bridesmaid dilemma- hurting the feelings of a friend who was not chosen as maid of honor
I chose my close friend from college to be my MOH. She has always been there for me. I have a friend who recently asked if she was going to be my MOH. She and I go way back but sadly our friendship has been a one way street. When she asked me, I was at a loss for words and just said I hadn't really thought about it much (at that point I had already made a choice). I wasn't prepared to respond to her comment and didn't want to hurt her feelings. I was also surprised that she even wanted to be in my wedding because a while back she was in a friends wedding and complained to me about planning the shower and buying a nice gift.

How can I tell her in a kind way that I have chosen another friend to be my maid of honor?


Married: 05/14/2011
Reviews: 1
Posted On: Feb 8, 2010 at 8:27 PM • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

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Married: 06/01/2012
Reviews: 6
Feb 08, 2010 at 8:53 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Maybe consider telling her that you decided to go with a different friend as the MOH who is more into the planning aspect of the wedding. You can tell her that you still want her to be a part of the festivities, but that you thought she would enjoy it more just by being at it. Something like:

Marge: Have you decided on your MOH yet?

Jessie Lyn: I have. I chose my friend Chris to be my MOH. I know we have been close for a long time, which is why I thought you would rather just be a part of our day by joining in the party rather than helping plan it. But if you would like to help, I'll give you Chris' number and you can help where you see fit.

Hillary
Married: 01/15/2011
Feb 08, 2010 at 9:07 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Actually, I think you don't have to justify your choice. If and only if she brings it up again, say, "I've chosen my friend Chris to be my MOH. How about those Saints?"
She'll get the picture. Just do it unapologetically, if she pouts or asks why not her, say that you had many good friends to chose from. And change the subject again.

Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 2
Feb 08, 2010 at 9:10 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I agree with Hillary, when justifying yourself that is when you run into problems. Just say it straight up & say it in a tone that shows it is your final decision and change the subject. If she does question it I am sure it won't be questioned directly to you as you have said that the friendship has been 1 sided.

Married: 10/02/2010
Reviews: 5
Feb 08, 2010 at 9:11 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
First I can't believe someone would actually ask to be another's MOH. Personally, I'd never assume anything. I would probably just tell her the truth when she brings it up again. If she asks why, I would then explain to her just how you feel. If she can't take it, then she's not a true friend.

At Last!!!!!
Married: 07/17/2011
Feb 08, 2010 at 9:50 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I don't think that you should be so abrupt. While it may have been presumptuous of her to assume that role, you should be kind but without defending yourself either. Simply tell her that you have known your college friend longer and the two of you have a closer bond so that role was assumed as hers. Tell her you hope, as your associate or friend, that she understands because your intent is not to hurt her feelings but to preserve the association. After all, there is a distinct difference between associates and friends.

At Last!!!!!
Married: 07/17/2011
Feb 08, 2010 at 9:52 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
PS..your delivery is important to.

jiemo
Married: 10/08/2010
Oct 16, 2010 at 5:13 AM • 
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lily
Married: 12/10/2010
Dec 07, 2010 at 11:42 PM • 
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lily
Married: 12/10/2010
Dec 22, 2010 at 4:50 AM • 
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