But first, ask yourself if they have consistently been good friends to you throughout the time you have known them? If the answer if 'yes', then maybe you need to reconsider the expectations you have placed on them as bridesmaids. With all of that in consideration, the important thing is that you'll still be married at the end of the day. Good luck :)

AJCOLLINS

Wedding: 12/01/2009

Posted On: Nov 08, 2009 at 3:23 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
They didn't pay for anything we bought the dress and are going to pay for the altering and everything all they have to do is show for the appts. They didn't bother to come to the dress fitting its always some excuse so is it really worth it? Are they actually going to show up that day or there going to be an excuse that day to and then I don't have anyone? I don't think the alternates would have their feelings hurt they are the ones that have been there for my dress fittings, made my flowers, and the ones helping actually plan the wedding.

Mia

Wedding: [Private]

Posted On: Nov 08, 2009 at 3:29 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
It was very nice of you to pay for their dresses and they should have been there for alterations. Otherwise, they are stuck wearing a dress that does not fit them and it will reflect poorly on them. If you want to drop them from the wedding party, then drop them. Just be prepared that it may end the friendship. If you have come to terms with that risk or are ambivalent to it, then do what you think is right for your situation. Just curious. Why did you not ask your alternates to be bridesmaids in the first place? They seem to have been very helpful, so I am assuming they are pretty close friends/family members of yours.

AJCOLLINS

Wedding: 12/01/2009

Posted On: Nov 08, 2009 at 4:20 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
It had been a long time since I had talked to the alternates I guess they don't live close and I never really thought about it I guess but now here they are making all these trips and helping with everything especially during those moments that are so overwhelming. I'm still debating it's driving me crazy. I'm just ready to be married and go on the honeymoon at this point.

Married: 10/17/2009

Posted On: Nov 08, 2009 at 6:47 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
well are the alternates the same size? do it, if you truly 100% want to. But your original bms will probably not be your friends after this, may not show up to your wedding at all or will show up with major attitude, sour faces, and dissing you at your own wedding. your original bms may surprise you with their attentiveness at your wedding, especially after a heart to heart talk over dessert and tea/coffee? often, the most helpful people are not the bms, but the behind the scenes people, who do all the work! the bms just smile and be in pics. so maybe keep the bms, but don't get them bms gifts because the dress was the gift. and don't pay to have their hair and makeup done.

AJCOLLINS

Wedding: 12/01/2009

Posted On: Nov 08, 2009 at 8:30 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
thanks so much. I talked it over with my honey and we decided to just keep it the way it is, its not worth the hassle afterwards. Maybe its just one of those bridezillas moments you hear about but we'll see tomorrow if one of the puts off getting her dress fitted again. I guess she doesn't understand they have to have time to do that. I'm just gonna quit stressing cause at the end of the day I'm still going to be married to my better half.

Mia

Wedding: [Private]

Posted On: Nov 08, 2009 at 10:36 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I think that is a good attitude to have! It is okay to have a 'bridezilla' moment every now and then, as long as you bring it all back into perspective. Stress can do crazy things to a normally sane person! :) If your bridesmaids continue to delay on getting fitted, then tell them they will have to attend the wedding in dresses that do not fit them and therefore, they will look pretty silly. Hopefully they will have more self-pride than to want to show up looking that way. I hope they get their acts together! Best of luck and have a great day!!

HPFanatic

Wedding: 10/10/2010

Posted On: Nov 09, 2009 at 3:51 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
I've never heard of a BM not showing up the day-of. If you kick them out of the wedding, you will ruin the friendships. They will NOT forgive you.

Leeann

Wedding: 11/11/2011

Posted On: Nov 09, 2009 at 4:11 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
my twin had issues with the other girls in her wedding as they were acting the same as urs but when it all came down to the night before the wedding all changed and was good!

The Point Of It All

Wedding: 02/27/2010

Posted On: Nov 09, 2009 at 4:27 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
not showing up for the fitting with the wedding date being so close is unacceptable (unless of course there were some type of unforseen happenings i.e., "death") that said, have a heart to heart. this is supposed to be a happy time. if they can't get onboard, then move over. i would not, however, replace them, thats just more drama. the groomsmen are "men" not babies, they can stand alone. be creative in how to incorporate them in the rest of the wedding w/o having a woman on their arm.

AJCOLLINS

Wedding: 12/01/2009

Posted On: Nov 10, 2009 at 4:40 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Of course there is always an excuse for whatever reason they can't make it but it's whatever they are the ones wearing the dress not me so it's up to them how they look. 21 days til the wedding theres so many other things I'm thinking about so I'm moving on when and if she even figures it out then I'll go with her but until then I'm just going to focus on the other stuff you know all those little things. I'll let you know how it works out thanks so much for all your advise. Hope you all have better times and wonderful weddings...

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