Bringing a guest to a wedding/Gift Etiquette
I was invited to a co-workers wedding and the day of the wedding I was not able to go w/my guest. I did give her a $150 gift becuase I know that she had to pay for us. (I also gave her a microwave)
For my wedding, she was not able to bring her husband so she asked if she could bring a guest. She brought a co-worker. On her card she wrote "from Jessica" on the outside of the envelope. Inside the card she did not write anything! I thought that was very strange.
I found out after my wedding that the customary gift where I currently live is $50.00 no matter what venue. Unlike where I am from-NYC where its usually $100 a person.
When someone brings a guest isn't it customary that the person bringing the guest pays the guest's part of the gift?
I was surprised becuase we gave her $150 and she gave us $30 for two people and then didnt even write anything in the card.
Weird huh?

Another couple did not give a card/gift. This does not seem like them. Do we say anything or let it go

Married: 10/11/2010
Posted On: Nov 1, 2010 at 7:11 PM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

15 Comments | Login or Signup to post a comment!

Married: 10/01/2010
Reviews: 5
Nov 01, 2010 at 7:17 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
You're right, if someone brings a guest they should technically cover them and the guest. in the end I wouldn't say anything. . . . however if you have a friend that knows these people you speak of you can have them work it into a conversation and let you know what they find out. That's a tough one, though.

Married: 07/24/2010
Reviews: 6
Nov 01, 2010 at 7:21 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I have never heard anything about a dollar limit for wedding gifts. In my world, your give a gift, of your choosing. Gift givers can buy them from the registries, or not.


Do not say anything. In my opinion, it is rude to ask someone why they did not give you a more expensive gift.

Married: 04/10/2010
Reviews: 7
Nov 01, 2010 at 7:24 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Don't say anything. I have never understood those "customary" limits for weddings or even the whole "cover your plate" concept. Times are tough...I am sure that she gave what she could afford to give. Remember, gifts are never required. Just be glad that she was there to celebrate with you.

Married: 10/03/2009
Reviews: 6
Nov 01, 2010 at 7:28 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
It would be INCREDIBLY rude to say something! YOu don't know anyone's budget, nor is there ANY such thing as a "customary" gift! Accept the gift gratefully, and send a thank you note.

Married: 10/01/2011
Reviews: 18
Nov 01, 2010 at 7:33 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
First and foremost....despite it being a customary gift giving occassion, one should truly not expect a gift.

I am from Philadelphia. It is customary in our culture of Italian descent to give cash for a wedding and gifts for the engagement party/bridal shower. The cash is usually a guestamate of what the cost per plate is.

However....Imho....and this applies to my daughter who is having an over the top wedding in 2012, if someone chooses to spend $100 per plate for their wedding, congratulations, but if we can't afford to gift that amount...oh well!

As for those guests that did not gift....you know whenever I don't receive a thank you for a gift, I am always afraid somehow that gift was lost. So, I actually write checks payable to the bride, so at least I know they received it. The first time around, I had no gifts from two guests, I sent thank yous anyway to cover my own behind from rudeness. Soo...no, don't even question no gift.

LazyAssMama
Married: 04/29/2011
Nov 01, 2010 at 7:34 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
It's Rude to even think of saying anything. You didn't invite your guests to receive gifts, you invited them to be there on your day. And you said she asked if she can bring a guest so I'm assuming since they came you said yes. Still there is no rule that b/c you have been invited to a wedding that you bring a gift, I find the gift just a bonus to them being there

Beautiful & Gorgeous Forever
Married: 08/19/2012
Nov 01, 2010 at 7:41 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I think your rude for
1. Bringing it up
2. For caluclating ammounts on the prices of gifts.
3. For even thinking about saying something.
No one is in the same situation so don't expect what you gave.
So please let it go.

Married: 10/11/2010
Nov 01, 2010 at 8:27 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thanks everyone for you comments. There would be no way that I would say anything to a person. That would be rude. I just wanted to throw the topic out there and hear what people thought.

Married: 02/05/2011
Nov 01, 2010 at 8:31 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
It's a GIFT!


Gift, noun: something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation

Married: 2+ years ago
Nov 01, 2010 at 11:16 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
in addition to what the other girls say, I think gifts are figured based on a person/group and what they can afford. Just cause someone is married or has a significant other does not automatically mean they are responsible for *double the gifts* Also, if someone brings a guest, frankly, I dont think the guest is responsible for anything, nor is the other person required to *make up* for the guest.

btw, your choice to give a very generous gift to her at her wedding is just that-your choice.

Married: 11/20/2010
Reviews: 2
Nov 01, 2010 at 11:22 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I think that a more tactful way to put this would be that a gift is something that someone gives you from their heart, not because it is the right thing to do or that there is a certain amount that they have to give. If she gave you $30 then it is safe to say that after the expenses of getting to your wedding and getting through her life for a week she had that much to be able to give. Give people the benefit of the doubt. And yourself as well. Don't put yourself in a financial situation because it is "customary" to give a specified amount. Not all of us are upper society women who can afford to throw hundreds around. I would graciously thank her for the gift that she gave out of the kindness of her heart and leave it at that. I would also be sure to get something meaningful with it and tell her what you got. After all, there are many things that you can get for $30. We are taking all the gift cards and money we get for the wedding and buying presents from our registry with

Married: 11/20/2010
Reviews: 2
Nov 01, 2010 at 11:23 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
them so that we can send personalized thank you cards letting each person know just what their gift got for us and what their gift means to us. Be gracious. Remember what goes around comes around.

Ab
Married: 10/29/2011
Nov 01, 2010 at 11:33 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
especially in these tough economic times its understandable if the gift is lacking from what you thought, they aren't necessarily rude, odds are they feel bad about not being able to give more.

Meghan
Married: 08/20/2011
Reviews: 3
Nov 01, 2010 at 11:38 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I think $150 is overly generous! I've never heard of cusomtary limits. Most times I'll give $50. That to me is a generous gift.

No one should have to 'cover' the cost of their meal or anything of that nature. Normally, the guest doesn't even know you- so no gift isn't unheard of. But the fact that this guest was a coworker- they should have brought their own gift.

Now not writing anything on the card is a bit weird... but to each their own.

Married: 07/24/2010
Reviews: 6
Nov 02, 2010 at 12:01 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
The "cover the meal" comment has me baffled. Do you tell your guests how much their meal is costing you? NO! So, how on earth would a guest know how much you are spending on their food.

And, that has zero influence on how much they spend.

As far as "upper society", I do come from a wealthy background, but I will tell you that I do not give outrageous gifts. I give what I want to based on what I feel the recipient will enjoy and use. Money paid is NOT the issue. It is the thought behind the gift that is reality. Face it, I could buy someone a very expensive gift that will sit in a closet, or I can give them a less expensive gift that they will use often and love.

qwer
Married: 12/08/2010
Dec 06, 2010 at 5:23 AM • 
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ails
Married: 02/15/2011
Mar 03, 2011 at 1:23 AM • 
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