From a Bride to a Wife

Posted by lilac on May 17, 2012

Dear Garden,

I started writing for Bridal Buds way back in January of 2010. I chronicled a journey of wedding plans, hassles, projects and finally showed you photographic evidence that the Lilacs had indeed tied the knot in more than 125 posts. I also shared with you the beginning trials of our marriage. I had planned to share thoughts looking back at our engagement, wedding and now a whole year of marriage. But life has done what it does best, it takes you forward into your future and often doesn’t leave time for writing about it.

I have recently abandoned drafts on some pretty important topics, so let me share just a few thoughts with you before I say a not-so-final goodbye.

  • Life changes when you decide to share it completely with another person. You become a different person, whether or not you change your name, you get a shared identity. It can be stressful, but when you’ve tied your life to the life of an amazing man, it’s wonderful.
  • You make adjustments. We didn’t live together before we got married, so not only did combine our things, we combined our lifestyles and learned how to share in a much bigger way than you did in preschool. Shopping lists, finances, home decorating and traditions merge together with some bumps along the way. The way they all come together is what gives your new family a unique identity.

  • You choose who you are and who you’re becoming as a couple. You make the decisions of where to live, what to do on holidays and when (or if) to have children. Don’t let a single other person tell you what you should be doing when it comes to those things. Your families and friends should be there to offer support and solicited advice… not guidelines or pressure.
  • Parents are awesome. They’ve invested their time, money and emotions into you. Don’t forget to thank them and value your time with them. I know better than anyone that when you no longer have them in your life, it’s hard. We got our wedding album and I can’t show it to one person who would really appreciate it. My dad. I am thankful that he was able to walk me down the aisle and see me marry the man of my dreams. Since he passed away, so many things have happened that I wish he’d have been able to see. Knowing that dad would like or approve of the house we’re buying and that he’d be proud of my career advancement is nice, but it’d mean more if he could have been a part of it all.

  • Our wedding was amazing, but was not perfect by any means. Some things went wrong. But I really only have one regret. Our wedding wasn’t recorded. If I did it again, I wouldn’t hire a videographer, but I would have made solid, 100% definite plans to have someone set up a video camera in the balcony of the church. That should have never been left to chance. We have an audio recording and little video captures of walking down the aisle,exiting the church, our first dance and cutting the cake. But I wish we had a video of saying our vows. Make those plans and confirm them, I wish I had.

Writing the Lilac wedding story helped me share advice, get perspective and talk about the journey that meant so much to me. There are a ton more things that I would love to share with you all, but life does not allow me the time to write them.

Weddings in general hold a special place in my heart. The profession of love and commitment is touching. I’ve been lucky to share in other couple’s days as a guest, as a bridesmaid and a maid of honor. Now I’m on the other side of things. My husband and I enthusiastically partake in the anniversary dance and I have the pleasure of being a Matron of Honor in my friend Violet Bud‘s wedding (hence the not-so-final goodbye).

Best wishes to all of you buds, in planning a wedding and enjoying a loving marriage.


Lilac Blossom

All pictures in the post are by Chatman Photography