I cant tell if my future mother in law likes me..
In the past few months while talking about the wedding date, which is in June 2011, she says something that irks me. My fiance hasn't been around either time but she has said to me "You dont have to do it so soon, you can wait a while". This would be understandable if we hadn't been dating long but by the time we get married we will have been dating for over four years. My fiance says that she loves me and she was very excited when he told her he was going to propose to me. I however cant understand why she would say that. He thinks she means so that we can save money but I have a hard time believing that..my parents are paying for the wedding. I am sooo confused! Even if she doesn't mean it to sound mean it pisses me off that its 14 months away and she still thinks we could wait longer...

Married: 06/18/2011
Posted On: Apr 25, 2010 at 10:55 PM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

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Married: 11/11/2011
Apr 25, 2010 at 11:00 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Ugh, that would irritate me, too! I went out of my way to include FMIL when my mom and I went out to check out a venue. We had her out for lunch(I paid) and it was supposed to be fun. Instead, she makes several comments about cost. She's not paying for it, so why does she care?? Plus, it's ridiculously cheap compared to all the other venues I've looked into! I'm not going to get married in their back yard with the goats or some crap like that just to save a few bucks. Not to mention, the cost of getting the chairs and tables and all that would essentially make the original venue cheaper than her back yard! I figured because her daughter got married at the courthouse she might like her son to have an actual wedding, but instead she comments how we could go the same route as her daughter to save money. Ugh! Okay, I'm done ranting. Good luck with you FMIL and try not to let her insensitivity bother you too much!

Married: 06/18/2011
Apr 25, 2010 at 11:02 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
She also thinks that we should have a simple wedding..she got married to my future father in law in her dads backyard. I grew up with traditional weddings with a reception dance. I want to be the princess that day, i dont mean for it to sound silly but its a special day i want it to be exactly how ive always pictured it.
Apr 25, 2010 at 11:17 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Congratulations! I would suggest that since you have posted your question, you may want to talk with her before someone else mention it to her. Life and married is so much easlier when you get along with your in-laws.

Married: 06/18/2011
Apr 25, 2010 at 11:21 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I just dont want to seem like im overreacting if she didnt mean anything by it, my FH thinks its not a big deal so idk..

c
Married: 05/26/2012
Apr 25, 2010 at 11:32 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
She might just be worried about her son.
I know my FMIL is always asking questions about money (she isn't helping pay either) or suggesting we do a certain thing because she thinks it's the better choice. I usually listen to her advice, and then go with whatever I feel is wisest. Sometimes her advice is good, other times it isn't what I would like. My own mom is the same way (although she and my dad are paying for everything) I think that they are just scared that their kids are growing up and doing things differently than they would. Soon it will be over, you'll be married, and they'll hopefully be happy for you on your special day. I know brides aren't the only ones with stress. MILs can freak out too. I'd say just roll with it until it becomes a major problem, and then cross that bridge when you come to it.

Married: 06/18/2011
Apr 25, 2010 at 11:38 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Good advice thanks

Future Mrs. Soma
Married: 05/22/2010
Apr 26, 2010 at 1:18 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Ugh, MFMIL is always suggesting we do this or do that or go "simpler" because she had a court house wedding. I hate it it gets on my nerves. I hate just because they had no wedding they expect us to do the same.

I think you should tell her that you feel that its the right time for you and him.

JJ
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 6
Apr 26, 2010 at 4:01 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Definitely, many MILS are like this.
My MIL was nice but then not so nice sometimes, like criticizing my dry hands!!
Also on the day of, she wasn't that nice to me either by saying little things here and there and being controlling.
But then again, my mom was like that too.
It was controlling and emotional of them.
.
It's just that some mothers are more selfish than others and they really don't want to see their kids grow up and maybe they like being more sad than just happy and carefree.
.
Mothers do worry about their kids, just not in a healthy positive way oftentimes.
Apr 26, 2010 at 8:08 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Hope you don't mind me responding even though I'm a vendor but I just had to as a veteran of mother in laws!

Dont worry if your mother in law "likes" you. Yes it would be wonderful if you both are the best of friends but if not all you each have to do is have mutual respect for each other because you each love the same person and don't want him to feel caught in the middle.

As far as the comments, politely say "Thank you for your opinion but I'd like to start the wedding plans early". After awhile she'll get the hint.

Remember you can't change people, you can only change how you deal with them.

Best Wishes
Jacqueline
www.firstimpressionfavors.com

Married: 06/06/2010
Apr 26, 2010 at 9:30 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Olivia,
My FMIL said the same thing to me a bunch of times at the beginning. She was always commenting like you have so much time to plan do worry about getting started yet. etc. Well my sister is getting married 2 months after us and i knew I'd have a ton to do for that and so didn't really listen. I just kept planning and whenever I was done with something I'd let her know. If you want to involve her in the planning its best i think to pick specific things you need help with and ask if she'd be interested. As far as I can tell my FMIL loves me and I love her too but just like your relationship with your FH or anyone else for that matter the water is not always calm -just pick your battles.

Married: 09/27/2013
Apr 26, 2010 at 10:25 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Regarding the money issue... some people are SO rude to voice criticism about costs when they're not even paying. I would just turn it around on them *polite tone* "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought my parents were the ones paying for the wedding. I would love your input if you're contributing." That can sound super snappy if said wrong though :p


Olivia - From what she said, I'm not sure what her motives are. You should have your guy ask her what she meant by that. I think my FMIL likes me, but I've had some clues that might suggest otherwise. Who knows. I think she thinks I took her son's innocence away LOL complete opposite.

Married: 06/18/2011
Apr 26, 2010 at 5:31 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
It could be that shes just over protective of him..shes always been very kind to me, comments like that just really catch me off guard and i dont have a clue how to respond..lol

fsdf
Married: 02/11/2011
Feb 05, 2011 at 11:40 AM • 
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